I suffered from substance abuse for most of my tween and teenage years. I started “huffing” chemical fumes on our farm when I was about 11. No one knew. I started, and got hooked on, many street drugs when I was 15 years old. Again, no one in my family/friends knew about it. I have a very odd drug addiction story. The hard drugs were forced on me in that time frame (long story). I had also started smoking cigarettes at about 16 years old.
By the time I was almost 18 I was highly addicted to marijuana, hash, PCP, cocaine, and heroin. I was forced by local authorities to go into a detox program (I was underage and was given the “choice” to go voluntarily or be escorted by the police). I was in adult detox for 11 days (the usual was 6 days). Those were among the most horrible days of my life – the physical and emotional agony was indescribable. After that, I was sent to a short term (3 week) program. I then took off and had a massive relapse. A major concern was my home life – everyone around me was using drugs/alcohol (even right in front of me the day I came home from the 3 week program). My mother was an alcoholic. Her boyfriend was an alcoholic, cocaine and marijuana addict (he grew the stuff in the basement). My sister was well into her “partying teen” phase. My brother was in and out of the scene. Counsellers/therapists did not want me to go back into that situation. So, I was sent to a live-in drug rehabilitation facility. I lived there for 1.5 years (much longer than most, who averaged about 6 months). It was an adult facility but I was nearly 18 so they agreed to take me in. I was the “baby” of the centre – for the first time in my life, people I lived with were actually there for me emotionally. I had a couple short relapses during and after the treatment. But I have been clean since I was about 21. I’m now 34 (35 in a few weeks).
During my addiction I did not steal, or commit other crimes of the like, to support my habit ..I did not need to pay for my drugs. I didn’t quite lie ..it was more of a “not telling” thing. I know I would have died from overdose if I was not forced into rehabilitation.
How I did it? Well, being forced really helped. But I have always been extremely determined. At one point, I finally realized that I did not want to live that way anymore – I did not want to take the path my family had…and that I wanted to simply live. I wanted to be “normal” I guess.
These days, I rarely have the urge to do those drugs (probably twice a year I might get the urge). I know I will never get into that again though.
My last remaining negative addiction…smoking. I’m embarassed to say it ..as I’m so eco-friendly, humanitarian, etc. But, yeah, I’m a smoker. It amazes me that I was able to quit hard drugs but not something as simple and legal as cigarettes. I know I will quit at some point. I am really trying to do that in the next year here. I do not smoke around my partner or in my home. It’s just this dirtly little thing I do all by myself outside, lol. And, yes, she knows I smoke. It will be hard but I know when I am ready that I will be able to do it.
I hope I didn’t ramble on too much ..my brain is a bit fuzzy tonight :)
Thank you for reading.