What kind of review would put you off the most from going to a restaurant?

The health department citing them for multiple deficiencies in an inspection. Our paper was giving the results of the inspections.

They serve crabs.

If I wanted to eat with my mother-in-law, I’d stay home.

Ba boom!

Everything tastes like it was frozen and reheated.

Cleanliness related issues would be a big problem. Or, if something was served undercooked that could be dangerous.

If you mean just in terms of food quality and taste, if multiple people said the food had no flavor or was very greasy.

Filthy restrooms- most people wouldn’t even think to mention restaurants in a review unless they were really awful.

If it includes the word “authentic”. It’s like people who say “I’m not a racist, BUT” and then they go on to make a racist statement. Because claiming to be “authentic” makes you authentic, right guys?

I went into a fairly well known local restaurant, while driving up North. When I got my meal, I immediately recognized it as having come from a frozen Banquet TV dinner. It was painfully obvious.
That was enough for me to never go back there, and order from the dinner menu. I may have a hamburger, but not the turkey dinner I got.

If most reviewers said the service was consistently rude I would probably avoid that place.

I take “bad service” reviews with a grain of salt, though. Some people think bad service is not being handed a glass of cold water in a crystal goblet within 10 seconds of their ass hitting the seat as bad sevice. Or not getting hollandaise sauce or mint chutney with their French Fries (how could a waiter even guess that someone might want that?). My best friend’s boyfriend expects that kind of stuff, and he’s disgusted that the waiter only brought out ketchup. He thinks it is bad service, if a waiter doesn’t anticipate his every f*cked up need.

I, on the other hand can put up with just about anything except blatant rudeness. Most service problems have to do with poor training, or some younger wait staff simply not being aware of social niceties that we used to call common courtesy. You know like using the term no problem instead of certainly Madam, may I get you anything else?. No biggee.

It would worry me if the food didn’t taste good or fresh to the majority of reviewers. Again, I’d have to say that any problems with the food or the service would have to be fairly consistent for me to think there was a big problem. One of our local restaurant reviewers, now retired, had mentioned on multiple occasions that she doesn’t like chicken, but she would still diss chicken dishes at all sorts of restaurants, from barbecue joints to fancy steak houses. So there are plenty of people who don’t like certain things, order them anyway, then complain about those exact things. It would be like going to KFC and ordering some original recipe chicken and then bitching that the chicken was too crispy and didn’t taste like foie gras or bouillabaisse, so therefore it’s terrible.

I am not a foodie so I don’t have pretentious notions about what food should be. I’m more of a food enthusiast and it is a very rare occurence for me to eat at a restaurant and not like the food. I’m not picky either, so I can enjoy a plate full of nachos from Taco Bell as well as an Asian-fusion dish from some fancy pants kind of place.

One bell that would definitely go off in my head is if the reviewers point out that items listed as vegetarian actually contained meat, fish or fowl (which has a sneaky tendency to end up in food as chicken or beef broth, gelatin, lard, fish sauce or bonito flakes.) I ask a lot of questions when I’m in doubt, but I’ve been lied to before. And guess what, I found out by reading restaurant reviews? Thanks Yelp and Urbanspoon : )

If I heard that someone contracted hepatitis, that would kill that restaurant for me. And vermin.

@Michael_Huntington Huh? Are you saying authentic is a secret code word like a realtor saying a house is charming?

Usually 1-star reviews are unwarranted, unless the other reviews are 2-stars and 1-stars. If I see a trend, that turns me off.
Often I’ll look on google places, urbanspoon, etc, and see 3-and-4and-5-star reviews, then there’s that nast nasty 1-star review. If you read into it, they usually say they like the place, but this one time they got bad service, but in their defense, the place was crowded that day. Makes you wonder why it warranted a 1-star review.
Some people can be so unhappy.

Any mention of ‘Cockroaches” in the review.

Cleanliness would be important. I usually ignore food tastes bad or long wait, since that is entirely subjective.

Well @poisonedantidote, If the reviewer got poisoned there and needed a trip to the ER for an antidote or stomach pumping, that would surely weigh against my deciding to eat there.

@6rant6 On the other hand, “They serve crabs.” would be a necessary review if you planed to take the mother-in-law along for dinner out, and wanted her to get served.

Ba da Bing!

Cleanliness, hands down. Health Dept. warnings, closures, censures, sticky floors or tables, food not being prepared on clean surfaces, presence of any insects…

I went to a Waffle House in Georgia where I sat down and saw two flies fornicating on the windowsill with 5 dead flies nearby. I couldn’t eat.

Extremely expensive with only medium marks for food; bomb level noise rating; really bad service = stay home and cook. I can do better than that!

Cleanliness for me, too. Bugs in the food, anything gross.

Cleanliness, multiple reviews of rude service, greasy food (if it’s a fried place. Yes, you CAN make fried food that is not greasy—it’s called, don’t re-use the oil 20 times, and only fry when the oil is HOT enough!).
Few things bug me more than paying for food that I could have made 10 times better myself at home.

A bad review by Gordon Ramsay.

If Andrew Zimmern won’t eat there, I would avoid it.

^^ LOL. You’re right, because he would actually eat the cockroaches!