How would my fiance and I arrange to use my grandmother's engagement ring?

I think the best thing to do is talk to your parents before you declare it your engagement ring. Perhaps your fiance could put some money toward a house for the two of you or some other symbolic “bride gift.” He could buy the wedding bands or have one made that would match your grandmother’s ring. Think about these options and then talk to your parents.

I think it is lovely that you want to wear your grandmother’s ring, but it does kind of miss the significance of the engagement ring.

It’s lovely, and I think it would be perfect as an engagement ring. It belongs to you, and as long as your fiance is in agreement with this choice, no one else’s opinion should matter. If you were my sister or daughter, I wouldn’t bat an eye about this choice. If anything, I’d think it was wonderfully romantic that you two have placed this symbolic title on a family heirloom.

When I asked this question on behalf of a friend of mine who wanted to use his ailing grandmothers ring to propose to his g/f…. I was railed against and he was basically called a cheapskate SOB.

Interested to see how this pans out.

I would pretend you know nothing about the customs you think you know, and do the simplest thing. Have your fiance get it amended so it fits your finger and perhaps change it a little, and then give it to you. All these rules and customs are pure nonsense. Your relationship is about you two, not the rest of the world.

My mother gave me her engagement ring. We took the diamond out and put it in a new setting we had designed for us. We have matching rings that move in three dimensions, not just the two that most rings move in. Then we took the old ring, and had an opal put in it and gave it back to my Mom as a token of appreciation. She’s not a big jewelry wearer, but it was still a pretty stone.

My wife is very proud of her rings that nestle together and actually help hold each other in place on her finger. I didn’t have to spend on a diamond, but that doesn’t mean anything to me or her. Our relationship is about us, not about stones, which are an arcane form of a bank account. You give the woman a diamond so she has some wealth in case you ever take off. She can sell the diamond to live on for a while.

I thought it was traditional to use family rings, if they are available and you like them. You can tell people proudly that it’s a family ring.

Oh my god, use it! It’s beautiful and it’s meaningful and you can have an engagement ceremony for whoever you think cares most for that kind of thing and just start wearing it as an engagement ring.

I think you should just go for it! It’s beautiful and the sentimental value of that ring will not match up to any engagement ring your fiance could buy. I completely understand why you want to use it (besides the fact that it’s gorgeous) and I think your families will understand as well. If you really think it will come off as cheap or convenient, perhaps your fiance can have the ring engraved on the inside or something along those lines to really personalize it for you.

@tedd As I recall, the issue in your friend’s case was that the ailing grandmother had not offered your friend the ring. It would declasse to ask for it.

@marinelife The OP in this post wasn’t given it by the grandmother either, but rather the circumstantial receiver of it. And my friends goal was to find the most non-offensive way to ask or inquire about using his grandmothers ring, given that asking her directly was basically out of the question (given her level of dementia)... yet merely asking the question was enough to get he (and I) lambasted.

Don’t overthink! It’s a beautiful looking ring and it has meaning for you so why not? I 2nd asking your parents if they’re on board with it becoming your official engagement ring and I’d also make sure your fiancee is secure with it too. If your fiancee wants to something more groom traditional then let him spend what he would have on an engagement and wedding set towards some heirloom quality diamond or pearl earrings if they’re something you’d wear.

As long as your fiance and your parents have no objection, just go ahead and use it. It’s beautiful, meaningful, and perfect. If you want to have the experience of your fiance presenting you with the ring during an actual proposal, have him hold on to it for now, and tell him to surprise you with it at some point in the near future.

Ask you parents if they’d be in support of you having the inside of ring band engraved to personalize it for you and your husband? I like @augustlan‘s idea of your fiancee proposing with it, maybe after taking it to a jeweler to have it cleaned and the stone settings inspected for stone security.

@tedd The difference is that in this case the asker has been given the ring. The asker owns the ring.

In the case of your friend the ring had not been offered to him. It seemed to be taking advantage of his grandmother to ask her.

I simply asked my parents if I could have my mom’s ring. My mom just handed it to me. My dad said, “Good to see the thing’ll be put to good use.”

@wildpotato I would just ask. Tell your parents you’d prefer the sentimental ring vs. a new one.

I also think you’re over thinking it. Your grandmother gave it to your mother, and your mother gave it to you, therefore it is yours. If you haven’t already had it appraised, do so; and get it sized if needed.

I would probably mention it to your mother in a casual way… “Remember the ring you gave me that was my Grandma’s? It means so much to me, we’re having it sized to use as my engagement ring.” Then see what she has to say about whether she suspects anyone would take issue with it – although she should have thought of that before giving it to you in the first place, and no one else has made mention of it since, so I don’t see that anyone could have a valid objection.

@marinelife lol… That’s exactly why he didn’t want to ask her directly, because he thought he’d be taking advantage of her. She was/is clearly to gone mentally to make the conscious decision to give him the ring.. he wouldn’t have felt right even asking because she couldn’t possibly grasp the concept of the question anymore… He wondered what would be the best way to go about inquiring from family or what have you so as not to tread on anyone’s feet.