What do I tell my 5 year old grandson? (see details)

Have you addressed this health hazard with his parents?

In the county I work in, if we came upon such a house, it would definitely warrant a call to the State Central Registry (CPS report).

@jca I live in daily fear of that. They are aware of it, and seemingly in denial.

@YARNLADY: What do the parents say? They disagree? They don’t see it as an issue?

Its never wise to needlessly involve children in adult situations over which they have no control, especially at this young an age. It really wouldn’t serve any useful purpose and if you were to tell him the real reason, it would needlessly shame him for something that isn’t his fault.

Soon enough he will grow up, go to other kids houses and realize that they done

Sorry for the interruption. The keyboard suddenly vanished and refused to come back up until I switched browsers and started another post. The whole Android OS has been crazy since the ICS upgrade.

Anyhow, its just a matter of time before he will realize why for himself when he realizes that other people don’t live like this.

If you hope to have any effect on his parents, particularly Mom, maybe you could get a copy of a recent ABC program about the children of hoarders and how this has impacted their lives. It was heartbreaking to hear them speak about never inviting friends over to their house, etc.

If there is any empathy or compassion left in either parent, maybe they will be motivated to change for the sake of the child, if nothing else.

Even tho not telling him the brutal truth about why you don’t come in with him, just be sure that you make it crystal clear each time he asks that it has absolutely nothing to do with him or his fault. in any way. Kids have an uncanny way of. (illogically) blaming themselves for the crap n their parents lives. This happens with kids of divorce all the time. They think somehow its because of them.

Whatever excuse you’ve been making, just lovingly reassure him that its not his fault and emphasize how much you love it when he comes to visit with you even tho you. don’t have the tice to come in his house with him when you drive him back. Hopefully, in time, he will just accept that as the way it is until he is old enough. to where the real reason becomes obvious. When that day comes, I think hell be grateful to you for the kindness.

Im usually the type who feels that being honest with kids about difficult subjects (death, addiction, etc. ) in this case I think it just burdens him unnecessarily for no useful purpose.

Is he the child of your son or daughter? Could you get your adult child aside and ask him or her about this issue, or is it a hot potato?

Perhaps print out this article and quietly ask them if they’re crossing their fingers hoping he doesn’t land in that unfortunate 50% or how do they plan to prevent that. Also include a link to the full video on the ABC website. It should be difficult for them to watch it without tears in their eyes.

Its unlikely they’ll change to please you, but there is a small chance they may do it for his sake. But at least they will be doing it with the full knowledge of the likely consequences.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/03/10/nearly-half-of-children-of-hoarders-fight-guilt-depression/

Also, when hes older, evidently there is a website for the children of hoarders. Maybe you can steer him toward it and he may not feel so isolated knowing that others are going through the same thing he is.

childrenofhoarders.proboards.com

(Just a quick thought: I wonder if some of tem, many now adults, might have some helpful advice for you on what, if anything, would be helpful for a child so young. After all, they’ve all been through it. )

@Buttonstc Thank you.
@jca The parents are ashamed of the mess, but my son has been unemployed for over a year through no fault of his own, and both of them have depression. The wife takes some form of medication for her depression.

My son has hinted that she has a form of bi-polar disorder. She once threatened me that if I tried to intervene, she would take the kids and I would never see them again. When I told my son about it, she denied she ever said it and claimed I was trying to make trouble.

He has chosen a very difficult life, with her, her mother, and her grandmother all living with them in a house we bought to get them out of our house.

My son has also told me that he would be willing to put his boys in school where I live, and they could stay with me for the weekdays, which I did with my other (now adult) grandsons, at some later date, but I doubt she would go along with it.

The 5 year old is currently attending pre-school under the Head Start program.

I like the idea of telling him I simply don’t have time right now, I have to get home to feed the dog or some such thing.

Very sad story. If you did report them to child welfare, they might figure it out and then limit your access to the child. Tough all around, with their family situation, their mental health issues, and the child suffering, even though he doesn’t realize it.

Do his parents know they could lose their children; the state will not tolerate children existing in filth and putrefaction if they know about it. That kind of disregard for the well-being of one’s own child is disgusting to me. I’m sorry that this is your family but perhaps your grandchild needs to be rescued.

I don’t know what I would say to my grandchild under this circumstance. This is a rare case where I don’t think I could be completely candid with him or her though.

If you address it now, or convince the parents to address it, you’ll actually be doing them a favor, because chances are when he starts school, someone somehow will find out about the issue and notify the authorities. Then it will be trouble for them all.

I wouldn’t tell your grandson the truth. If it is so bad that you feel you can’t put up with the mess for your grandson’s sake then make something up like “I don’t have time to come in at the moment”. Maybe they need a stronger wake up call and a warning from social services may not be a bad thing in the long term.