Who in your life is a model for body confidence?

If you can’t tell by my photo, I’m female, lol. And I would say that model is my husband, who is as skinny as a rail and quite fit. He had to endure a number of physical trials a few years ago that many “fit” people would fail miserably at.

(FAAB) Kate Harding, a couple female friends. It’s not the vast majority of people I know (especially women I know), but they’re out there.

I know people, including myself, that accept their bodies and don’t worry about how it looks. It seems there are more people that are the opposite, though. One thing I don’t understand is women that are 120lbs or less complaning and bitching about their bodies, trying any diet that comes out. It’s just kinda sick.

@Blackberry It’s not that they’re sick. It’s that it’s never about how much you weigh, women in our society are trapped between trying to look good for men, contradictory messages and the obsession with diet and looking skinny.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yeah, it would at least make sense if it was about weight, about a goal. Instead it seems like they’re trying to literally make themselves disappear.

@Blackberry That’s pretty much a good way to explain the effect of sexism in this country.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Quick question: Does it make any difference what gender you were raised in?

I think it makes a difference. Women are raised to be more conscious about their appearance than men are, so it’s a useful data point. Although I read a study a few years back that asserted that women are in competition with other women and they’re trying to look good for other women, not so much for the attention of men.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I think it does as well. However, a trans person seems to be forced to answer contrary to their self identification.

As anecdotal evidence to support your other comment about women in competition: I noticed may years ago that women did not seem to protect female newcomers in a 12 Step program from the predations of males. The response I got when I asked an ‘old timer’ female member was that ‘women are in competition with each other’. I found that stunning and horrid at the same time. Again, just anecdotal information.

@ro_in_motion Of course it does. Women are raised to worry about the physical a lot more. It is basically their entire responsibility in life, to look pleasing to men unless they’re moms or over 40. A trans person may have whatever gender identity they actually are but they were (in most cases) raised one of the two accepted genders. That’s why I say not the gender you are but the gender you were raised with, to account for transgender people first.

The competition thing is also true. They’re in competition with one another for the male gaze. In our society, we all look at women (whether we are women or not) through a male gaze (heteronormatively speaking).

Melissa Mccarthy from “Bridesmaids”.

I am a woman and I think I am pretty fortunate not to really have a body confidence model. From puberty on I was raised by a single dad and he never said a word about my weight, positive or negative. Since I didn’t have a mother around I was never exposed to a women obsessing about these things. As a result I don’t think much about it at all. I stay in shape and eat well mostly because I feel better when I do, but even in my frumpier, more “weighty” times I have never felt insecure about my figure or had a poor body image. I personally feel confident about how I look and don’t diet or obsess about exercise. I really think that it is dumb luck though because of my life circumstances. Well that and laziness, I just don’t have the energy to obsess about that stuff.

Hetero female here and I think that confidence is an inside job, and when it’s in place the exterior follows. I have to work hard to keep my weight in check as my body naturally wants to be heavier than I prefer, but no obsessions here and yes, I like myself very much as I am.
I am also very comfortable with my aging process and accept that things are shifting and starting to go south. lol
I have zero interest in “augmenting” or “enhancing” my physical being via cosmetic surgeries and feel pleased that my ego is not suffering as are some of my female friends as they try to come to grips with their fading blossoms. haha
My mantra is I am growing old gracefully, sitting in my hot tub with some good wine, let the parts fall where they may. If I was going to spend 10 or 20k on something it sure as hell is not going to be plastic surgery. That’s a lot vacations, I’d rather go on a cruise than lift my breasts or face.

Here’s something I don’t understand: study after study indicates that men prefer women with a healthy amount of adipose tissue. But in similar studies, women prefer a leaner look than men, often below levels associated with a healthy body. If women are really trying to appeal to the male ideal, why this race toward waifdom?

@thorninmud We’re what we call ‘data-proof’ in many spheres of our societal lives aka. we don’t do things that are so-called rational..

Then how is it possible to attribute a motive such as trying to appeal to a male ideal? That seems like it would be a rational interpretation.

No one, really. I personally use the “fake it ‘til you make it” technique for modeling confidence.

I’m a man. I don’t have any particular model. Just about anyone who is skinnier than I am is a model. Maybe the best models are those who got to be a fat as I am and then lost weight. If they can do it, maybe I can.

My problem is that even when I was thin, I thought I was ugly. So I don’t expect that there are any circumstances where I would think of myself as the kind of guy who could attract the female gaze. I’m not hot. I never was. I never will be. That’s just not for me. If a woman is going to be attracted to me, it will be for something else besides my looks.

What I need to do now is to try to see if I can save my son from this poor body image. He’s good looking, but he doesn’t believe it either. My daughter, somehow, seems to know she is good looking. All I have to do there is to try not to kill that idea in her mind.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Moms aren’t let off the hook; they’re constantly being told how they need to reclaim what they had, how to “get their body back”. God forbid they be happy with the change their body went through in creating life…

@thorninmud Not really seeing how it’s a fundamentally fucked up way to be.

@Aethelflaed I know, I was using hyperbole there…women are always to tend to their appearance but moms should refocus their life obsession with looks to obsession with kids, first and foremost.

Myself the first 30 years of my life.

I’m a male and I am a man modeled after my father. He was active and fit into his 70’s when he contracted Parkinson’s disease. Like him I am quite a bit heavier than I look and have a love for physical labor. Illness has taken much of that from me, but I recognize what is missing in my life that would make me happy. As he aged, he got a little pudgy in the middle like I am doing. He was very comfortable with his body as it morphed and used to say to Mom “I already caught a fish, I don’t need to cut bait any more”. It irked her a little. I kinda feel the same way but don’t have the nerve to say that to my wife.

I was raised female.
I don’t think I really have a model for body confidence. I can’t think of anyone that I know that is completely happy with the way that their body looks. If they are happy with their body, it’s because they obsess about their looks all the time.
My dad, who was over weight later in his life, was critical of women who were not thin. My mother who is very thin, was quietly and sometimes not so quietly superior about her weight. I don’t think that I have ever heard her say that she thought that someone was too thin. She has made remarks about people and their weight that indicates to me that she clearly thinks that all people would be as thin as she is if they just weren’t lazy and had some self control.

I was raised female and until recently (last 2–3 years) I was naturally very thin, so I never needed to diet or worry about being overweight. I’m slightly overweight now (by about 10 pounds only), and I have a bit of a beer-belly, but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. My body dysphoria issues were entirely due to the physical sex of my body. My role-models for body confidence are my trans-male friends who are undergoing (or have completed) transition.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I would say, as I have aged I am less bothered by what I, and I assume most people, would consider my physical imperfections. I am not fat but I am not thin.
I now am much more concerned with my physical health. My goal is to lose those the15 pounds that my Dr. suggests that I lose. I have arthritis and high blood pressure and my Dr. says that being leaner and thinner would help me keep those problems under control.
I want to feel better and be healthier. That has now become much more important to me than turning a mans head.

My mother is my model, in a negative way. she is a fatophob. and is very rude and controlling at 93. She doesnt teach acceptance.

I was raised female and from the time I was 12 through 16, my mom was anorexic. She got down to 95 pounds when she should’ve been 120 minimum. I was very athletic but bulimic in high school. Now, my body’s just what it is- a bit fluffy and undergoing transformation.

The person I admire the most for body image confidence is a friend of mine, Pia. She has been thin, really large, lost lots of weigh, is now an exercise buff—and never lost her confidence or allure. She doesn’t try to be something she’s not and lives very much in the now with her body. Even when she was large, she never had problems getting dates!

I was raised female. I’m my own best model for body confidence, I guess. I love my body, and I’ve always tried to keep a healthy outlook towards appearance. My mom made it gently plain she thought I was too heavy when I was young, and her criticism always made me feel vaguely uneasy. I think I knew there was something wrong with what she was telling me. Retrospectively, I’m very glad I managed to not internalize that.

I have never dieted, though I counted calories for awhile because of general interest in food. I have to stay on top of maintaining enough weight because my guts have a lot of trouble digesting most kinds of food, so much of what I eat does not stick. If you think you’d love to have this problem, think again.

It would be interesting to be hot in the modern sense, just to see how people might act differently. But I bet it would get old real quick – big breasts look annoying, and I kind of like being very short (except at music shows and on really crowded subway cars). Besides, I think I’m beautiful (I’m a total narcissist – sometimes I arrest my own gaze as I’m passing by a mirror), and so does my beloved (like, mesmerized by my body), so…yeah, I can’t think of someone else I know with more body confidence than I have. Roseanne Barr, if we count people I don’t know personally.

@wilma Now you know me :) I am completely happy with my looks, and I do not obsess about them. I don’t even wear makeup (and that is saying something if you’re my age, female, and spend a lot of time in Manhattan).