How should I handle my depression?
I’m a 17 year old female suffering from moderate depression. About 2 weeks ago, I realized that something was wrong with the way I was acting, and the way I felt towards things. It was completely spontaneous. But this has happened before to me, and in my previous cases I thought nothing of it. It’s a lot more difficult this time, I can barely live with it.
I have a relationship with another female, so I am bisexual. And recently about 3 months ago my step father committed suicide. Since I am 17 I cannot make appointments myself. I devised a plan in order to tell my mother, which would be, going to the school psychologist speaking with her, telling her my situation, and having her call my mother recommending me to see a psychiatrist. Which worked flawlessly. My mother is now aware of it, and has been trying to make appointments for me, but none of the doctors are calling back. My relationship with my girlfriend is crumbling down because the depression is covering my feelings for her. She’s been talking to my sisters ex-boyfriend, which has been driving me insane, and isn’t helping my problem. I’m sure talking to someone else who appreciates her, is helping her. But I’m not sure whether or not to stay with her. I care about her a lot, and before the depression I couldn’t go a day without seeing her. I miss how I used to be with her, and I can’t tell if I really do not like her. I feel nothing for her. I get aggravated with her, and never want to see her. The first week of this happening, it was as if she died. I was constantly crying at the thought of her, and couldn’t stand looking at her. I figured my step father dying is tied into that somehow. I’m literally crawling in my skin, and I hope that there is some form of medication that can put me back together. I need some reassuring from the Fluther colony. My mother nor family knows I am bisexual, but my family is aware of my depression. Thank you in advance for your help.
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14 Answers
Relax and take a deep breath. Then do it again. I’m serious.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. A lot of us have been there, including me, and the one thing I’ve learned is that if you can just hold on, things will get better. Keep trying to get in to see a counselor, but in the meantime your mother might want to consider making an appointment with your regular doctor. They can prescribe an anti-depressant, if it seems appropriate, and that might get you over the hump until you can work on the deeper issues that might exist. I wish you the best of luck!
Wow. Lots to deal with.
Your step-father’s suicide.
Breaking up with your lover.
Depression.
Have you been thinking about suicide? If so, have you thought about how to do it? Have you started putting a plan in place? Obviously, I hope not, but I just wanted to check. It is common with depression and if you are in danger, people should know.
Your mother seems to care, and that is good. Hang in there. The doctors will get back to her and you will be seen. If you need to be seen sooner, ask the school psychologist to put in a word for you.
When I was getting depressed, the psychiatrist couldn’t see me for months. My wife talked to a friend of our who is a therapist. She recommended someone who agreed to see me right away. Our friend was very concerned about me when she heard how I’d been behaving. So it was a good thing she helped out. I turned out to be pretty sick.
But you’re doing the right things so far. Good luck.
You can call the Trevor hotline, which is a suicide hotline for LGBT youth. 866–488-7386.
If you have a support system outside of your girlfriend and your family, now is the time to use it. I agree with @augustlan; get on an anti-depressant if you can, at least just for the time being. Eat as healthy as you can, and exercise if you can. Good nutrition and exercise will help a bit in keeping you as stable as possible. You’re already trying to get in to see a counselor, so that’s good, and you’re aware of the need for that.
Not sure what else I/we can suggest/offer, but I will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck.
In addition to the aforementioned suggestions, I would also recommend telling you mother about your bisexuality. I can tell that is causing you angst. Maybe not right away, but it is something to discuss with a therapist and how to go about telling your Mom. Keeping things like that from your family just eats away at you over time. If you think she’ll freak out, realize that Mothers always love their children at the end of the day!
I don’t have anything practically useful to say that hasn’t been said already, but I feel for you and I hope things will turn out better than expected and you’ll feel better soon.
I’m glad at least that you’re looking for treatment; that makes it easier to hope you’ll be okay.
Getting support is a great strategy! Two questions, though: Who made the diagnosis that you suffer from depression? Have you been checked for anxiety disorders?
@mattbrowne has a good point. I’ve been on antidepressants (about 5 different kinds, to no avail) for the last year. It wasn’t until my boyfriend suggested I see how anti-anxiety medications work for me, that I started feeling better. I’d look up symptoms for anxiety disorders, or maybe even PTSD to some degree and see if the symptoms match. If your doctor (or anyone else) tries to pigeon-hole you into the depression category, and you’re feeling that it might be something else, keep trying until someone will listen to you. It’s very tempting for a doctor to prescribe something that treats both depression AND anxiety (ie. Citalopram), but if you only need one without the other, it can leave you feeling up and down and very very confused. I understand how difficult it is to get seen. I’m currently between doctors, due to my health insurance changing, and it is a tough road. They will call. Until then, there are OTC remedies that I’ve heard of. Have not tried them, so research thoroughly, but you may be able to find something you can use before you can get in to the doctor. Don’t feel bad about being impatient. It’s good that you have the drive to feel better – and that’s what doctors are looking for. I hope for a break in the clouds for you. <3
See a psychiatrist. Take medication as instructed. It is important if you want to get well and become a normal person again.
My advice is to just do something that takes your mind off things. I know I like to go to the library and check out a book on a topic I know nothing about, it helps (pick a topic that is far outside of what you know, the more time spent puzzling over it is less time to brood). It A) takes my mind off things and B) you learn new things! I used to be bullied all the time because I was always the different one, I know how badly depression hurts and sometimes all you have to do is talk. So go talk with your friends, family, and loved ones.
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