What did your father say?

If we ever freaked about broken food he’d say, “You should see what it looks like when it hits your stomach”.

When he’d get a haircut and we’d comment on said haircut he’d say, in response to “You got your hair cut” “No, I got them all cut” or “No, I just got my ears lowered”.

He had absolutely nothing to say about any of our lives.

@Hawaii_Jake
Mine used to say the same thing when it came to smoking.
I never smoked, so I never found out if he was serious.

“Eat your salad. It will make your hair curly.” He was wrong, and yet I still hold a bit of hope.

When my sisters and I would come down the wooden stairs for breakfast, he’d sing out, “Clump, clump, clump the girls come marching.” The sharp sound of clicking heels on a hard surface now bothers me, unless it’s in a dance.

Shit or get off the pot

Here was a favorite.
Don’t look for trouble. But don’t be afraid to confront it if it finds you.
Here is another
Hell, a steer can do his best….
Another
Losing is part of competing, so I wouldn’t cry or be pissed off about it. But winning is clearly better.

“What’s that got to do with the price of tea in China?”

“If you’re gonna take the time to do something, do it right.”

This is something I live by. Don’t half-ass it, basically.

MY father was a gloomy gus and told us:

#1: Never trust anyone so get it in writing

#2: An automobile is a dangerous weapon similar to a gun so drive very slowly.

#3: If something bad can happen, it will.

#4: Don’t ever criticize your mother; she is perfect.

Not a laugh-a-minute, growing up in that household.

One day when I was 4 years old my Dad made me take a shower. I was afraid of the shower but he force me in and shut the shower door. I could hear my Mom arguing with my Dad about this. I was crying for a short time but then I started playing in the water and having fun. Then suddenly my Dad grabbed me out of the shower. I never had a problem with water or showers again. Dad died soon after that from leukemia.

Later my Uncle use to tell me to “Pull myself up by my bootstraps”. It sounds crazy but it was helpful to me in that it helped me to realize that I have to work hard to make a success of myself.

1: People are no damned good.
2: The best advice a man can heed is plant no moegarden than the wife can weed.
3: If we beat our swords into plowshares, how much damage would a bomber load of plowshares do?
4: The clutch pedal is not a footrest.

Haha—dad likes to answer questions about how to do something or handle a situation by starting at the beginning of time and moving forward until it’s two hours later. Oh, and determining whether the solution is deductible.

Do as I say, not as I do.
Uhh…after that I never listened to anything he had to say.

I try to translate:

“The one lying below has not automatically lost”

:)

I don’t remember specific things he said, but he was always RIGHT. (in his mind.) As a result, I only ‘talked’ to him through my mother. Certitude is not a good thing when it comes to relationships.

My dad said and still, at 92 years old, says wise things that I suppose molded me. He always told us to never loan anyone money. If you have it to give, let them have it without any expectation of having it repaid. Otherwise, don’t make a loan. I live by that.

He said, if you get hungry enough; you’ll eat anything. True.

When I was 17 and ready to graduate high school, he told me he’d pay every cent for me to go to college. I had a job and told him I didn’t understand the point of going to college since I had a job and I thought I would take a year or so off before going to college. He said if I didn’t quit my job and go ahead to Virginia Tech, where I had been accepted, that he wouldn’t pay a penny toward my education when and if I decided to go. I did it my way and he stood true to his word.

“When you’re ass deep in alligators, don’t forget your job was to drain the swamp”. My dad was a construction engineer.

“When you work for a man, you sell your time. Don’t be a thief. ”

My dad has been nothing but encouraging towards my brother and I. He has used the old cliche “you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it” many, many times.

One thing my dad says a lot that often makes me chuckle is, if something surprises him or he is trying to emphasise something he always says “fucks me” first ie: fucks me that was a good cup of tea! Not sure why he puts an S on the end of fuck, I’ve never heard anyone else do it and he says that a lot!

“Homosexuality is a perversion.”

My dad disowned me 4 times in my life, starting when I was 7. Words aren’t necessary.

“Chance favors the prepared mind,” and “I’ve only had one martini,” are the things I remember.

One time when he was working his ass off out in the yard on a hot summer day, I told him that lunch was ready. He replied, “I’ll be a few more minutes, so put my milk in the oven”.

Another time he told me to put my dirty clothes in the garbage.

He corrected himself both times. ;-)

Talk is cheap but it takes money to buy whiskey.

“Oof.”

I kid you not. He says this on numerous occasions and it is often quite enigmatic.

“Why oof?”

“Just oof.” He’ll say.

My father used to pull out his Texas accent (he was raised in Texas, but worked hard to lose it as he entered a professonal field) and say “I’ll beat ya s’ver’ly ‘bout the head and shoulders.” It always made us laugh even though he was gently telling us we had done something mildly wrong!

“Only a fool argues with a fool.” He was right more times than I can count.

Every time he tried to fix something he would eventually end up yelling or whimpering under his breath: “Nothing is ever easy”
And to his credit, the old man was right. His legacy lives on.

My dad was awesome… he gets more awesome the older I get.

On working construction with him every summer.

“I make you work hard now so you’ll work smart later, don’t do this stuff your whole life…”

and on what time we get off…

“We go home when it’s done”

On my brother

“The whole world is going to try and tear you both down, build each other up.”

On priorities and excuses we got the same line

“If it’s important, you’ll find time”

“Look it up.”

Whenever we wanted to do something stupid and dangerous but fun. My dad would say, I’m not saying you can do it, and if you get caught by your mother, I had nothing to do with it.
In the mean time he would be on the look out.

In his Texas accent, “Now WHY would you…” when you did something stupid. But the “why” came out with a twang. Like “Whh-eye.” Like the first part of the word “Wh(ine),” with the “Whhh” kind of drawn out, most of it coming through his nose from the back of his throat, and the “eye” emphasized. It made you think because you didn’t have an answer for the question. NEVER had an answer for that question. “Now, Valre Lynn, whhh-EYE would you do something like that??”
”I dunno.”

“It’s a wonderful life!”
“I love you.”

Yeah, he’s awesome. :)

I love you. Yes, my dad says that too, @augustlan. Those are some of his best words. Happy Father’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day, ya’ll.

Mainly “Er-Mor-Ash-Ju-Jay… You know who you are.”

Nothing in particular (or too many to list at the moment). He was (is) always positive, caring and kind. This made a huge impression on me. He taught me how to treat others with respect and kindness.

My father used to say, “Rich or poor, it’s always nice to have money.”
We were working class and he was talking about having enough to get things done expeditiously.

My dad had loads of homilies:
‘Each to their own taste’ said the cow as she licked her nose.
‘Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the bottom’
‘Last time I checked, you were more than 3 times 6.’ (meaning, you’re a grownup, figure it out!)
‘Grampa Fred KILLED ‘can’t.’ (I just heard my son say it to me in the garden on Saturday and it warmed my heart.)
‘Yeah, but, yeah, but! Excuses start with, Yeah, but.’

He always says that quote from President Kennedy “We don’t do things because they are easy, we do them because they are hard”. Very annoying when your looking for a bit of sympathy.

“If at first you don’t succeed, keep on a-suckin’ till you do suck a seed!” That one came down to him from his Mom. Also, his mom would try to correct him when he said “fur” instead of “for.” She’d say, “Fur is for cats for to make kitten britches out of.”

My father figure was my maternal grandfather. His favorite thing to say as he’d hold up his spread open hand was, “everybody is different, just like fingers on a hand. Open and separate they each have something to say, something of value, even the bad ones. Closed and gathered together, they can be strong for good or strong in stubbornness- nothing good there. Don’t pick the safety of stubborn people unless you know what they’re about.”

Most of the time I though I knew what he was talking about but it was easier to hear then to practice.

I always worked for my father doing labor around his farm or for his construction company. Work often involved using shovels, picks, and other tools. It could be twenty degree outside and after shoveling a few minutes the coats and sweaters come off you will be in a teeshirt sweating. If its already hot outside your soaking wet in one minute. Anytime this happened dad would say, “There is heat in them there tools.”

I love this question! My dad, now late, always said

a penny saved is a pound earned, and never a borrower nor a lender be

I think overall that is good advice!

@shippy… your dad sort of plagiarised those….. hahahha…. bless him.

@cazzie yes totally loll.