It is your turn to hold the baby and immediately she/he starts to cry. All eyes are on you. What will be your response?

Hey little bastard. Shut your yap. I’m good with kids.

You just rock and croon, rock and croon….

Here Mary, why don’t you take him/her. I’m afraid I might break him/her. With a sweet smile.

I’m one of those people who don’t ever want to hold the baby. It makes me nervous and uncomfortable and I’ve had plenty of newborns pull my hair so hard, I wanted to cry.

On the other hand, if you have a dog or a cat, I’ll be the first person scratching behind their ears or rubbing their tummy : )

If the baby doesn’t stop crying after adjusting his position a couple time, I give him back to his mom or dad.

No reason to speculate. Babies NEVER cry when I hold them.

“Just like the old days when my kids were infants.”

I would jiggle the baby gently while walking around saying soothing things. If it continued, I would give it back.

Immediately give it back to the parent. I’m afraid it might spew something on me.

I look at the person who handed me the baby and say to the babe, “Did they pinch you? Poor thing. It’s okay now,” and as @janbb said, I rock and croon, rock and croon, shush little baby, rock and croon

@chyna They spew. It washes off.

“Toughen up ya wee prick!”

it happens all the time – I’m a grandpa.

You rock the baby and sing to him or her. Depending on the specific age (one day versus one month) it will be more or less effective.

If the baby is just a day or two old, there’s nothing to spew…

I’d say, “Babies don’t like me, so I hereby permanently excuse myself from all future baby-holding activities.” ;-)

If the parents split while I’m holding the baby, I’d assume were trying to unload the kid on me, so I’d the child back in its container and take off.

Actually, I held our niece’s baby recently and she didn’t cry, but she did seem rather inert.

Toss and find another?

My newest nephew only cries if he’s hungry. Nothing else. Give him food.

Relevant

I’d jiggle a few times, laugh and as I turned to pass it off to someone else, I’d say, “next”.

I did my babies. I did good. I’m not touching any more babies that I’m not related to, and maybe not even them. I guess I’m selfish. But I do not get enjoyment out of holding babies.

I do get enjoyment out of playing with and teaching kids, though. I love it when they get old enough to think.

I share @Kardamom‘s and @wundayatta‘s sentiments.

My friends know not to ask me to hold their baby. It scares the daylights out of me, especially if the child is not able to hold its head up on it’s own.

Once they are able to sit up on their own, feel free to hand them over. If the child starts to cry, and there is a group of people there, the response would be, “My turn has ended. Who’s next?”

“Can someone fetch the chloroform from my bag?”

Or I get startled and drop the baby.

@rebbel, you ask the best questions. So visual, fun and relaxing.

It won’t come up, I don’t hold babies or kids that don’t want their picture taken with Santa.

I don’t understand why some people with children that are obviously scared of Santa insist on having pictures taken with the kid fighting to get away or bawling their eyes out.

I hate it when people shove babies in my arms with the assumption that I’m just dying to hold them.

Aww, come on @Dutchess_III. You don’t like to hold babies? I’ll even ask strangers if I can hold their babies – under the right circumstances of course. Nothing sweeter in the world than the feel and smell of a newborn baby. As crazy as it sounds, I even love the sound of a crying newborn. It always make me smile for some crazy reason.

Yes, @bkcunningham. I like to hold babies….IF I want to hold them. I don’t have some trigger that says, “Gotta hold that baby!” whenever I see one, though.

Drop back ten and punt.

“Isn’t it funny how dogs and babies can sense evil?”

I absolutely adore babies!! When a baby cries I have to sooth them. I’m the one that swoops in and takes them from the ones that are wanting to pass them off. I’d first make sure they are dry and fed. Then I’d walk with them and talk softly to them. Sway, sing, do whatever it took to calm them. I believe binkies really help babies relax and should they have one if they will take it (just for bed and nap and only until they are 1 year old, then they should be tossed out).

Look back at everyone and go, well what the fuck d’you expect, yall?

I take the baby to a quieter place and sing to him. Sometimes big family gatherings can be overwhelming to little ones.

“Oh is it my turn to open the wrapping? I didn’t hear the music stop!”

“I told you not to hand it to me.”

“Uhhhhh….Can someone help me out here?”

Pssst. Toes, dude. Hold it by the toes!

Immediately pass the baby back to the mother. Actually this wouldn’t happen – I wouldn’t be holding the baby in the first place.

Thanks guys!
For those that indeed make babies cry, have this video!