If one of your friends hurt another of your friend's feelings, and they seem clueless that they were hurtful, would you tell them they upset the other person?

If she mad that response, she clearly is not an appreciative person and likely doesn’t care whom she hurts. “Boss” and “friend” are very different things. Your co-worker needs a thicker skin and a backbone to speak up for himself. Also, if one is doing something charitable, they should not have any expectations of receiving recognition or gratitude.

I have learned the hard way to stay out of such things, other than to encourage people to be adults and talk it out directly with the other party.

Truth is sometimes we do not get the credit we are due. This is a small thing and I would let it go.
If your friend is really and truly upset about this, and it isn’t the Drama that seems to infect the contemporary day to day, why not suggest they stick up for themself and mention it.

Is he upset that he wasn’t thanked or that this person was so cavalier about it? It may sound like splitting hairs, but when you think about what that response says about the person who said it, I can understand his feelings.
I can appreciate that he probably didn’t do anything in order to garner thanks. That said, what type of person is so lost to common courtesy as to emphatically deny due thanks? Really? Hell no?
If I were in his shoes, I’d probably be re-assessing my opinion about this person and getting my ducks in a row to get the fuck away. He probably needs time to process and get used to having to change his ideas about his relationship with this person. If someone treated me this way after I had made an effort to forward the company, I’d re evaluate. And I’d certainly think better of future efforts in that direction.

She may have said that in a facetious way. The best course of action is for him to approach her to clear it up. That’s a “win-win” on both sides. He gets to practise problem solving and she gets feedback on her comments and their impact and an opportunity to apologize.

I think the only person you should approach is the injured party to encourage him to try to elucidate what happened.

If that had been me I would have said, “Hell yes!” right behind her to make her jump. But then, I’m a little twisted that way.

I would stay far out of it.

Why didn’t “the someone” simply say “Thank-you”? It’s an odd question.

If the boss is really friendly with all these friends, then the friend in question can say something to her.

He needs to stand up for himself. She needs to gain distance from subordinates and loose the possible jealousy. And everyone needs to stop needing to be thanked for being good and doing kind things for others.

Workplace “friends” are generally not friends but acquaintances. In the workplace, you’re usually better off if you let a lot of that stuff go. I wouldn’t say anything to your boss but I’d encourage your coworker with the hurt feelings to sit this one out unless he thinks he’s truly unappreciated and then that’s between the two of them to sort out.

The injured party needs to ask for a private discussion with the supervisor and let her know how he feels about her comment. Please encourage him to do so, especially since he is venting about the situation to others. It isn’t doing the department any good if he doesn’t go to the source.

No.

If you get involved, it will inflate into a bigger issue. It will become “why are you getting involved in something that doesn’t concern you” and that’s all it will be. The original issue will go away.

1) You should thank your friend and make sure he knows that some people do recognize what he does.
2) Your friend should try to understand that this is not a reflection on him but a reflection on your boss. In the end, he needs to try to get over it – people won’t always appreciate what you do and he puts too much burden on himself to take it to heart each and every time.

I was in a similar situation. I waited until I found myself in a casual conversation about a related topic and then said, “Ahh… Greg did this. That was terrific—he really brings a lot to the team…” etc, then as an afterthought, added “I wonder if he should know how much he brings to the team. I think I’ll give him a compliment.”

My boss ended up saying, “Good job, Greg!” I was taught very young that sometimes it works better to make the other person feel like it was their idea.

I don’t like using this strategy because it makes me feel dishonest, but when I feel someone really needs to be recognized for their work and supported, I find ways to compliment them.

In this particular situation, I would not. Like others, I would encourage your co-worker to talk to the offender himself (if it needs mentioning at all.)

Now, if these were two close friends in my social circle, rather than a workplace issue, I probably would tell the offender that they may have unwittingly hurt the other friend’s feelings.

No. I’m all grown up. This is elementary school stuff.

@MollyMcGuire I disagree that this is elementary school stuff. Not everyone comes out of their childhood well adjusted lol. Sometimes people need a gentle push in one way or another to work out an awkward situation.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to work in a healthy work environment—I just got out of one of the most dysfunctional work environments I’ve ever experienced. It is almost impossible to use healthy problem solving skills with people who naturally and automatically use unhealthy and destructive games instead of constructive problem solving strategies.

Where I used to work, going up to someone like that, maturely, and saying, “Let’s talk,” would get a, “Oh (giggle) I never had a problem, what’s your problem?” type of response. They would then turn around and twist whatever you said into the ugliest context possible. It’s impossible to solve problems in a place full of people using middle school tactics to divide, intimidate and control.

To survive, I developed roundabout ways of helping friends and protecting myself. It was reprehensible to me to not be my normal WYSIWYG self, but if I didn’t do this, my life would have been even more difficult.

So, if a workplace has healthy, mature and/or people who you can reason with—great. If not… it’s not as easy as saying, “I’m above that.”