You need to give up the idea that you can have deep, meaningful wonderful friendships by only talking to people online. I’m not saying that people don’t make friends with people online, I’m just saying that the reality is, that there are tons and tons of detailed nuances about how people actually are that you cannot fully asertain from an online relationship. Many of the pieces of the puzzle will always be missing until you know people in real life. A sentence here and there, with a few emoticons thrown in is not the same thing as actually hearing the tone of a person’s voice, the lilt of their laughter, the look of sadness/love/fear/joy/lust in their eyes, the touch of a warm hand. And you sure as heck can’t read anyone’s body language from words typed on a screen.
Also, you are going to have one heck of a time making and keeping friends if you maintain your introvert status. I used to be shy an introverted and I have also suffered bouts of depression. When I grew up, I realized that I needed to make some changes. One of the things that has really helped me is to actively engage people in a casual and friendly manner (and always try to maintain a sense of humor) even if I didn’t feel like doing it, even if I was tired, or I didn’t know these people (people that I don’t know are strangers fer crying out loud!).
The reason I decided to change the way I interact with people is that one of my best friends is able to make friends wherever she goes. She’s never met a person she wasn’t interested in getting to know including old people, people from out of town, people that barely speak English, people that look a little off and everybody in between. She’s not forceful or pushy, she’s just friendly and nice. Like I said in another thread, she can de-grump the grumpiest grump, and pull the shyest person out of their shell. And she does it with grace and empathy and humor, not with force.
On the other hand, I have another friend (one of the few that has the patience to stick around) suffers from rage and depression, but he won’t admit to the depression. He’s a smart person with a lot of nifty interests in all sorts of things, but sometimes he’s such an energy sucking downer that it’s hard to be around him. When he gets really bad, he mostly rants and complains. He needs to get treatment for his depression, but because he denies that he’s depressed, he doesn’t seek treatment.
Also, to find and make and keep friends, you need to change the way you operate. You have to do things differently from the way you’ve been doing them, you need to be willing to step out of your comfort zone (the computer) and try new ways of meeting and interacting with real people. You might need to do some self assessment, or have someone else (maybe a close, kind relative or a therapist) give you an idea of how you come across in your interactions. Sometimes, even if a person has good intentions, they may come across as mopey, demanding, shy to the point of not being able to communicate in a meaninful way, always expecting other people to pick up the slack (with regards to choosing a movie or a restaurant or an activity) or having a conversation style that mostly uses, yes, no, or I don’t know, but not much more, not having a sense of humor (and I don’t mean being sarcastic or snarky, just pleasant and fun) or being so serious that you can’t enjoy the silly and small things in the world. No one wants to be the only person in a two-person relationship. And no one wants to have a person simply ask them twenty questions all day long, instead of having a back and forth conversation. Nor does anyone really want to have to deal with someone who’s constantly depressed, or tired or unwilling to fix their problems. So put “self-assessment” on your to do list.
And here is the hardest part. You may have to give up some things to get the love and friendship that you desire and deserve. You said that you don’t have time to get together with people and that you are often too tired and that you don’t have time. Those stumbling blocks are going to be major hurdles for you if something doesn’t give way. You’ve probably heard the old saying, “You have to make time for the things that are important in life.” I know, easier said than done, but it’s true.
You may have to give up some of your attitudes that are causing you not to find and keep friends. You may have to give up working such long hours, to make time to find and maintain friendships, you may have to make do with less money, by working less hours, you may have to give up some of your solitude (because you gotta meet people in the flesh, eventually) you may have to give up some of your comfort zone (the computer) and you may have to give up the notion that depression will somehow cure itself, you may have to give up the idea that continuing in your introverted ways is going to magically draw people to you. And you may have to give up the thought that you can’t change, not that change is easy, but sometimes it is necessary, otherwise nothing will ever change.
Also know that you don’t have to have scads of friends, one or two great ones are all anyone really needs, but if you can have more, all the better. Good luck to you, my friend : )