Game: Would you like to rewrite a child's rhyme to reflect adult issues?

Here’s mine:

I am Sam.
Sam I am.
Do you like diazepam?

I do, I like diazepam.

And I will take it out of stress
And I will take when head’s a mess

And I will take it when I fear
And I will take it with a beer.

And I will take it here or there
Hell, I will take it anywhere!

I do so like diazepam
I do, I like it, Sam I Am.

Mary had Diazepam
She’d eat it, rain or snow
And everywhere that Mary went
Diazpam would go

She swallowed one at school one day
That was against the rule
But oh her muscles felt so nice
Diazepam at school!

And so the teacher dumped it out
But still it lingered near
For Mary had another route
To make the pills appear

Why does Diazepam love Mary so?
The haters all would cry
Why, Mary loves it more, you know
The lovers would reply

Ok, so I couldn’t think of another adult issue… lets try again..

Jack and Jill went to the mill
to get a production job

bah.. forget it… lol

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick

Jack bolted when he saw
The pregnancy stick

Hey diddle diddle the cat with a fiddle
The cow jumped up on her moon
The little dog laughed to see water sports
And the dish had his way with a zune.

This little piggy has wi-fi
So this little piggy stays home

This little pig joins a chat room
Cuz this little pig wants a ‘ho

And this little pig says Weeee wee weee weee wee
Tits, or GTFO

Peter, Peter: abusive cheater.
His wife had him arrested when he beat her.
They put him in a jail house cell,
And his life became a living hell.

“Jack,” said Jill,
“I take the pill,
So I think that you ought to,
Come lay yourself down,
Wrap your limbs all around,
And we will live happily ever after.”

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Collecting her shell-shocked wits

There dropped from a glider
A smart-bomb beside her

Which frightened Miss Muffet to bits

A ring around your anus
A pocketful of condoms
A tissue, a tissue
Oh dear it seems to have torn…...