"It's not cheating if you don't ________." [Likely NSFW.]?

…lie about it.
That’s my personal opinion.

Oh, I’ve done poly too @DigitalBlue , but this guy was in a monogamous relationship and he was intending to lie about it :-/

@bookish1 I’m in a traditional, monogamous marriage. So just because I believe it, doesn’t mean that I get to necessarily “apply” it. That is the real problem for me, though. The betrayal comes from the dishonesty, not from the actions.
I’ve probably heard questionable endings to this statement, nothing jumped to mind, so I gave my own. :)

@DigitalBlue : I gotcha. And I agree, IMHO, betrayal comes from dishonesty or thinking “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.” I’ve been cheated on and I would never want to do that to someone else.

…. if you don’t do something with someone that you really should be doing with your partner.

I’m pretty strict on this one. :-)

“It’s not cheating if you… pay for it?”

Never have myself but I bet there are people who think this.

“Don’t enjoy it?” On no wait, that was sin. I saw that on Rob Roy.

@Bellatrix Never heard that one. I think if you pay for it with a bad check would be more appropriate.

…have any moral fortitude.
Or, you happen to be the banker, that’s my fucking hotel loser!!

Stick it in her vagina.

“Eating isn’t cheating and sucking isn’t fucking.” I read that yesterday on someone’s Facebook page, and that’s when I realized that only a really fucking ugly chick (someone beat her with the ugly 2×4) would brag about cheating.

Get caught.

Get married.

I think a few people are missing the “most ridiculous” part clause in the OP.

Some of the crazy ones I’ve heard are “it’s not cheating if you don’t live in the same area code” and “it’s not cheating if it’s practice” (where “practice” means you’re trying something out on somebody other than your partner so that you will be really good at it when you surprise them with it).

I’ve heard “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score,” or… if you can get past the goalie, it’s not cheating.

@Patton : Hit that nail right on the head. I was so taken aback by “it’s not cheating if you don’t kiss on the mouth” that I was wondering what other flabbergasting self-exculpatory notions about cheating people have come across.

get caught