I can understand why the woman was upset, because of course rape isn’t funny. But I can also understand why the comedian – any comedian – would try to make a joke about it that is funny. We find humor in awful things sometimes because we have to in order to maintain our sanity. One of the comedians who came to Tosh’s defense in the link provided in the question was pretty funny: “This Daniel Tosh rape joke controversy really has me second guessing some of my rapes.”
I’ll give a simple enough example from my own life:
On September 11, 2001, I was working in California and therefore was just getting up to go to work for the day as the news was on television about the World Trade Center attack. Before I left the house I watched as the first tower crumbled to the ground. It was horrifying, of course. There was nothing funny about it then and there is still nothing funny about it.
When I got to work we were all more or less going through the motions, in shocked silence and with very little interaction between our group, who were normally active, cheerful and open to discuss any topic of the day. I made a joke about the current situation. It was perfectly forgettable (I have forgotten the joke myself) and probably quite lame. It was either speculation about the effect of the attack on Manhattan property values or something to do with what this would do to people’s daily commute. It got a few nervous laughs – and we started talking again.
I use humor a lot – all the time, really – to de-fuse tense situations or to relax people who are uncomfortable. Not every joke works, but if it works to get people talking instead of frozen in a particular response mode (like this woman obviously was about rape, for example), then it’s not all bad, either.
Mark Twain knew all of this (and would have made funny comments about the Holocaust, I’m sure):
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
– Following the Equator
The funniest things are the forbidden.
– Notebook, 1879
Humorists of the ‘mere’ sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
– Mark Twain’s Autobiography
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness—your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture….He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
– “Notes on Thackeray’s Essay on Swift”
Finally, two related personal notes:
I wrote my father’s obituary for his home city newspaper. You have to understand that I loved my father dearly, and his premature death (at 80, but he was a healthy 80, so it was unexpected) nine years ago has affected me greatly. Still, I made humorous references to his life in the writing. The obits editor wrote to me after they ran it in the paper (without changing a word) and told me it was one of the best she had ever seen.
He died from an accident, followed by exposure as he lay unconscious in the cold one night. I discovered as I visited the house he and my mother had rented in Arizona that he had taken the trash out to the curb in the two-wheeled wheelie-bin on a pea-gravel driveway. The week after the funeral, while I was at the house myself and took the trash out, I realized what must have happened. The pea gravel is fine to drive on, but those narrow wheels of the trash bin are very “draggy” when the bin is loaded (as it was for me after the funeral and initial clearing of the house, since my mother then had to go to a nursing home). It was tough to push the loaded bin. I realized that my dad must have been overtaxed and (since he had low blood pressure to begin with and was at high altitude near Flagstaff), probably passed out, falling and striking his head on the concrete porch as he was returning to the house.
So I realized right away that “the trash took out Dad”. No, it’s not ha-ha funny, but it helped me to deal. It helps me to deal.