How can bullying be stopped?

By executing all the bullies.

Build confidence in and skill up the bystanders so they can stand up to those who bullies others.

By stopping bullying behavior as soon as it’s evident – either by the victim of the bullying standing up to the bully, or by an observant bystander putting a stop to it.

My instilling a sense of self-respect in our kids. Bullies are basically insecure cowards .. who prey on others in order to get some sick feeling of being in control… albeit negative control.

If parents would play a more positive, encouraging/involved role in their kids’ lives .. and not be bullies themselves .. kids wouldn’t fall into that vicious circle of abuse.

Not have shitty parents and supervisors at schools who are apathetic about it.

It can’t be. Possibly it can be reduced somewhat through deterrence or education, but bullying is part of human nature. dating back millions of years.

Bullying among animal species is rampant – there is always the ‘leader of the pack” – and frankly, that is what evolution is based on. Strength and power as a way of keeping the tribe cohesive and powerful.

So no effort today is going to stop bullying. The best to be hoped for is mitigation or reduction, but even that is a long shot.

@ragingloli I am glad my kids were not bullied in school. I’m afraid I would writing this from prison.

@Bellatrix Often the bystanders are afraid to get involved since they fear being bullied as retaliation. If they whipped out their camera phones and recorded maybe a youtube post with the aggressor’s name might be used as evidence.

@cwilbur If the bystanders can’t stop it, the least they can do it is report it.

@JustPlainBarb I’m not sure bullies are cowards. Sociopaths? Maybe. Need to feel superior? Definitely . As an example, imagine the popular sports jock picking on the smaller kid at his locker. If girls were taught that kind of behavior will spill over into their dating lives, maybe the girls, by their ostracism, might teach the bully that is not acceptable behavior. Sadly, today the Alpha male still gets the girls.
@Blackberry Do you think formally pressing charges might turn that around?

@elbanditoroso I’d like to think we’ve come a long way since our ancestors swung from the trees and there were limited resources to go around. Today brute force is not the primary characteristic that will lead our society to a better place. Cooperation, intelligence, education will.

@LuckyGuy , while you might like to think that, I am afraid that anthropology trumps good intentions.

They are the teachers pet and will never really be recognized by the people who have any power to do anything about it.

@elbanditoroso I’m not so sure any more. Brawn was important when there were no “equalizing” weapons. Ever since the invention of gunpowder and handguns a smaller weak individual can overtake a strong. Who knows what will be the critical factor for species survivability. Maybe in the future the King of jungle will be the one with the fastest internet connection.\

@Judi Ouch. That sounds like a sticky situation. There must be way to change it. I believe bystanders have the power. They just need the right tools.

@LuckyGuy I don’t know, but I don’t think it would hurt to at least try. If someone knew they wouldn’t really get in trouble for something, why would they stop?

@Blackberry That’s my thinking too. I believe the proper response to unprovoked aggression by a larger foe is swift, and overwhelmingly disproportionate action. It might be legal, social, or physical action but it must be something, or else they will not stop. to be effective, the penatly must be totally disproportionate.

Legal action could be calling the police and/ or suing. If bystanders take pictures they can be used as witnesses. If they do not help or intervene charge them with “Aiding and abetting”. By social response I am thinking along the lines of having the bullied kid anonymously start a I hate Bully Bob Facebook page or searchable tumblr blog.
As for the physical action, for some people, the only correct response must be to knock the bad guy down so low he does not get up. We won’t go there.

I’m so glad I was never put in the position to need this.

Unfortunately society is not at a point where bullying can be stopped… and it probably never will be.

What we can do though is fight it (and it’s causes) at every turn, and do our best to teach people/children how to respond to bullying.

Someone heard us talking. Family may sue of hockey incident

“The family of a 14-year-old who authorities say suffered a concussion in a confrontation with a fellow… hockey player claims the coach and school district administration ignored earlier violent acts by the accused teenager.
Tyler Grimshaw, who has been charged with third-degree assault in the incident, “demonstrated a pattern of aggression toward his hockey teammates” that school officials and coaches ignored, alleges a notice of an intent to sue the district and coaches.
The legal filing alleges that school officials had been notified that Grimshaw, who was 17 at the time of the incident, was the cause of other concussions suffered by players in hockey practice and that he once shot another player with an “Airsoft” gun in the shower. That player quit the team, the papers allege.”
“He also once aimed the gun at a coach and also once “opened fire on a bunch of ‘rookies’ (freshman and sophomore),” the papers allege.
The legal filing ..claims that Grimshaw threw her 14-year-old son to the locker room floor in the Feb. 6 incident and then began punching him in the arm and leg.

“The boy now is harassed at school by students who “consider him a ‘whistleblower’ against a popular older athlete,” the claim states. In fact, the claim says, another person reported the locker room incident to the school anonymously.”

I would not be suing. I’d have the 17 year old charged with assault.
(Sadly I’ll bet he has lots of stupid girlfriends.)

@LuckyGuy I understand they can be fearful and that’s why I suggested instilling confidence in our kids and skilling them up so they do feel more aware of what they can do and how by working together they can take on bullies. I am not suggesting lone children step in and take on the bully and put themselves at risk. There have however been so many cases where people in groups have stood around and watched people being attacked/bullied and don’t do anything (bystander principle).

There was a US professor talking on the TV the other day about this and he was saying this is the direction schools in the US are going. Focusing on getting bystanders to act when they see bullying. Only time will tell if this makes a difference. I hope it does.

@Bellatrix Yep. I agree that’s a step in the right direction.

We have to instill the cultural idea that bullies are losers. Bullies are losers whether or not they are good looking ,popular, smart (I was bullied by the class Salutorian!) and charming. They are losers and need to be seen as such. Instead of glamorizing the cult of personality and admiring people for what outwardly attractive qualities they have, we need to instill kindness and reward people who act with emotional sensitivity.

Utopian you say? I don’t think so. I’m not saying that the popular kids who bully will stop being popular in some new world. That would be nice but unlikely. I’m saying that kids need to see bullying for what it is and not encourage it, turn a blind eye to it, or join in with the bully to be more popular themselves. Maybe it would work to make bullying so uncool through drumming it into kids how sick and twisted and unnecessary it is. Make a new form of peer pressure. We know in high school peer pressure works. So get the message out that if you bully YOU ARE THE LOSER!
Hell, give buttons away that say it so everyone knows what side you are on. After all, most kids are against the bullies, but they’re afraid of them. There’s safety in numbers.

I’ve read that it’s a misconception that the kids that get picked on and bullied are “losers”. In actual fact they are often of much higher intelligence and are more mature. They also may have greater emotional intelligence. They are usually more obedient and not as aggressive, disruptive and defiant as the ones who bully. They have been socialized to behave and often have high integrity which makes them resistant to peer pressure.I think sometimes it ‘s this very integrity that annoys the bully. Their compliance may be seen as conformism but it is actually the bullies and their henchmen and secret supporters who are the real conformists. Sometimes the “good” child is seen as passive and weak and resented as a teacher’s pet or a “goody two shoes”. The kids who misbehave think that the “good” child is going to rat on them to the teacher or authority figure. They get coerced and frightened in order to create a deterrent action.

Zero tolerance is good but I don’t think we can go as far as what you say here LuckyGuy
I mean, you can’t prosecute the bystanders for collusion. That’s going too far. I mean, they are afraid too half the time and that’s why they don’t report it. I read that in anti bullying campaigns at schools they have found that if even one person stands up to a bully and tells them to stop it has an enormous effect. That is a good starting point.Support anti bullying education in schools. Virtue is it’s own reward.

By finding out what is wrong in the bullys life. Often, kids who are bullys start out young. It usually stems from some fustration at home or low self esteem or even from being bullied. They tend to pick on people they envy or who make them feel inferior. Get them to feel better about themselves and they will usually lose interest in tearing someone else down to feel better.
Of course you also have the kids who have been spoiled and taught that they are better than everyone else, so they have an overly inflated ego. Those of course usually end up being a victim of bullying down the road.

This set of guidelines will be put into effect in NY state schools as of July 2012.

That looks like a start but it offers: “instruction on “tolerance”, “respect for others” and “dignity” shall include awareness and sensitivity to discrimination or harassment and civility in the relations of people of different: races, weights, national origins, ethnic groups, religions, religious practices, mental or physical abilities, sexual orientations, genders, and sexes.”

I’d like to see the penalties and punishment section. What will they do to girls that harass others on facebook, or boys that simply walk behind kids, following them wherever they go. This will be interesting. Thanks!