How much does it bother you when other people project their faults onto you?

I usually pick it up for what it is early, and don’t let them get to me. Always remember you control your emotions and feelings. Don’t let others make you feel their problems.

I recently dumped a friend who did this. She drove me nuts.

My dad is the one who does this to me the most, so in that case it really gets to me and stays with me, since it happens frequently and I have no control over the situation.

Other times, however, I will recognize that I am letting it affect me more than it should, and I will remove myself from the situation to cool off; I have found walking away to be particularly effective in these types of situations.

It used to bother me a lot. Felt like I was being betrayed (if it were done by a friend or family), but eventually I said fuck it and now if someone else projects their blame onto me, I’ll shrug it off… and send it right on back to them someway, somehow, sometime later.

Projected faults aren’t an epidemic, so if it ever does happen I brush it off.

This going to sound a little wacked, but read Steven Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A little dated but part of it addresses this. You control your emotions. The other people can’t mess with you, you let them mess with you.

^ I have that book out from the library right now, actually. :)

I try to recognize the source and ignore it.

@AnonymousGirl Dig into that section. I don’t remember offhand which one it was, but it’s the best lesson I pulled out of that book.

^ I plan to read the whole book, so I will likely stumble upon it. :)

Bother me? Oh dear me no! I love it! I mean, having no faults is a tough place to be, so when people project their faults on me, I finally get to feel less than perfect.

But only for a moment.

Being a Democrat, I’ve grown used to it. :-)

It has happened to me – my ex-wife, who had no introspection at all – used to blame me for what were clearly her own flaws. It took me a while to understand that doing so was her ‘escaping’ from unpleasant reality on her part.

I think it’s all about self confidence and knowing yourself. If you are confident on why ‘you’ are the way you are, and more importantly, happy in your own skin, then you are smart enough to not let that sort of projection bother you,

I see it for what it is, a hallmark of an unconscious person who has zero self awareness and confuses self with other. I project very little and I assume even less. I am also very astute at picking up on projections having done shitloads of work over the years. My ex husband was the king of projection, he always accused me of being angry and I would be defensive until I realized that he was projecting his disowned anger onto me. What a great way to bait a non-angry person into truly becoming angry, to tell them they ARE angry. hahaha Classic!

I think most of us have done it unknowingly before. For a while I sympathize with them, then when they start to get annoying cut all contact! Naw.

I hust remember a saying I heard:
“The faults you find in others are the faults you hate most in yourself”

It’s another way of describing the projection concept in psychology.

@Rock2 That is very true. But..it is also true that once one has developed self awareness and truly burned through their own issues that it is possible to see others issues that have nothing to do with ones own disavowed shadow self. :-) To recognize unconsciousness in another one must be conscious. I have a book on recognizing personality disordered people and in this case it is clear that it IS THEM, not you creating all the craziness. lol

Nowt much bothers me, certainly not people who happen to be the polar opposite of myself & my values.

So I’m bothered now, is that it? Well I’m not the least bothered. You are-! ( lol )

@Coloma
Deciding what to have for dinner must drive you crazy.

@Rock2 You’ve lost me, I have no idea what that means or how it ties into what I said. :-?

@Coloma
Has anyone ever told you that you over analyze things?

@Rock2 I enjoy psychology and personal growth work, sooo…kinda like expounding if you’re a tomato farmer. More than most care about knowing. lol

@Coloma
I enjoy psychology too however sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Don’t believe everything you think.

@Rock2 I don’t, I believe everything I experience. Alrighty…horse dead. ;-)

@Coloma
According to epistemology you shouldn’t believe everything you experience either.

@Rock2 and considering that working on attempts to burn through ego means allowing others to have the last word…I happily give you the last word if you crave it. it’s yours, take it. ;-)

NO, no. ! The last word is mine! And you can’t have it back! No matter what you say!

@wundayatta Talkin’ out yer arse again ey? lolol (jk ;-)

@Coloma Well, I already had the last word, but I’ll have another, thanks to you. I ask you, when am I not talking out my ass? It’s there for everyone to see quite plainly! Surely you can’t miss it?