What is the proper protocol for acknowledging (or not acknowledging) an ex-SO's birthday?

I think if it’s an ex, you have no obligation and it’s actually better not to keep ties with the person unless, in some rare cases, you’re just friends now and have truly moved on otherwise.

It depends. Are you still friends? Was it an easy, good breakup? Do you want to acknowledge the birthday? There really is no protocol. It is totally up to you.

Why do you feel guilt? It is probably the most unproductive emotion around. And why label yourself “bitchy” if you don’t?

You haven’t forgotten so why lie about that?

What is your relationship now? What is driving you to be so nicey-nicey?

PS. I see that you are majoring in psychology. Remember what Plato said about the unexamined life. Examine your motives and needs.

If it’s an ex I’m on good terms with, I acknowledge it (through Facebook, usually). If not, I wouldn’t worry a bit about it. I don’t think there’s any protocol involved, just your own feelings about the person.

Hm… it’s a relatively recent (less than a year ago) break up. My tendency is to be nicey-nicey but it’s not at all necessary. It might just be nicer of me, in this circumstance to avoid the topic. and the guilt… well, I was raised Catholic, I still have a lot of guilt in me I suppose (lol)

Are you doing it to keep in contact, to make him/her think about you? What is your motive?

@chyna To be polite, mostly. To show that I’m the bigger better person post-relationship? I’m not sure of my motive, which is why I will probably not say anything… probably

Aha, “I’m not sure of motive” is an interesting place to start. Do some detective work on your psyche, and let us know.

@ohmyword: To me, in the example you’re giving, it seems like a waste of time and energy. I agree with @gailcalled: examine your motives and your feelings and try to get a better understanding of why you feel the way you do.

@jca: Is adult guilt a common aftermath of having been raised a Catholic? It seems to be a recurring theme in many novels.

I was trying to keep this vague and learn more about other people’s responses to their own hypothetical situations… but ok

@gailcalled: Yes. I am not Catholic but a lot of Catholics I know talk about feeling guilty for a lot.

@ohmyword: For me, my hypothetical response would be I wouldn’t choose to acknowledge an ex’s birthday.

I would ignore it and go about my day without feeling a bit guilty. I don’t keep in touch with exes in general though, so there wouldn’t be a reason for me to acknowledge their birthday.

I vote ignore. Why try to keep in contact? Move on.

It’s understandable how you feel, and there are probably many others who have wondered the same thing.

It sounds as if you have already thought this through and considered the pros and cons from your ex’s perspective as well as yours. If there is any reason to think that the ex might consider a birthday wish from you as either a slight or a sign of hope (albeit false), then for the ex’s sake, it is better not to do anything at all. If the break-up was amicable, then surely the ex knows you well enough to read this as one more kind act that you normally do based upon your personality.

If there are children involved, encourage them to make or purchase cards or presents for the other parent and consider that your contribution.

Yep, psychology 101….don’t live in the past.
Your ego is already seeking to be seen as the “bigger person” sooo….rather duplicitous intentions methinks. Sounds like you’re looking for egoic brownie points rather than a genuine wish to offer up a birthday salutation.

You might be concerned that any observance at all will confuse them into wanting to chat you up ,and so on,and so on.