Why has he changed?
I have been talking to a college friend for about 2 months, now. When we first began talking, he expressed how he has always liked me. He said I was his college crush. We have both graduated and are working good professional jobs. We live roughly 2.5 hours apart. We are both 23 years old. He and I were talking daily for about 3 weeks and it began to slow down, suddenly after that. I really like him, and I thought it was so nice that he was as interested in me just as much I was in him. The only strange thing that happened was, about a week into talking, he said, ‘can we fast forward to the part where you’re my woman?” I gently declined telling him that we needed to at least see each other again and spend a little time together before that happened. I visited him one weekend, because it was on the way to me going to visit my parents. We had a really nice time and it just made our feelings for eachother grow even more. About a week later, I told him that I thought that becoming a couple was a good idea. Surprisingly, he said “After one visit?!?!?”. He told me that he took relationships seriously and he wanted us to take our time. This confused me because it contradicted what he had just said a week earlier. I brushed it off thinking that it must have just been a joke when he wanted to “fast forward”.
I’m so confused and things are getting pretty awkward, now. I don’t feel close enough to him to have a heart to heart about it, but I’d like to know what has slowed things down and made it seem like he is suddenly uninterested. Can anyone tell me something I might be missing?
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7 Answers
I am not sure you have provided enough information for me to offer any insight. Let me just throw some questions back for your consideration (in private, no need to post). When you visited, did you sleep together? If not, was there a conversation about the activity and the desire to participate/not participate in the activity? During the visit, did you share information with him about your desire regarding how relationships should progress (e.g., slowly)? Might you have said something or done something during the visit to change his thoughts about you as possible dating material? Did you discuss the challenge of being 2.5 hours apart or your desire to stay where you are or anything that might have disagreed with his internal (either voiced or not) desire for himself (doesn’t want to move—but thinks you should be the one to move), etc.
Like I said, there are so many variables and I lack information. His desire to go slow and his stated seriousness doesn’t mean he is giving up either, he may mean exactly what he said.
It isn’t really possible for us to know. Maybe he found someone local. He is the only person that knows.
I have a few years on you and let me tell you life gets a lot better once you start opening up and asking things directly. Trying to figure out what people are thinking usually leads to you being wrong and doing something stupid.
Tell him a friend at work was talking about her relationship and then someone asked you about your relationship. Tell him that you didn’t know how to answer. Does he consider you two in a relationship or just internet buddies?
As @Pandora suggested, he’s the only one who can help you with this question.
What is your intuition telling you? From the way you’ve described it, it sounds bad, but you can’t tell these things for sure. People blow hot and cold. Weird stuff happens in life that you may not know about. It’s worth talking to him to try to sort it out.
@Pandora we have been having phone conversations. Then, we were actually pretty good friends in college, but the bothe of us were in relationships when we were just friends. Also, He was with his last girlfriend for over 2 years. I don’t expect us to be exactly like they were, but I know that he has a good rewputation with women based on what I know of him. Even before the last girl.
Riddle me this, why is this so hard? Wouldn’t it be better to wait for a bloke that is so head over heels that it can’t be mistaken? It will happen, you are young.
When I half ass things like he is it means I want to fuck and hopefully never see you again. Hopefully he is a better person than I am. It sounds like he isn’t.
You aren’t missing anything. He’s not as interested as he once was. Maybe he’s bored and thinks he rather have a local girlfriend. There’s no way to know without talking to him. Do that.
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