Is it rude to ask someone's age?

Why is it important to you to know another person’s age. If you are concerned they may not be old enough to make certain choices, then that is legitimate to protect them and you from serious problems.

If they are clearly adults, then their age is something they will share as you get to know them. Focusing unnecessarily on age leads us to make false assumptions about them.

I think people may get offended if you ask how old they are. I know people I am “work friends” with do not often discuss age. Some do, some don’t – no hard and fast rule. If someone offers it, fine, but it’s not something I would ask.

It’s rude in that it’s none of your business unless the other person makes it so. It’s a personal question. Why do you want to know? What difference does it make to you? Today’s society has nothing to do with it. Personal questions are rude and intrusive no matter what society one lives in.

Some people can’t accept the simple fact that they age, so it’s not appropriate to ask.

It is rude to ask anyone’s age who looks north of 18. It is OK to ask children and teens. It is not OK to ask adults.

Some people can be sensitive about their age.

Yes.
Age is a specific question that falls under the sensitive topic category of social discussion.
It is also against the law to ask someones age when hiring them for a job.

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just a number.

Most men don’t give a $h**.

I would never ask a woman… and if the subject is even broached, I make an intentionally horrible guess that’s about 10 years younger than what she actually looks just to be safe.

I never understood why, but yes, it’s considered rude.

Not as rude as chopping their heads off & counting the rings, lot less messy too.

I don’t ask, but I don’t mind being asked. I think it’s silly to be hung up on this sort of thing. I mean, jeez…ones age is a fact and I don’t see it as being an issue. Of course I’m a very open person and am not easily offended. I really see this as an issue of vanity.

I am 52 now and I LOVE being my age, no fear of aging, no neurotic need to conceal my reality. lol

VERY!

Depends on the person you are asking, really. Just like most things in life. Some people get really ass-pained about it for a number of reasons while others just don’t care. I’m willing to bet it’s more the younger crowd that fits into the latter of those two categories.

Either way, traditional etiquette dictates that it’s rude, especially when directed at women, if that means anything to you. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was 4 or 5 years old and I asked a woman how old she was. She proceeded to give me the sternest, most terrifying hawk-like glare I have ever seen and said “one does not ask a lady how old she is. It is rude.” I just smiled and told her I was 5.

A lot of women “of a certain age” get all bent out of shape by this question. I find that in person, I can usually make a reasonable guess, but online, it’s hard to tell. I know women who want to have people believe they are a good twenty years younger than they are. This was bad for me because the person seemed a whole lot wiser than a 30 year old would be. I thought I was going crazy for a while until I was told the true age. Then things made sense.

It’s a kind of social fiction that we allow women to pretend they are ten years younger than they are. Everyone nods and winks. We know this isn’t the case, but that we are pandering to them by pretending it is the case. So by all means pander. It makes the women happy. Everyone knows we are all being silly. And just bide your time. At some point it will become clear that the woman is old enough to know better, and you add that to the story.

They call it being mysterious and they believe that if men know their real age, they will no longer be interested in them. Men, apparently, only want to talk to girls of good child bearing years or something. Lots of condescension underlying these assumptions on both sides. I don’t know why a woman would care for a man who, if he knew her real age, would drop her in a New York minute. But society is strange and people do perverse things.

I’m happy for you to know my age unless you ask me directly. If you ask me directly, I won’t tell you, but if you don’t ask me, it’ll come up in conversation and I won’t think twice about sharing that information. I think maybe it’s a control issue. I don’t want you to know anything you might use against me, although I don’t know how you could hurt me with my age. But just to be safe, I won’t tell you. Unless I do.

I just turned 33 today, and I’m damn proud of it. I don’t think it’s rude to ask, depending on how you ask.

I will offer it in conversation, as I did yesterday when some man at work told me his wife is expecting a baby in a week, and she’s 43. I told him how my daughter was born at 41 and she’s now turning 5 and I’m 46, and we had a discussion about babies and “older mothers.” However, if he asked me how old I was just out of the blue, I would have found it offensive.

It never bothered me for someone to ask. I love their reactions when they have pre-conceived ideas about my age.

Happy Birthday @WillWorkForChocolate! :-)

Yeah, happy birthday to you, @WillWorkForChocolate !

I don’t think age should matter that much in some matters. Of course there are matters, where it should matter. But whether I like to admit it or not, I am very curious about other people and that also includes their age.

@eiram: I am curious about many things about people, but that does not make it appropriate to ask these questions, however.

@jca Indeed it doesn’t. There’s so much we don’t ask each other. I wonder how society would be if all these things were appropriate to ask.

@eiram: Would you expect to be able to ask anybody anything you feel like?

@jca Do you mean now or if everything was appropriate?

@eiram: I mean is that what you would like? We just say whatever we want?

@jca No, not at all. Not what I would like. I don’t think honesty goes all the way. Honesty can hurt other people very much and that’s never good. I was simply wondering, like we all wonder about all kind of stuff. Maybe we wonder how a certain person looks naked, doesn’t necessarily mean we want to see that person naked.

I constantly have people asking me my age, because they usually think that I’m much younger than I really am. I can’t say that I get offended by this personally, especially since most people still think that I’m in my early to mid-twenties yet, when I’m really close to turning forty.

I actually find it more offensive when people ask if I’m married, attached, have kids or similar stuff. I usually find that people tend to be judgmental if you don’t answer those types of questions in an ‘acceptable’ way. Also, those types of questions tend to branch out into many other uncomfortable questions, unlike the age question.

Why in the world would you want to know?

Happy Birthday Chocolate. Party like crazy with the family.

@WillWorkForChocolate HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY @WillWorkForChocolate

It is considered rude. Also, I would never guess someone’s age even if they tell me to, or tell someone to guess mine – too much opportunity to hear something you don’t want to. I don’t want to have someone tell me they think I am 10 years older than I am.

Happy Birthday @WillWorkForChocolate

I find that people act differently towards me if they learn how old I am, so I’d rather not divulge the actual number. I’m as old as I look and act, whatever that perception is.

If you ignore the outside appearance, inside I am stuck at 16.

<—Seventeen.
I don’t think it’s rude.

I’m with @Facade. I never really understood why this is considered rude, as long as it isn’t asked in a rude way. But, yeah, it is considered rude. <shrugs>

I don’t think it’s rude.

I think it’s a classic example of holding onto traditionalist beliefs just because, without really employing individual thinking and asking oneself WHY is this considered to be a socially unacceptable inquiry? We don’t have any problem telling our childrens ages, the model year of our cars, what year our homes were built in, proudly offering up how many years we’ve been married or in a relationship.

Just so petty and archaic IMO.

If you are offended by it, maybe you need to explore your insecurities. There is no reason for that to be a private thing.

@FluffyChicken How old are you? I used to feel the same way. I don’t any more.

@Dutchess_III: I was thinking the same thing in response to @FluffyChicken. When you’re young, like under 30 maybe, it’s one thing. When you get in your 40’s and over, it’s kind of frowned upon, unless someone offers it.

I am PROUD of my age. Infact I think it’s fun to increase it by a couple of decades. ” Ooh yes, ‘I’m 72, look pretty good for 72 huh? ” lol

I’ll be 45 in August, and I still don’t have any problem with telling my age. I doubt I ever will.

I will openly tell anyone my age who asks. I figure, I look the same no matter what the number is, right? But I think it can be rude. I think some people engage in ageism which is a way of sizing someone up based on their age. I hate to be stereotyped and pigeon-holed. So the question I have for the questioner is, why do you want to know?

Honestly, I think society made it a rude thing to ask, but it seems ridiculous to me. I don’t see how in the world that is offensive, you are what you are whether it’s 16 or 72. Be proud of it! So I really don’t think it is rude.

I teach with a coworker who was 29 at the time this happened. There were several students in the class, ages 18 to about 24. For some reason, I don’t know what prompted it, my co-worker suddenly asked how old I was. The whole class went suddenly silent, watching me expectantly. I said, “51.” For some reason everyone burst out laughing. I was embarrassed by that. Then someone said, “It’s rude to ask a woman her age, isn’t it!”
I said, “It’s rude to ask anyone their age.”
My co-worker suddenly realized that she’d set something up somehow, and she was flustered.

I don’t know why that happened. I wasn’t even in on the beginning conversation.

@Earthgirl I don’t know. Can one always explain one’s reasons for curiosity? I would like to be an open person, so I would also like to be open about age and not let it be any factor. I don’t think it is very much, but well there is a difference in whether I speak to a 13-year old or a 65-year-old person, I must admit.

@eiram Glad you’re still here. There is a burning question here as to what reason you would even have to ask someone their age?

The only valid reason that I can think of right now is to make sure the girl or guy isn’t too young (or old) for you to date.

@Dutchess_III I was really just curious about what people thought about this matter. And yes, I am sometimes curious about people’s age. Please read my former answer.

@eiram: In response to your answer about being an open person, you an always be an open person giving up your own information, if you so choose, without expecting the other person to do the same in return. If it makes the person uncomfortable, why do it, no matter what you think is right or wrong? If you don’t need the info, but want to discuss your own age in conversation, then feel free.

@Coloma You gotta brainwash those women young. Who else is going to give all their money to the accessory market, lol. It’s sad….. :(

@jca Oh, I never like to make other people feel uncomfortable! I am willing to compromise a lot to avoid that, sometimes even too much. But of course we all make other people feel uncomfortable sometimes, that’s just life.

I suppose it could be considered rude if you want to use the information to discount what they say, as in “They are too young to know better” or “They are so old their opinion is irrelevant”.

@eiram: Sure, so if you know that asking someone’s age just might make them uncomfortable, it’s best not to take your chances. I see it like asking someone their salary. Who needs to know and why do they need to know it?

@jca If I know it’s going to make them uncomfortable and if it’s not for whatever reason necessary, it is indeed better not to take my chances, yes.

eiram I love curious people! I would hate to discourage someone’s natural curiosity. I see that you don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable by asking and that is admirable too.

It’s funny, once, when I was 22, a guy lied to me about his age. He made himself older than he was because he knew I wouldn’t date him if I knew he was only 17! Talk about robbing the cradle! And yet, we were togerther for 4 years. It makes a lot of sense to want to know someone’s age when you’re really young and considering dating them. Even in other situations it makes sense and it’s natural to want to know. It’s just not something you should ask straight out with some people. It can be a touchy subject in our youth obsessed society. After you know someone a while I think it’s fine. Maybe the rudeness is more in the way someone would ask and any perceived reasons for asking. Does that make sense to you?

@Earthgirl It does make sense, yes. And it was a great answer, too.