Someone, anyone, alter my essay. Por favor!

I sat captivated throughout…
...was left with more questions rather than answers, but in a good way.
Although I have always been… no comma
...how time was not constant but depend depending on an object’s speed.
...and watching related videos on YouTube, I have a better understanding (now), even though I have not mastered the idea. added now(?) and a comma
...which is seems to be evidence…
...come to the conclusion that time travel is not possible…
...it’s just that the conditions to make it happen is are hard to accommodate.
Space-time is curved like a cylinder*;* the top of the cylinder is the same as the bottom*,* a wormhole is a tunnel that goes through the cylinder that leaves you where you started*,* only older. (I’ve added a ; and two commas) Not sure if that last sentence is very fluent; you might want to redo that one?

These ‘improvements’ are done by an ESL speaker, so don’t take them for granted, please.
I am sure better advice will come along :-)

“Time travel is possible, it’s just the conditions to make it happen is hard to accommodate. Time traveling is theoretically possible – we just really cannot accelerate humans nearly as close to the speed of light.
Along with special relativity, I am also fascinated by the theory of worm holes. Worm holes are my favorite time traveling- related topic. Which makes me believe it works because of the space-time. Space-time is curved like a cylinder the top of the cylinder is the same as the bottom a wormhole is a tunnel that goes through the cylinder that leaves you where you started only older.”

Read pretty smoothly for me until this last bit. I would avoid using words like “really”.

I’m not a write by any means, but I’ll take a stab at altering this one paragraph just for kicks.

Well.. nevermind, @rebbel already pointed out the things I would have changed.

Thank you both!

As a 58-year-old man I would write a very different essay, but I’ll try to put aside my ideas on content and theme and try to stick to style.

I would suggest leaving out some of the detail you have included, which is extraneous to the ideas you’re trying to present: “earlier this year”; “for the first time”; “but in a good way”. That’s just the first two sentences. Later, “a few days later” and “stayed up”. No one is going to care that you “stayed up” to research; if it’s relevant to the essay that you started the research “a few days” later, then by all means include it. Is it relevant?

I agree completely with @rebbel‘s pickup of the placement of “captivated”, his dropping the comma after “Although” and other grammatical and syntactical changes.

I would suggest re-reading the essay yourself very closely. Then I would suggest rewriting it entirely.

The first question I would have asked is “What is the point of the essay?” I realize that personal essays are part of the modern college application process, but I have to confess that I’m ignorant about the exact purpose or whether a theme is intended.

If part of the purpose is to suggest or display writing style or mastery, then you should “put on someone else’s eyes” and read this as someone other than yourself. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. You have no idea how often I rewrite simple responses in Fluther, for example, but I’ll tell you: I do it all the time.

I’m not going to suggest that my writing was much better at your age, but then I hadn’t done so much of it.

Finally, I would certainly rewrite the sentence that “Some scientists have already come to the conclusion that time travel is not possible, but others, including myself disagree.” Aside from the glaring grammatical error – a missing comma after ‘myself’ – the obvious question that any intelligent reader would be left with is: How long have you been a scientist?

You are sending this essay out to a what kind of school and for what purpose?

Am I the only one that saw the “por favor” and immediately changed essay to ese? Altering an ese could mean jail time.

<stupid giggle>

What @CWOTUS said. What’s the point of this essay? Figure that out and state it in your first paragraph.Then write three supporting paragraphs with one though each. Then state your conclusion in the final paragraph.
Completely drop the word “I”, stay away from passive voice and contractions, and cite your references.