Just because a song hits a spot of memory of my ex, doesn't mean I'm hung up on him does it?

I mean, it’s like missing someone that died. I feel like it’s a death in a way.

I think it’s called “baggage.”

Well, look at it this way. You never know what the future might hold. I got back in touch with an old flame after 28 years! lol We both divorced and had daughters the same age at the time. It was great! We dated again for several years and still remain close friends but the geography and work/personal demands made it hard to sustain a traditional romantic relationship, but, you just never know what’s in store.

For now though you must move on and let go, what’s the point of torturing yourself over something that is not meant to be at this time. Fond memories are normal but staying stuck in grieving mode is not good for you. One door closes and another one opens. Put all your energy into the relationship you have now.

This is life, people, things and circumstances are ever changing, hold on loosely. :-)

I’m not in grieving mode! lol I’m just saying that when I hear a song it makes me think of that person. I can’t help it if a song brings me back to a certain period, ya know? I’m not sad or heart broken, it just kinda hurts to know that we never be friends agian. I’m not wanting to get back with him, I don’t want a fling, I don’t want that. Just being “allowed” to talk to eachother is enough. But it’s pretty much never again we’re allowed to talk.

I’d say it’s pretty normal.
You’re human.

Sounds like you’re still pining for him, at least in a small way.
Also sounds like your ex is currently whipped.

Embrace it. Your sadness means you enjoyed something meaningful and deep. That is a good thing.
Would you rather you didn’t care at all? That is all meant nothing? was meaning less? Or you hated each other? I didn’t think so.
You had, and still have, something special inside. You are a richer person for it.

Different songs take me to different times in my life. They may or may not include a specific person. As time goes on, you will barely remember this guy.

Music is the language of the travels our hearts have taken. Hopefully, the memories are good. I don’t think you’re wanting him back. You’re just keeping memories.

We (fluther) are not in a position to judge whether you’re over this guy. We are only answering based on one question and your side of the story. You claim that you aren’t thinking of him every day. Are you thinking of him rarely, every week, every-other day? Do your memories lead to tears? Is it just one song, or multiple songs / bands? Is it a situation like “I just heard that Weezer song, and Weezer played that show with Oasis in 2009, and I Oasis was a huge influence on Gotye, and Gotye sings that song that reminds me of him.” Remember, we humans are pretty good at deceiving ourselves. Your close friends who claim that you aren’t over him may have a very different view than you.

I agree with @chyna—different songs were important at different times in my life and when I encounter that song, it makes me think of a memory. Not pine for anyone, but just makes me think of a memory. Sometimes it’s for an ex, sometimes my kids, sometimes my mom, etc.

Examples:
“Again” by Janet Jackson and “Burn Georgia Burn” by Alabama—makes me think of my son’s biological father.
“All I Want is You” by U2— makes me think of my relationship from when I was 22.
“Angels Among Us” by Alabama, “The River” by Garth Brooks and many more- my mom.
“I Hope You Dance” by LeeAnn Womack- my daughter.
“Dynomite” by Taye Cruz and “The Remedy” by Jason Mraz- my son.
“The Hungry Years” by Neil Sedaka- another ex.
“I Swear” by John Michael Montgomery- my ex husband.
“The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston reminds me of my high school graduation.
Etc.

My point is—remembering a song is not a sign of being obsessed or over a guy. There are other clues for that—

That’s not unusual. it will fade with time. Make sure you replace the friendship component of your relationship.

Nooo tears! lol

I can’t help thinking of my ex-wife (the one I divorced 35 40 years ago) when I hear the Beatles’ Here Comes the Sun. She had chosen that as her processional.

And believe me, I’ve been over her for 30 35 years now.

Music often triggers memories of people, situations, etc. It’s built into your memory and will probably always be there. It doesn’t mean anything except it’s an association with a memory. You’ll probably have many of them in your later years, some happy, some not so. They become less intense as you get further from them.

I agree with @CWOTUS: that something sparks a memory does not mean that you are still hung up on whatever that memory is about. Despite the fact that my wife is looking over my shoulder right now—and is looking even more closely now that I just wrote that—I have no trouble saying that I think of one of my ex-girlfriends whenever I hear my prom song. It’s a good memory, and we had fun together for a time. Still, I’m quite over it now. This kind of memory is a phenomenon best summed up by the song “In My Life” by the Beatles (link with lyrics).

@SavoirFaire Well said.

Not really. It’s a tie to the past, sure, but it’s the past that makes the present.

@GladysMensch Already gave my answer. Only you can honestly answer what it means. That said, all those who noted how deeply music connects with our memories of the past are spot on. Chances are it just means memories of the way we were.

@LuckyGuy… you nailed it. Good answer.

Thanks for the pointer to a real GA, @ram201pa.

@ram201pa Thank you. I only wish I didn’t have the typos. I meant to say:
Would you rather you didn’t care at all? That it all meant nothing? That it was all meaningless? Or you hated each other? I didn’t think so.
You had, and still have, something special inside. You are a richer person for it.”

It is like a death; we build our lives around someone and plan our futures with them playing a large part—then they’re gone. We then have to redefine ourselves as an individual and plot a different course for our future. This can take a long time, depending on the nature of the relationship and breakup, as well as on the grieving individual’s personality traits. Death provides a finality that we don’t have when a relationship breaks up; there is a strange feeling of knowing that person is out there living a completely separate life from yours.

Another song that touches this theme is “Smoke” by Ben Folds Five; it always reminds me of my ex-husband, and how that decade of my life is almost like it never happened, if I didn’t have my son as evidence.

Leaf by leaf, and page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding, and tear the glue
All of the grief we never ever knew
We had it all along
Now its smoke

The things we’ve written in it
Never really happened
All the things we’ve written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive
Smoke

We will not write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one

Here’s an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
Here’s the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here’s the time we didn’t speak
it seemed for years and years
Here’s a secret
No one will ever know the
reasons for the tears
They are smoke

Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Come on and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying
We are, smoke

Music connects deeply to our memories, especially if the song is associated with someone you have loved. Your ex may always have a place in your heart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pining for him or that you’re unhappy in your current relationship. It just means that this person left an impression on you. He’s a connection to your past and the way you were.

@LuckyGuy I could see through your typos. :-)

No. We don’t forget good things even if they ended badly.