What is the proper etiquette for gift giving for a wedding?

A gift registry was enclosed in the envelope with your wedding invitation?

Oh yes. With a coupon of 15% for any gift bought for over $50.00!

I’ve never seen that before. I’d go with a greeting card. If there is a table at the reception to place gifts, you won’t feel so out of place not contributing. Take your card with your head held high and place it on the table. Have fun and enjoy the festivities. Don’t worry about the gift since you honestly can’t afford another one.

Who are these people? I would not buy another gift.

The shower gift is for the shower. The wedding gift is for the wedding. It’s expected that you’d give a wedding gift, but if you’re unemployed and you can’t then you can’t. Per etiquette, you have up to one year to give a wedding gift, so if you get some money in the next year, you have some time.

Good answer, @jca. Have you heard of sending a gift registry and coupon with the invitation? That was a new one for me.

You should give the couple a gift. You could offer a service such as house sitting on their honeymoon. You could make a gift. Or you could buy a gift not on their registry.

As @jca says, you have up to one year after the wedding to give the couple a gift.

Go to the wedding, and give a gift that you can afford. It doesn’t have to be on their registry.

Here’s an idea that I love. I bet you could contact the artist and see if she’ll create you a miniature one in a small frame, for maybe $35—$40. Since it is a custom one of a kind personalized piece, it will always be special regardless of cost.

Another idea is to contact a local artist to do a small watercolor or pen and ink drawing of the church or site where they’ll be married, and have it framed. You might be able to find someone who is quite talented to do this for you for under $50. They can put the date of the wedding at the bottom, when they sign it. Again, the fact that it’s one of a kind and personalized can give it far greater value than the dollars spent on it.

Lastly, this is under $100, but still maybe too pricey, but I think they’re a really pretty wedding gift.

Yes as they are two different events.

Do what you can and feel based on your ability to give. When things are better financial, you can gve more if you wish.

I wouldn’t sweat it….Enjoy the event.

I do like the idea of a gift of service. If you attend the wedding and eat the lovely meal, drink the lovely drinks and dance to the lovely music, there is a general expectation of some kind of gift.

Can you make a book of coupons for 1) taxiing to and from the airport, 2) washing windows 3) planting and weeding the garden 4) house cleaning and/or any other chore that you can offer?

Did you feel that you were super-generous with the shower gift in relation to your income?

As @GoldieAV16 said, gift does not have to come from registry. It can be anything at all that you feel. I was invited to a wedding once and bought a Waterford clock from Costco, for about $60. I was invited solo, and I felt the clock was an appropriate gift.

You are not obligated to buy from the list, just do what you can afford. Maybe just a couple of champagne glasses and a pair of candles and candle holders or something modest but creative and thoughtful. An import place like Pier One or Cost Plus is always a great place to find relatively inexpensive and colorful/creative gifts.

A gift is required if you are going to go; formal etiquette even requires a smaller gift if you are not attending. However, as has been stated above, you can give a gift that you feel comfortable giving. One of the things that I like to give as a wedding gift is handmade pottery.

Ok, so it looks like I should buy another gift per etiquette. I will look around for something not on the registry but that I think is a good gift. Thanks all.

I agree with @jca.

If you cannot afford a gift now, I am sure the bride and groom still want you to attend and enjoy in the celebration. Especially if there is nothing on the registry less than $100, I am going to guess they have quite a bit of money, at minimum in the family, and will be receiving many beautiful gifts and cash, that you do not give them anything will not stand out like a sore thumb. I would be very upset if a friend of mine felt badly they could not give me a gift, or did not come to my wedding because she felt badly about not having money for a gift. I would never want them to feel like that. I invited them because I want them there.

If you want to get them something, you certainly can buy something less expensive that you can afford. The registry might help guide you to another item that costs less, or you can give something like a beatiful frame, candy dish, many smaller things that might work.

Also, FYI, typically families with more money do not expect gifts at the wedding, they expect them to be sent to the house or given in person. Sent to the house being the more likely, especially if gifted before the wedding. There will be a few people who do bring gifts to the wedding, but most won’t, so not having a gift the day of the wedding is no big deal at all.

My husband’s family and friends’ weddings are the only weddings I’ve been to where gifts were given at the wedding reception. It isn’t something done in my neck of the woods, which isn’t families with more money, btw.

@bkcunningham I just said that. Jinx.

I agree with @JLeslie

I also don’t attend weddings of friends of friends, unknown relatives of friends, etc. It’s obvious when some people are just collecting other people as bearers of gifts rather than a genuine interest in the person themselves. I find this greedy behavior very off putting.

@Coloma If I am going to attend, I give a gift, even if it is a sort of distant relationship, friend of friend, or distant relative (that type of invitation almost never happens to me, the closest I can think of is being invited to one of my husband’s work colleagues daughter’s wedding). If I am not attending, and it is a friend of a friend or relative I have never talked to then I don’t bother giving a gift. If I am the date of someone, and don’t know the couple at all, then I don’t give any money towards the gift either. But, we went to the wedding for the daughter of the coworker, so I sent a gift. I spent less than I usually would for a reltives wedding.

If you go to the wedding, generally the sort of rule is they are spending to feed me and entertain me, and I pay it back in kind to the bride and groom with a gift or check. But, of course other things factor in as to how close I feel to the couple, how much money I have to spend, etc. I know this sort of thing has been discussed before on fluther and some were very offended with the idea of the cost of the dinner being factored in. In fact I was glad I did not spend to much on that cowroker wedding I mentioned above because it was basically just appetizers and alcohol, and I don’t drink. But, even if it had been a full blown 5 course meal, I would have felt ok with what I purschased her, since it was a little odd we were invited.

In general, in most etiquette books, it is considered very bad taste to include a gift registry with the invitation to a wedding (although it has become fairly common practice these days because people just don’t know any better). In some ways it helps people who have no idea what to give the couple a few ideas, but a registry is in no way an obligation.

The shower is a separate event from the wedding. You are not obligated to give a wedding gift, but it would be very nice if you could give them something. A lot of people are down on their luck financially these days, so unless this particular couple is mean and snobby, they will not be offended by a small or token gift, or even just a card.

A few inexpensive ideas that I have given as gifts: a framed photo of the couple that you took. A cookbook that goes along with either of the couple’s ethnic background (I actually found a Jewish/Italian cookbook for one of my friends’s wedding and they were so pleased). A beautiful Sake set (can be found for less than $20 at a Japanese market) or a set of Japanese soup bowls with those big spoons and a set of chopsticks. Or this Book of Us which is a nifty book for couples that ask a lot of interesting questions that the couple may not have known about each other for $10. A brand new address book (they probably both have their own old ratty books, but now that they’re a couple they can combine their addresses and leave out the old outdated stuff). Or a nice photo album for them to fill up with their new life together, for less than $20. Or even a set of plastic picnic dishes from Target or Walmart. They’ve got some really cute inexpensive stuff right now.

Whether or not there is a gift table at the wedding reception depends upon how formal the wedding is. A bunch of my cousins had very informal weddings with a gift table, but the presents were always taken home and not opened in the presence of the guests, to open wedding gifts in front of guests has always been considered bad taste, although with shower gifts that is part of the fun. With more formal weddings, the gifts are usually mailed to the home of the bride and groom.

So go to the wedding and have a good time, give a small token gift or just a card and hope that the couple is decent and loving and not just crass folks looking for a shakedown. You probably already know what kind of folks the couple are and that should guide your decision about whether to go or not, or whether to give a gift or not.

@JLeslie I agree, I just don’t accept invitations for weddings of people so far removed from the reality of my circle of friends and family. Personally I don’t even LIKE going to weddings, unless it is someone very close to me. ;-)

Yeah, I never did understand this need to give two gifts. At the weddings, I usually just give them cash. It’s the one thing you can always be sure they will be short on after the wedding.
I’m sure if the bride knows your current situation, she will understand. Just leave her an I O U in an envelope.
I know if I invited someone unemployed to my wedding I would not expect them to bring anything. In fact I would feel bad enough if I knew it was putting them out. Rarely do brides have the time to send out the invites or really look at it. It might’ve been sent by a family member helping out or she just forgot your situation when mailing them out. Then again, you hate to make assumptions about a persons finances.

Never buy the bride a vibrator?

^^ Reminds me of stories of people who try to regift things by repacking them in the original packing materials. Dunno if people get away with it, though.

@beachbum76 If buying them something is truly a hardship I say don’t buy anything. Never go into debt to buy gifts for others. I say this for weddings, birthdays, christmas, everything. When you have money you can give a gift.

@pandora If I am invited to a shower, I give a smaller gift, usually money, for the wedding. Badically giving the same total I would have anyway more or less.

I would say if you want to buy something and can afford to buy something then buy something… If you want to buy something but can’t afford to buy something then don’t buy something, or wait until you can afford to buy something… If you don’t want to buy something, whether you can afford to buy something or not, then don’t buy something… There are no rules set in concrete, it is up to you entirely… Don’t let the fact that you can’t afford to buy something put you off going to a wedding you would like to attend… And don’t feel embarrassed about not giving a gift, I’m sure your presence is more important to the couple than your present…

My ex and I received a lovely gift at our wedding, and we enjoyed it (and the thought behind it) so much that we always used the same gift when we attended weddings. Paying it forward, kind of. It was a “honeymoon basket”. A bottle of champagne (or wine), 2 glasses, and some snacks (nuts, fruit, candy, whatever), meant to be enjoyed on the first night of the honeymoon. This gift can be very inexpensive in down financial times, or very extravagant in better times. It was universally appreciated! The only caveat: You do have to let the couple know that they’ll need to take it with them when they leave the reception.

@augustlan I love doing gift/picnic basket type gifts. Great idea!

That is a great idea, can be economical depending on how “good” of a shopper the gift giver is, can be clever depending on how crafty the gift giver is! Love it! I always see this crap on the registry, like crystal, etc., and how practical is it for people today? Not very! The gift basket is practical.

Update for @jca the update lady.
I went to the wedding about 2 months ago and gave them a check in a card. They cashed it immediately. I haven’t recieved a thank you card yet. Ha.