What to say if my sister wants my BAD niece to stay with me during vacation?

If your sister feels comfortable asking you that question, you have every right to say “No,” first and then “Why? She’s your child.”

You can offer her and her BF an occasional private hour for themselves, but that is more than sufficient for sibling responsibilities.

And if you have trouble with your niece during that interval, then you can easily withdraw the offer.

It’s time for you to step up to the plate and hold your ground.

After all, it’s her daughter and not yours.

You have the right idea about your sister wanting “alone time” with her boyfriend. No way would this happen, if I were in your shoes.

If you want to ruin your good time on the vacation, just agree to let the ______stay and sleep in your room. It also incorporates watching her all the time in a strange town and that will ruin your good time.

Be brave and say NO NO NO!

Your room sounds full. Tell your sister this but if you want, you can offer to take her for one night. It’s your sister’s child, she needs to take care of her, not you.

I’m thinking of telling her, she can SLEEP in our room. We won’t be held any responsibility to watch and babysit her….if we want to go out and party we’re going to give her daughter to her. I don’t want to fix her food up for her…she’s 10 and the most irritating thing I hear her scream out loud is, “AUNTIE!!!! I’m HUNGRY!!! I’m hungry!!!!! go get me food!”

UGH!!!!

I don’t know what to say…I can’t say no to my sis.
‘sup to you.

You already sound stressed and pissed about this. Don’t allow it or you will have a horrible time.

So you guys don’t think I’m a bad sis to say no to her? I’ll update you guys when I make a decision but I have to talk about it with my “hotel mates” first. Everyone’s not happy about this lol. My niece has a certain personality that just makes even the calmest person’s blood boil and irritated.

She is the manipulative sis to have the nerve to put you on the spot and ask you to do this.

Take a stand; learning how to take care of yourself in this kind of situation is a very valuable life lesson. Why does she get to be both the bully and the one who makes YOU feel guilty?

I am sorry to say this but the daughter sounds like a brat. 10 years old and she sits there and yells “Auntie, I’m HUNGRY. Go get me food?” She pokes her fingers in people’s faces? Forget it! I would probably have a hard time not slapping her.

I would get in touch with the other roomies and you all have to stick together and stand your ground. The room is full. Don’t apologize because you’re not sorry and it’s not your fault.

If you don’t want to do it, tell her you can’t do it. She can ask someone else to watch her daughter for a bit if she wants some alone time. If you already know your group is planning to be going out and doing things that are not appropriate for a 10-year-old to be tagging along, just tell your sister that you aren’t able to watch her because you already have plans.

@ica, lol that’s seriously what she does!! Things like that!

I’ll keep you guys updated!

Tell your sister no that there are too many people in your room already.

Well…there is also the option of really making an effort to bond with your niece, give her attention, show her love. Sounds like she is acting out because of some sort of lack in parenting and attention. Kids her age have a hard time adjusting to new boyfriends/girlfriends of their parents. I feel sorry for her and you might want to consider making a sincere attempt to build a relationship with this little girl. I understand your reluctance to keep her and you have every right to just say “no”...but….you never know what might happen if YOU really make an effort in a childs life.

@Coloma Even though I sympathize about wanting to be able to relax on vacation, that was my first thought, too. I was an annoying 10 year old once. Not to the extent of yelling at my elders, but still…

@Coloma, you really have no idea what it’s like with my niece. The countless times I try to be calm with her and think we’re doing a good time and then she says crap that is supposed to make you sound stupid, argue with the adult about who’s right and who’s wrong, etc. Her boyfriend and my sis are serious and have been together 10 years since the niece was born. This isn’t about lack of parenting at all. If anything, she’s spoiled and never gets spanked!

I see my niece every single day after she comes from school also. So I think there’s already a lot of her in my life than you think. She’s just always been that way since she was a baby. lol It’s just her personality I believe…

If your neice was well behaved would you be happy to watch and spend time with her? Or, do you want to be able to do your own thing anyway? If it is truly only about the behavior, you could make it clear if the kid is still demanding and whiny (you can say it more delicately) you will not watch her. If you just don’t want to be responsable for a ten year old while on vacation, which is completely reasonible, tell your sister to bring along a sitter. I guess, if you feel an obligation to do it, because she is your sister, you can offer one night, or one day, but I would not recommend you do it your whole vacation.

If the daughter was well behaved, I wouldn’t mind her staying with us as long as we didn’t have the obligation to stay and watch her if we want to go out and have fun. It’s a bit of both. If for a couple hours my sister wants alone time it’s fine but our fun comes first. lol Sorry…but it’s our vacation. Don’t bring your daughter if you try to pawn her off others

@chelle21689 So, I say just plan one day, or part of one day, to watch her. Best to take her somewhere she will be entertained that you will enjoy to, even if it is just the pool (but at the pool she must be in your eyesight every second) You can tell your sister if she misbehaves you will drive her right back to wherever she is. Your sister can instruct her daughter how she must behave with you. Most kids can pull it together if their mom is not around.

“No, I’d rather not.” is all you need to say.

@chelle21689: Your trips with cousins, sisters and the boyfriends sure do get complicated.

Stand your ground and tell her no. Just tell her that you and your niece don’t get along and you do not want to be her babysitter on your vacation.

Keep in mind if you agree to watch your neice, you are agreeing for everyone in your room. Would they agree to have a 10 year old in their room?

Like what @chyna said, what do others in the room say? It’s not just up to you, if there are 3 others in the room.

Maybe an option could be you could take her out one evening to dinner with you guys and her mom can go the other way, or go back to the room and hang with her boyfriend for a couple of hours that night. You could tell your niece that IF she’s good, she can hang with you all more often, but it can be like a test. If she’s bad, that’s it, you’re done.

Just say “No.” You don’t need a reason. The reason is obvious. If you wanted a kid to look after, you’d have gotten knocked up yourself.

It’s wrong for your sister to expect you to make concessions for her, every other family is taking care of their own family situations without having to inconvenience others, so why should she be exempt? Sucks that she can’t get laid because her kid is there, but that is not your problem.

Our 30 years of family beach week were just as complex as the family grew, so I feel your pain. Correct me if this is wrong: it sounds as if there are three hotel rooms reserved, each with double beds. If this is the case, it makes sense to stick to the existing plan and not add the niece to your room.

Is it possible to rent another room? This would at least provide more space. For example, your other sister, the cousin, and the niece could share a room. If the sister and cousin would prefer to share a room with you and your boyfriend and not include the niece, then it is just a matter of telling the niece’s mom that you all would prefer not to.

Unless the room that you are assigned to is bigger than the others, it seems unfair for your sister to make such a request. Not only are your roommates going to have to share a bed with someone they aren’t used to sleeping with, the thought of sharing a bathroom with that many people is enough to just say “no”.

It is your vacation as well. Since it has the potential of negatively impacting it, you need to stand your ground without spelling out the main reason why. If your sister wants some alone time with her boyfriend during this holiday, she should just ask if someone would keep an eye on her daughter why the take a stroll on the beach, go out to dinner alone, etc.

I got very confused with who was in which room, but I feel children should sleep together in one room and adults in other rooms. I feel there are not enough rooms all round to be honest!! Or parents with their children not all switched around, tell her that.

@Pied_Pfeffer makes a good point. Why should you guys be piled into beds and your sister have one extra bed? An option is you can put the young kids into their own room, but your sister would have to approve, as her daughter is her responsibility as far as decision making, and as far as finances.

@Shippy and @jca The same thought crossed my mind. If they can get an extra room, why not put the three young cousins in that room? We always did this at the beach house, but a hotel room would be another matter. We only know the age of the 10 year-old niece and not of the other two. Unless there is an adult in the room, they shouldn’t have one of their own, unless it is a connecting room to one set of the parents’.

You could always explain that your boyfriend is uncomfortable having your niece stay in your room (or even that you are uncomfortable having her stay with a man who is not her dad or step-dad). I think it is completely appropriate for a grown man to say he does not want to share a room with a ten year-old who is not his daughter or step-daughter. I would never consider asking my boyfriend to bunk with a young niece of mine, it just seems like the best choice for both of them. As a mother of three young boys I am super vigilant to be sure they do not spend time with their young step-nieces without a grown up around. It just feels like the right thing to do to avoid even the appearance of something untoward. As confident as I am that the boys won’t mistreat their nieces, all it takes is one word about inappropriate conduct and they could be in huge trouble.

I hope my answer isn’t offensive, it is just the way I tend to look at the world.

^GA and well thought out.

I’m one of six children so I know where you’re coming from. If I was you I would offer to take her for one night and one day. That way you have the time to bond with her. Make sure she understands your rules: ask politely, don’t poke and respect people’s personal space.

I have a bratty niece on my husband’s side. I’ve spent the last 14 years laying down the law with her. There is certain behaviour I just won’t tolerate. She has come to a grudging respect for me and I’m at a point where I genuinely enjoy her now.

I come at this from a life-long relationship perspective. Just think, 10 years down the road she may think about the time she spent with you fondly.

This is your vacation? You already have 4 people in your room. I think she’s asking too much. What ever you say, it should add up to No.

Well, at least we now know why your niece is the way she is…..

@chelle21689 You’re supposed to have 5 in your room so your sis can have two in her room? And one of them is her brat? My reply to your sis would involve two things and they’re both birds.

Tell her sorry but your room is for adults only. (Provided you are an adult)
Or just tell her you want to be able to come and go with your boyfriend without having any kids tag along and you feel that is exactly what will happen if your neice is with you.
Tell her you are young and single and want to enjoy your vacation just the way she did growing up. And as suggested that you may take her one night only. She can see if any of her other siblings can take her an evening each so that she can have a couple of nights alone. But not every night.

My brother and sisters rented a house up in Lake Tahoe many years ago. We knew there would be issues with all the kids, so we brought a baby sitter with us.
We all paid the babysitter well, and she was on the clock the entire trip, but it was worth it.

Just say no. She’s not your kid.

You should tell your sister up front “NO”. Its not your daughter so you have no reason to babysit her on your vacation, if you don’t want to. Your sister should respect your answer and should have thought that before having a child, and knowing having a child will take the responsibility to take care of her and not giving the responsibility to someone else.

I think I made a mistake in what I told you guys. My cousin told me a little bit wrong but it’s kind of the same. My sister Tessy MAY not be going on vacation and is asking if we could take her niece with us to stay in the room so she can have fun. But then again, it’s the same point…why send her to us if we’re trying to enjoy vacation? lol She’s a very difficult person.

If Tessy and her boyfriend aren’t participating in the vacation, that puts a new spin on the dynamics. She is asking you all to babysit her daughter while you are on holiday. If it were me, I’d ask the sister and BIL that are already planning to take their children (the niece’s cousins) to bunk up with her. Are they open to the idea?

You have mentioned that you all may want to go out for a night on the town. Having the responsibility of a 10 year-old will hinder that. Either someone will have to stay behind or the whole group stays at home. And that may be a personal choice for one of the members…I’ve done so before. The bottom line is that the situation needs to be discussed by the group and a consensus made before presenting an answer to Tessy.

From Tessy’s perspective, she might be asking for an opportunity for her daughter to experience a beach vacation. Take it as a compliment that she trusts you all with her most precious belonging.

What are the ages of the people going to the beach?
Is everyone mature enough to look out for a 10 year old or is everyone that is going young adults looking to have a party only?

@chelle21689 To me that’s even worse. Take care of my daughter 24/7 while you’re on vacation so I can spend time with my guy? Difficult person? How about toxic?

@chelle21689 And, I was thinking of suggesting your sister leave the kid at home. That she wants to give her to you on your vacation? You definitely can say no, and should not feel bad for a secind. I can’t imagine your sister would be angry with you.

@JLeslie I think just the opposite. If @chelle21689 doesn’t want to take the kid sis is going to be really angry. But chelle21689 should not put up with it.

@Adirondackwannabe Only one way to find out. I’ve never heard of a relative asking for someone to take their child with them on a vacation. I have offered to take my neice and nephew on vacation. I would not find it odd for my SIL to ask my husband and I to take the kids for a few days at our house. But, I would find it odd for my SIL to ask us to take the kids on our vacation.

That was my take too. We’ve had neices and nephews at our house, and it was fun.. On our vacation, no way.