When did you choose to be straight?

First time I saw a boy who turned me on, but I understand what you are asking.

Never had to to make a conscious choice, I love penises, and not the strap on kind. lol

That’s great. These people seem like they honestly hadn’t thought about it that way. I love questions that really get someone’s mind out of hibernation.

In my experience, however, people don’t usually respond this well. I wish everyone would.

The “gays choose to be that way” has always amazed me – I want to introduce them to my best friend in college, a young gay black man in the south, who lived in fear (especially when traveling with his white, female best friends).

Now me – I actually did choose to be in a relationship with another woman. But I don’t identify as gay, I think of myself as bisexual (of course, to bigots, there’s no difference).

I love that video. He makes my point exactly.

@Mama_Cakes Nice. That’s a great question. You finally gave me a response for my redneck family when they’re running down homosexuality.

From the comments section of the video:

“Whether you chose to be gay or not, I couldn’t care less if you were married or lived next door to me, just don’t be all up in my face about it with you Leather Pants, Whips, Dildo’s and Unicorns!!!”

It makes me sad that I’m 100% sure this person is an American.

@FutureMemory That does sound rather biased, but…I feel the same way about straight people being all overly sloppy and out there with their affections. Hand holding, kissing, arm & arm, fine, but I don’t want to be next to people making out in my face like there is nobody else around. I think there are levels of appropriate public behavior for everyone regardless of sexual orientation.
Same goes for swearing loudly in public and playing the music in your car so freaking loud that it levitates the person next to you.
There is something to be said for basic courtesy and modesty IMO.

No one on Fluther has a problem with gay people. Try asking this on Sodahead.

@Blackberry Oh, there have been a few.

@Mama_Cakes They tend to be pretty crazy though, and find themselves kicked out before too long. We do have a few more conservative voices on here though, who are sane enough to simply carry out an argument rather than go off the handle.

Maybe one will find this.

As for the OP…. I dunno… I couldn’t really pick out a day or time when I for sure realized I was straight. I started having crushes on girls as early as elementary school… fantasizing sexually in middle school, and actually dating in high school. So who really knows when you would classify it as choosing to be straight (if you could even do such a thing, which I suspect it not being a choice is the whole point you’re emphasizing).

We don’t have a choice in the cards we are dealt but we have some choice in how we should play them.

@flutherother: “We don’t have a choice in the cards we are dealt but we have some choice in how we should play them.”

Could you elaborate?

Good clip. Good point. I don’t have a problem with homosexuality, but I’ll keep this in mind if I run into the argument. Thanks.

I can’t play the video (says it’s in safe mode), but I didn’t ever choose to be straight. As a tiny toddler, I was romantically drawn to Pow-Wow the Indian Boy, Mighty Mouse, Bozo’s sidekick, Butch, Bugs Bunny, Dudley Do-Right. Later, it was Timmy Martin, Sky King, Mark McCain, Will Robinson. All I felt for Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck and Nell was jealousy.

Right after my parents sent me to straight camp.

@tom_g I meant we don’t have a choice in whether to be straight or gay but as to how we live our lives as gay or as straight members of society is up to us.

@judochop What if you got confused and got on the wrong bus. Maybe they meant to send you to gay camp?

I participated in a panel discussion once and all the panelists were straight and the gay folks asked them all the questions we are always asked. “When did you choose to be straight?” was one of them. Some of the others included, [asked of a woman] “so, when you’re in the bedroom do you pretend to the man or does he pretend to be the woman or what?” “How old were you when you told your parents you were straight?”

It would all be funny if it weren’t so sad. At the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, I actually had a client ask me how he could convince his parents he was actually an undiagnosed hemophiliac rather than having to come out to them.

Straight out of the factory. No choice needed.

(sigh) Another “it’s not a choice” thread.

I chose to be straight sometime around puberty.

@Blackberry “brrrrerrrp, brrreerrrp, brrreerrp” (red light flashing). We have one above. I repeat, we have one above.

I considered choosing to be straight, but I ultimately decided against it because it wasn’t interesting. I wanted to stand out from the crowd. In middle school, there was this girl that I thought was really attractive, but it seemed almost everyone felt that way. And I was like “this isn’t special”. So one day I decided to be aroused by the same gender instead. The secrets of how I did that I will never reveal in full, but it involved something about the Psychotria plant and ancient Greek chants. Either way, in a few days, my sexuality was solidified as homosexual. And I’m happy with that choice. Wouldn’t go back if I could, which I can :) But I won’t.

I never thought we had a choice. I didn’t decide to be straight anymore than the gay guy next door decided to be gay. “You are born that way” like Lady Gaga says

@Mama_Cakes
I don’t have a problem with gay people at all. What’s it to me? Why should I care who you love or don’t love? It’s really none of my business.

I’m just tired of this same old discussion is all. Everyone seems to be hung up on who is a homophobe, who is tolerant, who is this and that. Why do gay people get a parade but straight people don’t? Is it genetic or not? Is it a choice or not? Is it a sin? Is it not a sin? Is sin even a thing? What does the bible have to do with anything? And on and on and on we spin on the hamster wheel of futility.

What difference does it really make if it’s a choice or not? Why is it such a big deal for anyone if it’s a choice? Who gives a $h1T? If you’re gay, you’re gay. If you’re straight, you’re straight. If you’re other, you’re other.

I never made a choice about my sexuality and I suspect that is the same for others too.

My view is, some people like to eat meat, some don’t. Some people like to fly some don’t. Some people like to write with their right hand, some don’t. the differences go on and on.

It appears that if the mainstream are in fear or don’t understand smaller sub cultures then they rule it as wrong.

My view is that why should it make a difference if two people find love and companions of the same sex.

I think too many hetrosexuals concentrate on the actual sexual act, and feel awkward that homosexuals are challenging their preferences.

The act of eating is something that is accepted by all, the only time there is debate is when the details and preferences are shared. I could argue all day that I don’t like fish, the very thought of eating it makes me sick. However my friends eat fish in front of me telling me how great it is. I don’t dislike my friends because they like fish, it’s just something I don’t want to try.

@digitalimpression But, it’s not a choice.

Walk a mile, sonny. Walk a mile.

@digitalimpression “gay people get a parade”. Hey, I want a parade!

@digitalimpression Well, some people are just curious about the origins. It would be nice to know where it comes from. Some people use the “choice” argument as an explanation for why homosexuality is illegitimate, or needs to be changed, why people should be sent to ex-gay camps, etc. It does matter.

And of course, a lot of people do care. Of course it would be nice if we could all stop caring about people’s sexuality. But who stops caring first? As long as people consider homosexuality grounds for bullying, disowning, denying rights, and even killing, I have to care.

@DominicX “As long as people consider homosexuality grounds for bullying, disowning, denying rights, and even killing, I have to care.” Good for you! GA

I’ll have to remember to ask that question the next time I come across someone who thinks that it is a choice.

Speaking of bullying gay people, did you hear about Dan Savage? That is probably best for another thread…if anyone wants to start a discussion, I’d like to see thoughts.

@digitalimpression so you consciously chose to be straight when you hit puberty? Did it ever briefly cross your mind while making this choice that being gay might be a better option? Surely it did if you actually had to make a choice. That’s what choice implies… that there was a deviation in paths.

I guess I’ve selected pretty good people to be around as I haven’t had someone go on an anti-gay tirade in years and years. When I would hear that vitriolic hogwash I had a great time cutting those people down to size. Now I see I could have saved a lot of breath by simply asking, “When did you make the choice to be straight.” How succinct.

@Mama_Cakes And I disagree. Next question.

@Ron_C It’s cool to have pride in being gay, but if you’re straight and call it a “straight parade” you’re a homophobe and an intolerant bastard. Life is hilarious.

@DominicX I’m fine with that curiosity… but I take a similar stand as Morgan Freeman on African American History month. We (collectively as a species) need to grow up and ignore sexuality or race as a factor for anything… bullying or otherwise.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Congratulations on figuring out what a choice is. I made a choice. There was a “deviation in paths”. There were two roads diverged in a yellow wood.. however you want to word it..

@digitalimpression and one of those choices was to be gay, which is the choice you ostensibly rejected. Which means that you considered becoming gay, at least briefly, before resolving to actively pursue straight-itude? What made you choose straightness over being gay?

@digitalimpression: “Mama_Cakes – And I disagree. Next question.”

I’m having a difficult time following this thread, so I apologize if I get this wrong…

So, you are saying that sexuality is a choice, right?
And since it’s a choice, you’re saying that you choose or chose to be straight? Could you go into some detail here? This is fascinating. I mean, how often does “choice” come into play here? Daily? Only during sexy times with your spouse? I’d seriously love to know.

@digitalimpression: “Ron_C – It’s cool to have pride in being gay, but if you’re straight and call it a “straight parade” you’re a homophobe and an intolerant bastard. Life is hilarious.”

The entire culture is a celebration of heterosexuality. A “straight parade” would be an exercise in absurd redundancy. But if you really feel like you need one, go ahead and start one.

When I admitted I could never give up one sex forever to be with the other. It seemed unfair to engage anyone at that point knowing I could never be fully committed. It all ran against my follow-through orientation. This was tough though because falling in love still happened and at times when I was very lonely or isolated, I knew who would always love me but I didn’t want to take advantage or short change that person.

@tom_g So, you are saying that sexuality is a choice, right?
And since it’s a choice, you’re saying that you choose or chose to be straight? Could you go into some detail here? This is fascinating. _I mean, how often does “choice” come into play here? Daily? Only during sexy times with your spouse? I’d seriously love to know.

All of that is what I’m trying to figure out too.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You sure are redundant. Like a brick wall having a conversation with itself. Why do you care what my reasons are? What difference does it make?

@tom_g I don’t think anyone needs a parade celebrating their sexuality. Repeating myself is getting a little too out of hand for this thread…

Enjoy your day.

@digitalimpression: “Repeating myself is getting a little too out of hand for this thread…”

Technically, you didn’t answer the questions the first time. Nor did you use this last comment to answer them, so “repeating” isn’t the appropriate term. If they are questions you don’t have answers to, just say so. If it’s too private or you feel uncomfortable, just let us know.

I’m being dead serious that I would love to know how the “choice” thing works. I’m not trying to bait you into some “gotcha” moment or whatever. I’m sure we’re not going to agree here. This is the first time I have really had someone tell me that they have chosen (or continue to choose) to be straight. I’d love to know what that really means – on a daily basis – and what it is like.

edit: fuck it, nevermind. Not worth it.

Repeating myself is getting a little too out of hand for this thread…

Just for this thread?

23 April 1995, 2:15 pm. Most intense coin toss of my life.

Cool video, I wished they would have interviewed more people. I’m bi and I never chose it, it was just there and always felt natural. I never even asked myself if it was abnormal or not. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for everyone and their sexuality. It did help that I had a really open minded dad to talk with about this sort of thing. I heard some horrible stories about what can happen to gays and lesbians though, so it’s hard thinking that they’d choose this, especially in countries where being gay is a lot more offensive to some people than here. Environment and society obviously have a lot to do with it, if not all of it, on how people look at the subject, and while I know nothing about how come some people are gay and others aren’t, I’m still weirded out on how we live in this super advanced society, yet some people still think being gay is a choice. Just my biased two cents, not trying to start a war.

Still on the fence. Any suggestions? I do love a parade.

@ratboy I’m totally gay now. You should join me.

“A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

I don’t know that I consciously ever made a choice.

I certainly never made a choice about my sexuality. It just is.

@digitalimpression I understand that part of your answer, but it does matter, to a lot of people. More importantly, since you say that you did make a choice to be straight, I would love to hear how that happened. Does this mean that you were equally capable of being gay and straight? Maybe you are bi, but don’t act on your male attraction. Can you please answer some of the follow up questions you’ve been asked?

June 7 1997. I revisit the decision every five years with the option to switch things up.

@SavoirFaire Coin toss? That’s a bit binary don’t you think? I went with the spinner.

@fundevogel I was young and stupid. I had no idea of the panoply of available options until several years after making my decision. Were I to do it again, I’d definitely opt for a 20-sided die.

In the words of my hero, Swifkaratechop: “I don’t care if you’re straight, if you’re gay, or if you’re bisexual. As long as you don’t get naked and try to rape me. But I have a problem with anyone who gets naked and tries to rape me.”

@SavoirFaire Ya dang nerd. Remember all those magically transmitted diseases that wizards can contract lol?

Right before I chose to be gay.

My favorite quote lately:

HOMOPHOBIA: The fear that gay men are going to treat you the way you treat women and that a lesbian will treat your woman better than you do.

relevant

That certainly was @tom_g .
I’m wondering about the people in his audience. How can they sit there and listen to that? I’d be high-tailin’ it out the damn door if someone said that crap in front of me.

@digitalimpression I guess that’s just your way of telling me that I don’t get a parade,,,,Damn!