For what reason would you ask someone if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Other than the person being interested in the other person (interested in a relationship) the person could be a curious person who is trying to get to know the other better.

I probably wouldn’t ask anyone that. It’s their business. If they want to tell me, they will. Otherwise, it’s really nothing I need to know.

I have a friend who asks a lot of people that, then she says “I know someone who would be great for you”.

I’ve had friends I haven’t seen in a long time ask me “are you seeing anyone?” That’s more for getting caught up with each other.

I wouldn’t ask that question. If they want to share that information with me, they will. But a lot of people will ask because they’re just trying to make conversation.

I wouldn’t for any other reason than to try to copulate with them.

@Blackberry My exact thought. I’ve never asked that question unless I was interested in more than conversation.

It’s the sort of thing that my grandmother would ask in conversation.

I think it depends on who asked…grandmotherly type? Has a grandson/granddaughter for you. Your mother? Wants grandchildren, fast. Your best friend? Doesn’t want to lose you to some guy/woman so she/he doesn’t have anyone to go to the pictures with or to watch football with. A woman/man you once knew in high school who secretly hated you? Wants to know if your fall from Prom Queen/King was simply not just an urban myth. A person that you get a nice vibe from? That has a certain rapport with you? They are interested in asking you out.

And as was pointed out above….some people are just curious.

I wouldn’t ask that question of someone either but that wasn’t the question.

Okay, I guess I will give more info lol!

So in my experience, every time a guy (I am female) has asked me this in the past, it was because they were interested in me (yeah the sexual kinda way).

This latest time, I am seriously wondering. I just recently met this person and do not know him well. We just started working together and he has been asking me a lot of personal questions – what kind of music do you like, how old are you, etc etc, including the subject question. But he is married and has kids, so he must just be trying to get to know me better. That got me thinking, maybe people just ask these kinds of questions?

@wallabies: It sounds like maybe he likes you. He could like you even if he’s married with children. He could also be just a friendly person.

It depends on who they are.

If it was someone I know, I may be curious if they’re still seeing the jerk they were seeing 2 years ago, the one I predicted would go on a killing spree starting with the person I was asking.

If it was someone I don’t know, I could be asking because I was interested in them…

——-

edit: just read your new post above mine.

If he is already married, he probably is just making conversation. I think you need to pay attention to other clues to be sure though, like body language, how close does he stand next to you when he talks to you, etc.

@jca See I would really like to know. Because IME you don’t ask so many personal questions unless you really want to get to know the person.

This guy stands actually quite close to me when he talks to me, and honestly I feel like there is some tension! I think women generally pick up on stuff like this quickly but one can always be wrong.

I don’t ask about other people’s business. The better I know a person, the more information I find out as they tell me. The only way I would ask would be to clarify if they were telling me a confusing story.

It’s pretty standard to want to know that if you are interested in a person in a friendly way.

For some people I know, if you are interested in a person in a sexual way, then it doesn’t matter if they already have a boyfriend. As my friend usually says, “That’s all right. He can join in, too.” According to him, his lines are so over the top that women can’t believe he says them, and they generally end up in bed with him.

Which is sad, because he can’t get it up. Even with five viagra, or so he says. Then he says, “But I have a talented tongue.” This is one of the cool things about being crazy. You stop caring. Everyone thinks you’re nuts, anyway. Might as well meet their expectations. What could be better than a crazy guy going down on you with no danger of intercourse?

It’s pretty obvious that this question is asked, because being inquisitive.

If you don’t know the answer, you ask the question.

Anyway, this person might be interested in you.

Okay….just read your addendum….

Hmm…I am guessing he is embarking on a grand flirtation….because he is in a mid-life crisis…bored with his wife…and his kids are driving him mad. He sounds lonely and in need of having to live vicariously through your responses.

Is he interested? Maybe.
Should you be? I hope not, as he sounds a bit…well…off-the-beam. A relationship with a married man..and at work? Someone cue the theme to “Titanic.”

It would be one thing if you and he had worked together for a long, long time (as I have a friend who now has one of her colleagues at work as a confidante——but that’s after three decades of working in the same office.)

I think it is flattering…but I would proceed with caution. He may ask these same questions of everyone he meets….he may not. It’s hard to tell what is really going on.

Just be careful….he’s new…you don’t know him…or his history.

@wundayatta I’m curious if your ‘friend’ is really you?

All interesting responses, thank you!

@DarlingRhadamanthus, et al.

Such a wise reply, and I totally agree. He may just be curious about everyone and ask these types of things of everyone. Or, he might be interested – probably for the reasons you’ve listed above. Caution I think is an understatement, because 1) it is not even a lateral work relationship, and 2) it’s not like I’m totally single. Unfortunately I am the curious type, and can’t help wondering which it is. Is there any subtle way to test this without him figuring out what I am wondering – because it would be incredibly inappropriate to bluntly ask.

Inquiring minds want to know.

The only reason I’d ask was if I was interested in having sex with them.

@FutureMemory Part of me wants to say, “if only.” But no. And good thing. He has not had any luck with long term relationships and has had very bad luck with marriage. He hasn’t seen his kid in years. His ex-wife had him thrown in a mental facility and then kept him drugged up for years so he couldn’t think. He has also done many much worse things because he would always seek out danger (trying to kill himself without killing himself, I think).

I wouldn’t mind being him once, just to see what it’s like to be so glib and confident and to be such an asshole, but not more than that, I think. He is really so not-me. And yet I really like him. He is one of the few people I know who gets despair and cynicism so perfectly. His only problem is that he thinks that is the only reasonable way to view life, and he never, ever (except once or twice) is willing to show his true aspirations. He doesn’t believe they are possible and won’t let himself even think them most of the time. He could only be me if we had multiple personalities. ;-)

@wallabies…....I cannot say that I would not be flattered with attention (especially if he is charming and attractive…it’s a normal human response.) I think at this stage in my life, my BS detector works a heck of a lot better than say, a decade ago…I would now be too bold: “Do I have a boyfriend? Which answer will get you to stop asking me such personal questions?” LOL

By the way, I don’t want to detract from you….after all, you must be cute as a button to engender this attention…LOL! And, it really does feel good to have someone pay attention to one at times. Flirtation is an art in itself (as the French know) and not necessarily a means to an end. I would just be a bit wary…and take everything that is asked and said with a grain of salt.

Maybe he’s friendly, – and – he’s interested in you. And curious, maybe about you, maybe about everything.
And if you’re working together there are all kinds of reasons to get to know the people you’re working with, some kind, some political, some collegial, some predatory.

But __Look Out!__ a significant-other relationship at work can be Very Challenging and Intense. It’s great when you’re ‘in love’ (everyone else around you will puke) and it’s hell when you’re not getting along, at home and at work, all day long every day.

@wundayatta As I get older I feel more and more that you cannot expect to get everything from one person. You get a little bit of everything you want from a lot of people in different ways. So I think I get your situation.

@DarlingRhadamanthus @dabbler Yes, whenever someone asks me if I have a boyfriend, I always just want to put them on the spot and ask “Why do you want to know?” but never do. Isn’t it a justified question in that case, though?! This guy is more like a supervisor than a colleague, there is a slight age difference, and neither of us is single, so there are more than enough reasons to keep things professional! I think I am curious to know, for one, because I hope this is not the reason we are now working together, as I had certain professional goals in mind when I agreed to the work and if this is just a fun distraction for him I don’t think I will achieve my goals in this position. Professionally, we seem to have a lot of interests in common, so I’d like to keep in touch with this person and possibly continue to work with him. And also because I honestly am a little attracted to him and he is one of a very few people in the world that I instantly felt like I’ve known forever – strange, really. Have you guys, or anyone else, ever felt that way about someone? Like just instantly comfortable around a person? Because normally I am a very private person and prefer to keep my guard up around new people and I never felt like this around this person. I think I’m probably attracted mostly because of the things that my relationship lacks, so the easy thing to do is to find other people to fill those voids and the much more difficult one is to continue to work on the existing relationship. Flirtation is an art, and a highly underrated one at that, IMO!

I’ve met a few people in my life that felt like I knew them from before. I’ve had a number of very close relationships with women that were not sexual, although, had I not been married and they not been married, probably could have gone that way. These relationships came and went. I think they are not sustainable if you don’t get married and you stop working together. They require the energy that comes from being with someone every day.

Intimacy is not that hard for me. It’s easy for me to become close to women, anyway. But just because it’s easy to get intimate, doesn’t mean that a relationship has the kind of depth that a marriage has. There’s something that happens when you live with someone and you work through life every day together that builds a different kind of intimacy that holds together in a way that workplace relationships cannot do.

I have been in a place where I had the first kind of intimacy, and I hungered for the second kind—the day to day living together kind—but it just never went that way, and so eventually the original intimacy fades away and becomes unsustainable. Of course, there isn’t enough time in my life for all the loves I could have had. Sometimes, though, there are new loves that insist on replacing the old ones. That is when life becomes pretty impossible. You can not give up your marriage, but you also can not give up this new person in your life who perhaps you would have married in some other universe that you do not happen to inhabit. It is a sad thing that you can not have both loves, and yet it is a blessing to know that other loves can come into your life.

if the person feels they want to be with them, or just wants to now more about he person before they do anything.