For parents of college aged students, what rules/expectations do you hold for your child when he/she is home for summer?

You might want to pull back and realize the student has been on their own for a while. They probably like being their own boss, I know I did. Treat them like adults and have a discussion of what you both want. If you both are adults about the situation it’ll go much better.

As @Adirondackwannabe said, things will be differnt now they they have been out on their own for a while.
But…it is you house and so they should respect that. Assuming that they are over 18 and legally adults, they are also your children, the relationship now shifts a bit.
I always expected common courtesy. If they are a part of your household then they should pitch in and help with some household chores, at the very least keeping their own room clean and taking care of their own laundry or helping with the household laundry. When they go out they should give you some idea of when they they will home and if their plans change they should notify you. Why? my kids had a hard time with this at first. “Why do I have to tell you when I’ll be home? I’m an adult.”
“Yes,” I would say, “you are an adult, but I need to know when to call the police and tell them you are missing.” “If you don’t come home all night, or for a day or two, how do I know if you are having fun or if you are lying in a ditch somewhere?” “Just let me know.” That is common courtesy and I would expect that of anyone staying with me.

I don’t have children, but when I was that college student my parents expected me to let them know where I was, and what time I expected to be home, if I was coming home, and that was about it. Basically the same rules I would have for anyone I lived with whether it be an adult child, parent, sibling, friend, spouse. We shouldn’t have to guess where someone is who we expect to see at home.

I think the kids respond better if you talk to them as if they were house guests rather than kids. So it’s not what you expect of them, its how you present it to them. I think at this age, they have a chance of assuming that now that they are adults, anything goes. And if you don’t like it, it’s because you’re overprotective or nagging.

I’ve noticed from many different friends from the college student and the parent side of this. Parents frequently say that when they have a college aged friend of their kids also home, the friend almost always behaves better than their own kid. I think this is because the friend doesn’t hear “mom and dad” when the house rules are laid down. They hear two consenting adults negotiating some rules so everyone is happy.

I would treat them with the familiarity of one of my kids, but with the restraint of a house guest you care about. You can’t tell them when to be home, but you can ask them to check in with you if they’re going to be gone all night or something.

You can expect them to do their own laundry, as you would any long term house guest, and you can expect them to help with clean up around the house, but you can’t tell them what to do any more. :( :( :( sucks.

Just a couple of added details:
1. This is the first summer home for my daughter – she just finished her freshman year.
2. She is a fairly young freshman who LOVED partying at school/sorority life.
3. She wrecked her car over Thansgiving break while she was home, so she relies on others (including me) for rides. I’m already (four days into it) tired of being her chauffeur.
4. She works 32 hours a week for my husband, making pretty decent money. She believes that because she’s working she shouldn’t be held responsible for anything else at home.
5. The girl is a pretty good kid overall, but has an atrocious attitude and we will not last the three months of summer if we can’t find a common ground.
6. We also have 15,14, and 1-year-old boys in the house. It’s a bit of a handful when she enters the mix.

Weeeellll, @gimmedat. Hm. Perhaps you could make other arrangements for her, with people that she won’t feel quite so free to take unthankful advantage of? Friends of hers or yours or other family members? Maybe she’ll learn a lesson, and be ready to come back to your house without the attitude.

Perhaps her FAVORITE aunt @SuperMouse would LOVE to host her for the summer. I think I’ll ask!

That’ll cure what ails her! Get her to borrow Auggie’s whip.

Time for tough love, Mom/Dad. :(

Unfortunately, she’s come into her attitude quite naturally. We are way too similar, as I’m sure @SuperMouse would attest. We’ve practiced tough love all the way through, I guess we need to get tougher.

Was she drunk driving? If not, get her a new car so you don’t need to chaffeur her. Have her pay for part of it if you want. Or, give her your car to use and rent a car for two months if she doesn’t need a car at school, and have her pay her own gas.

I couldn’t afford to buy my kid a car….

@JLeslie she was not driving drunk, she was just Driving While Teenaged. She was fortunate to get her first car free and I have a hard time seeing her mom bellying up to buy another car.

You gonna take her @SuperMouse? :) If it works, it was my idea. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t. K?

@Dutchess_III I would be willing to take her but I am pretty sure she would not be ok with it! Although the threat to move her here might be enough to get her to straighten up and fly right! I live in a totally different part of town and she would be a ways away from her friends. Not to mention that I would not be willing/able to drive her around. She really is a good kid, just takes after her mother in the attitude department.

Well, let us know…. ;)

I would NEVER in two billion years but her another car. She wrecked the car she had, it was her fault, she will have to figure out what happens from here. I will not be her chauffeur. I will help her out reasonably. She will figure it out. We had a good conversation today and I hope she gets it. If not, she does have a rich aunt and uncle who would probably take her in and give her a car. Am I right @SuperMouse?

@gimmedat Was there insurance paid out on the car she crashed? I completely understand and support why you don’t want to buy her another car, but at the same time driving while teenager is just that. She was irresponsible because she is young, hopefully she learned her lesson to be more prudent in her driving. Is there public transportation where you live? If so, I would just have her use that.

She could absolutely move in with the rich aunt and uncle and I’ll bet they would loan her the Porsche. That would not be her Aunt Mouse.

@JLeslie there is decent public transportation around her and I think that would be a pretty good solution for her getting around town.

@SuperMouse But, wouldn’t the aunt only get her a car if the parents are ok with it?

@JLeslie that is true, but I honestly thing @gimmedat would be all right with them giving/loaning her a car; she would just not be willing to provide one.

@SuperMouse Then it is just about the cost isn’t it? Not about whether she deserves to have a car or not after the accident.

@JLeslie well she isn’t my daughter and I can’t really speak 100% for @gimmedat. I do think that gimme’s thinking is along the lines of her daughter having had a car and messing it up therefore her have to take responsibility for getting a new one rather then being about whether or not she deserves to have a car.

@SuperMouse So, if she gets one by asking her aunt that is good enough? That teaches her the lesson of having to get one on her own? I know you are not the parent in this particular situation, I am not asking you to guess what @gimmedat thinks, but what do you think?

I suggested getting her a new car for two reasons, one, everyone can screw up and have an accident, and as a teenager it is even more par for the course than as an adult. Why did she get a car before? She was such a responsible kid? Just be ause she turned 16? Parents became tired of driving her everywhere? I have no idea of course, just throwing typical reasons out there. I assume there was some insurance that covered part of the loss.

As a parent I think I would get tired of carting my kid around for everything, so even if I thought it was a good lesson to not give her a car after the accident, my own laziness and frustration would win out, plus I think the crash itself would probably teach the lesson that crashes really do happen if you suck at driving and take stupid risks. If I believed she might go one to easily kill herself or others because she did not take the accident seriously, then I would be inclined not to let her drive. If she really did not need a car at school (my school you didn’t need one, probably the majority of students don’t have one) then I would not get her one either.

I wonder if my husband would let his neice drive our Porsches? I doubt it.

@JLeslie as I said and you reiterated, I am not this child’s mother and all I can do is make an educated guess as to @gimmedat‘s thought process here.

My niece isn’t looking to her aunt and uncle to give her a car, if anything they might be willing to let her use one of theirs if she was living with them. They do happen to own a Porsche and would probably be willing to let her borrow it.

She was very fortunate with her first car to have had a cousin who was getting rid of a decent car and who was willing to give it to her. Knowing this and the details of the situation I would not be willing to buy her a new car, and would leave it up to her to replace her mode of transportation. I would also not be willing to cart her around everywhere. She is fortunate that she works for her father and can usually get a ride to work with him, but IMO when it came to going out with friends or anything that did not involve work she would be on her own and the problem would be hers to solve.

For the record, she does not need a car at school and did not have one there this past year.

@SuperMouse Then I am with you about the car. Tough luck, no new car from me if I am her parent.

The car has no bearing on the original question though in my mind. @gimmedat originally seemed to be asking about rules like curfew, help around the house, those were my assumptions, the car was listed later.