If you are cheated on, does it help or hurt the situation for your partner to make a very public acknowledgement and apology?

My nature demands such things be kept private and anyone whose conscience demanded such of them would understand my position (and know better than to cross it if it was my genuine forgiveness they desired). However I can grasp where such a public ‘flagellation’ could be deemed, and appreciated as, necessary.

Apparently in this case it didn’t help at all. I was surprised by the public apology and declaration of love for the person she cheated on especially since they have been so private about their relationship all this time. The public declaration of how much she loves her partner seemed like a kick in the pants. If you are so in love, why did you cheat? I would have handled it privately and quietly so the press wouldn’t have such a field day with it.

Being cheated on is a very personal thing. IMHO it would make it worse to have it aired in public.
Being wanted to be taken back has nothing to do with public outcry. It is hard enough to deal with it at the one on one situation. Adding the outside to me only showns their continued selfishness.

A person with a very unclear set of boundaries might think a public apology would help, but I think it would probably make it worse. It would make your shame public. Once the shame is public, I think the relationship is probably over.

What are we talking about here? I haven’t seen news of such a case yet.

Making it public will only make it worse. In my experience, making an affair public relieves some of the guilt from the perpetrator, but makes the shame worse for both parties.

@wundayatta The girl from the Twilight movie cheated on the Guy from Twilight movie. When it was leaked to the press, she immediately did a press release saying it was true and she hoped he forgave him.

as an aside, the guy she cheated with was twice his age, married with 2 young kids

Going public with it is either some spin doctor factor or a way for them to try to justify it in their own head. I am unclear if their guilt makes them try to find anyone to see their side.
The fact is, any effort outside the effort you give to the person you wronged is simply wasted energy. Any energy needs to be focused on fixing it with that other person or realizing the mistake they made and if it can’t be resolved, then to simply move on with their cheating life “alone”.
A Scarlett Letter does not help the situation.

Maybe I’m cynical, but I’d be pissed as hell, and here’s why. I’d see the public nature of the apology as an attempt to get others on his “side.” Picture this happening in a public place, a guy hands a girl a boquet and gives her some sappy speech. If she is anything less than warmly receptive I’ll bet you people in the crowd will start muttering about how she’s a cold hearted bitch. Not to mention how humiliating it would be having my private situation broadcasted all over. Ooh I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Relationship matters should be private, in my opinion. I find something off about people who openly discuss their relationships on facebook, for example. If I heard or came across a public apology (for another couple), I would see it as unnecessary because I don’t even need to know, nor would I care.

Behaving in an exhibitionistic manner makes you an exhibitionist and not a loving and mature partner.

What I have always said is the only person allowed to make such things public is the spouse who was cheated on. If a husband cheats, then if the wife wants to put a big sign in the yard stating her husband has been schtupping Caroline two doors over, or announce it at a family or friends gathering, then I say she has every right (as long as it is not an event like a wedding or baptism, etc. But, he doesn’t get to parade his affair and embarrass his wife, and the media does not get to out someone’s affair, unless they are big fat hypocrite politicians playing family values to get elected, then sorry his wife is part of the fallout for what a huge disaster the husband is all around. Even a public apology is unnacceptable, unless the wife requested it, then maybe.

This is true in the reverse also of course, if the wife is the one cheating, and for gay couples.

I’m not sure how making it public makes it any better. I suppose it depends on the people involved. Some people are private. Some are very public.

When David Letterman acknowledged his cheating publicly, I thought he handled it really well. But he did it because he was being blackmailed about it. Otherwise, I can’t imagine a good reason to do it.

@augustlan David Letterman is a great example of when it seemed appropriate. I assume his wife was on board with him doing it publicly.

I saw on The View today a woman who put up a house for sale sign in her yard that said her husband cheated on her with a 22 year old and now she needs to sell. Kind of what I was talking about in my first answer. Here is an article about it.

Edit: Better link with picture of the sign.

A public apology and asking for forgiveness is a manipulative tactic, it puts social pressure on the victim to forgive and accept the situation

It’s a private transgression and should be handled as such. I don’t think many victims of infidelity want it publicly known they got the horns put on them, being cheated on is an ego crush as is without using a megaphone to amplify the humiliation.