If a friend or spouse betrays their mate or friend by stabbing them in the back, were they ever genuine from the start?

They could have been but got selfish somewhere along the way. The problem lies in trust after a betrayal. Friends and loved ones often feel compromised and used, the line between what was genuine and what was a cover for the offense becomes blurred by disappointment, retrospect, and bitterness.

People change. Maybe once they were loyal. Then something happened. It happens. The only way around it is to sign a contract.

Of course you can be a genuine friend, and then circumstances change, and you end up betraying your friend. You surely don’t want to, but the feelings for your friends woman are too strong, and she returns them, and then you have the choice of betraying yourself or betraying your friend. Very few people, I think, will sacrifice themselves. Those who do sacrifice themselves probably end up regretting it.

The problem is how to tell your friend that his relationship is over. You can’t do it. There’s no good way to do it. So you hide it until you get found out and then it is a betrayal and it all ends badly. It’s a tragedy. There’s no way around it. Sacrificing yourself may seem like the right and noble thing to do, but it isn’t. Not in the long run. But no one can ever see that when they are in the middle of it, so there is nothing except betrayal where no one wanted it.

C’est la vie.

It depends.

Sometimes people can be mostly good, but then they are tempted or they fall in love.

Mostly, though, I think the seeds of betrayal are there from the beginning.

No.

It would be impossible for me to commit an act of betrayal.

If the people in question were actually open & honest, they’d have explained their developing feelings prior to acting upon said feelings.

@SpatzieLover It would be impossible for me to commit an act of betrayal. I guess I am with you in the minority. I have been in spots like that, either liking the wife or G/F of a friend, and not a close friend either, or having the spouse of a friend make advances at me, and I would never be “that man”. No matter how douche bag I thought he was, or how alluring she was, I could not see myself stepping out of my lane to be “that man”. I never want to start a relationship like that, it can only lead to strain that will cause it to implode and it will be over anyhow.

I’m piggy backing on @SpatzieLover and @Hypocrisy_Central I’d exit long before I crossed the line of betrayal. Not my style, I value my own integrity too much. I’m almost a compulsive truth teller, I’d spontaneously combust within about 48 hours if I was harboring some major betrayal. Gah…..I can’t even stand thinking about it, automatic guilt. lol

This is what blew me away in my marriage, how the HELL does someone walk in the door and pat you on the ass and say ” dinner smells great baby, I missed you today” within hours of cheating on you. Only sociopaths can pull this shit off. Tremor.

Life is complicated.
People are complicated.

That’s why I hate those chick flicks where A realizes that they’re meant to be with C and not B. In the movies, B is always conveniently a douche or a bitch. There’s rarely any remorse over trampling over B.

In real life, chances are B is a nice guy/girl. They’re just not meant to be with A. And A is the one that feels like a douche or a bitch.

@SpatzieLover Avoiding a betrayal is about more than just full disclosure. Emotions are messy. And people’s definition of betrayal varies greatly.

@SpatzieLover and of course, having explained their developing feelings as they happened (which is impossible for most people, since it takes people a while to become aware of what they are feeling), they would immediately stop those feelings before they went anywhere.

As a result, the original two people would stay together in a less than optimal relationship, and the so-called betrayers would never betray, thus forfeiting significant happiness. The world is much worse off than had they nurtured the feelings that led to the betrayal in secret. Not only are the betrayers worse off, but the betrayed is also worse off.

Betrayal hurts, but it hurts less than the long term pain that follows when there is no betrayal. The only problem is, no one knows they are worse off than they could have been.

People tend to focus on the the sharp pain of betrayal, and make a big fuss about that. In doing that, they fail to notice the ways the betrayal benefits them. Betrayal is necessary, I think, but it is really hard to see how it is good for you. Most people don’t even try to look at it that way.

@wundayatta Betrayal hurts, but it hurts less than the long term pain that follows when there is no betrayal. The only problem is, no one knows they are worse off than they could have been. How could there not be any long-term stain to the betrayal? If “Mel” cheats on “Larry” with his g/f of 8 years and carries on a secret love affair that goes on for 2 years then it all is exposed and the relationship implodes, how does Larry and his former good friend’s gal “Liz” live happily ever after? She might be expecting more of Larry after they are officially together because she did give up a long-term relationship and all that time vested. Unless Mel was such a prick she felt trapped and was so glad to get away, she could not wait. What if Mel was a prick, maybe Larry would be expecting more from Liz because he felt she should be very grateful that HE(Larry), rescued her from this this prick, Mel. There is always some stain or strain in the new relationship after it is flushed into the light. If there are children involved or the same work location, or shared friends is always get messy, to what degree, that is unknown until it happens.

Well…..it is true that betrayal has a silver lining, It wakes us up and shakes us up and when the smoke fades we are usually much stronger and resilient than we were before. Rose colored glasses are replaced with night vision infrared. lol

I’d have to agree with what @Nimis wrote. People don’t have to be bad in order to be “not right” for each other. How people choose to end and exit a relationship in order to pursue a different avenue is where drama is. You don’t have to treat someone like crap in order to tell them you want out. I think some people believe it’s going to be easier going if they can find argumentative faults with each other, points to demonize or provoke.