@downtide I wasn’t sure if a trans person would necesarily want to be with or date another trans person, just for that fact alone, although it would certainly make it easier to deal with the whole situation. But as you know, people fall in love with all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. It would be a lot harder (because of the smaller pool of people who would be OK with it) to fish in the non-trans ocean. But if someone found the right non-trans person, then it would be wonderful.
Here’s a horrible (and I do apologize) analogy that I was reminded of, about my own youth. If you can believe it, I was a huge Bay City Rollers fan. The Bay City Rollers, at least in my town and school, were considered to be the epitome of un-coolness and most people shouted that they were gay and faggots, but I loved them. So me and a few other girls at school, when I first started in high school, developed some secret code words to determine whether or not someone else was a BCR fan, because if they weren’t you were likely to have your reputation ruined and have people assume that you were gay and call you names. I would never have mentioned being a BCR fan when I first met a friend. I was too embarrassed and too afraid of the repercussions. Isn’t that crazy! Something that really had no impact and was not life-threatening. So to be a transsexual and to have to deal with that whole realm of repercussions is just mind-boggling to me.
I hate the idea of chasers who seek out people specifically because they do have some sort of difference and it is the difference (which is usually a fetish) that makes the person appealing, not because of any particular sort of mutual love or feelings of chemistry.
I realized I never actually answered the question. I think disclosure as soon as possible, even on the first date, is crucial. It’s not like someone who is chubby (another favorite of chasers) where it is quite clear to see what the person’s unusual difference is. Being a transsexual is something that is quite different and it goes to the base of people’s ideas of what is right and wrong, and what is and what isn’t, and who someone is, and who someone is not. Maybe in a few years, things will be different, but right now, I think it would come as a shock to most people. And for some people (and you know who those people are) would not only see it as shocking, but as sinful or disgusting or un-natural or as an afront to God, or a whole bunch of other not so nice things.
It’s interesting, I’ve often thought, What if my S/O came out now (after 15 years) and told me that he had once been a female? I think at this point, it would be a little odd (and would actually explain a few things LOL), but I think I would choose to keep him, but if I would have learned that info in the beginning, I don’t think I would have let the relationship go any further than friendship. But I would still prefer to work with the facts from the get go.
At the place where I used to work (which was a fairly liberal place to begin with) a trans woman came to work in our department. It seemed somewhat obvious (if that is the right word) that our co-worker either was at one time, or might still be, a male. But no biggie. If she said she was a female, then we would treat her as she wanted to be treated. Just to let you know, me and all of the other females, were not exactly your run of the mill feminine type of gals. We were all very strong, never wore makeup because of the type of work we did and we all pretty much did the same type of traditionally male type of work. So in our own little department, everything was cool. But then we caught wind of gossip down the halls, and people had begun to whisper about the “tranny” at work. So even in a liberal place where we worked, where half of the staff was either gay or lesbian, being trans was and probably still is a bit shocking to most people.
Thanks to Chazz Bono, though, at least being trans seems at least somewhat normal and OK. Everybody loved Chastity, and when Chazz became a fellow, how could you not love him?