How do you not get aggravated and if you did, when do you know you're overdoing it and stop?

My first step is to take deep breaths from my diaphragm.

You might try this

I blow off the steam, usually by swearing.

Drink a glass of cool water.
Take deep breaths in and slowly breathe out 3 times.
Sit down. If you’re already sitting down, lie down for a few minutes.
Put on some relaxing instrumental music.
I find that watching something funny (stand up comedy, in my case) works wonders too.

A good stiff workout is good for me, banish those blues sister!

Not getting aggravated is fairly simple, if not easy: accepting that things are the way that they are, and that you’ve got to starch that upper lip and keep going. Give yourself a goal to latch on to.
I’ve found that running helps to take the edge off, not jogging but full-power for-your-life running. There’s a long hallway at work between Meat Dept. and Receiving with nobody in it, and it’s usually busy enough to justify running anyway. Burn yourself out. Then sit down and have lunch and read a favorite book.

It’s never as important, in retrospect, as it seems at the time. You are aggravated now and your blood is up and that makes it very difficult to have perspective on what is happening. It makes it hard to forgive or even think about forgiving. Justice is usually what is at the top of your mind in times when you have been wronged.

Later on, it can be more important just to get on with y our life with the minimum disruption possible, and sometimes that means you are willing to overlook the wrongs. Making the wrongs right may take too much effort and cost you too much. Which makes you wonder if it’s really worth it.

I find that reminding myself my future self will see this differently can help me calm down. Reminding myself that my own anger and aggravation often takes as much out of me as whatever someone else did. I like to remember that my goals are different. My goal is to live a good life, and that does not mean righting all wrongs done me, or even many of them.

It’s a strategic decision. You look at your whole life, not just your pride or your immediate reputation. If you do that, local aggravations can seem smaller and easier to let go, and then you can relax and get on with life. It’s not easy, but just reminding yourself it is possible helps.

@thorninmud That video just about killed my motivation to do… well, anything. You, sir, have given Marvin the POV gun.

Intense emotion moves the center consciousness out of the mind and into the body. Unless one takes control of the body, the mind will rationalize the body’s impulses, and words will be said and actions taken that in the light of a calmer mind will be clearly seen as wrong.

Emotion usually builds slowly, providing an opportunity when one is aware of its rising to redirect its path. Listen to the words forming in your head that accompany a growing passion. They should alert you to the gradual transition from the will of the mind to the will of the body. While you can, take control of the body by regulating your breathing. Make it slow and deep. A calm mind can find reasonable solutions when it is not simply justifying one’s ego.

At the point that I feel the aggravation, the best thing I can do is remove myself from the situation – then breathing, crying, punching a pillow… it depends on what the source of the aggravation is. I also really like to go for a drive – I’m in my own space, no one can be in that space unless I invite them in, the act of driving is second nature but does require my brain to do something other than solely think about what is causing the aggravation.

Moving forward, writing helps me no end to process emotion. It doesn’t have to be coherent necessarily, it doesn’t even have to start at the beginning, it’s just getting the emotion inside me out. It can really help me to get better perspective on a matter too, particularly if it’s something I know at some point I’m going to be trying to talk it through with the other party. It helps me to remove the emotive language from the matter, and to make sure I’ve thought of everything so it doesn’t get forgotten or lost in an argument.

Any time you spend getting aggravated is energy being zapped and wasted. It results in your focus being on the badness in the situation, rather than on making the situation better for yourself. Being able to move beyond it will ultimately make life more manageable. G’luck!

@Nullo Yeah, well see, watching that when you’re not aggravated is kind of like taking insulin when you’re not diabetic. When you’re all hot and bothered by something, the “pale blue dot” perspective keeps you from taking stuff too seriously; but in a more positive frame of mind, thinking that way will squash your spunk like a cockroach

@thorninmud I’m keeping that link. I think that it may turn out to be a bona fide thread killer, except for when arguing with nihilists.

I remind myself of the Andalucian saying “No pasa nada.” Doesn’t matter. I really do try to take a step back and remember that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter.