Did you ever want to be sexually involved with someone, but didn't because of the potential social costs?
If so, what were the social costs you were concerned about? Later on, did you wish you hadn’t made that decision?
By social costs, I mean things like you wouldn’t want to get a reputation as a slut or player. Or you didn’t want to have to tell someone in the future how many lovers you might have had. You can tell me about other social costs that have played into your thinking.
I ask about social costs as opposed to moral beliefs. It is different to say you wouldn’t sleep with someone because you didn’t want to be seen as promiscuous than it is to make the same choice because you think it is morally wrong. This question is purely about the social cost of promiscuity, not any moral considerations. Someone who declines an opportunity for a sexual relationship for moral reasons will not be thinking about the social costs of such a relationship.
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Well, yes.. Although he was more concerned about the social costs than I was – which was surprising to me given our personalities. We are in the same co-ed fraternity, and news travels quickly. He didn’t want to ruin either reputation. Probably didn’t help that his two past exes were also members… I did regret it for a few months after, but have since seen that it was really for the best.
No point in potentially causing a lot of drama and hurt feelings over a few hookups.
Sure. He was smart, huge and slighty awkward, but lived close to me in college. So after a night of partying with my friend, I simply waited until they left, we took pleasure in each other, and moving on we pretended nothing had ever happened. No regrets.
No, I don’t really buy into those slut and player ideas at all. But I have turned down lovers on other bases, like for example if they had too many kids or dogs, or a complicated life. I am complicated enough and knew even then, before I knew I was bipolar I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. So I walked away. And yes there were loads of nice people I could have had more with.
One person I turned down for my career, stupid, stupid me. Because years later where is my career? I should have followed my heart.
I used to not want to have sex with my best guy friend because he couldn’t see us as a couple. I felt like no guy would ever want me if he knew I’ve been in a friends with benefits relationship. I felt like I’d be viewed as a slut and would be judged. I found out there are still people who accept me, even after knowing about it. I am so glad I have fought stereotypes about friends with benefits off. He is amazing and a great lover, even if we aren’t a boyfriend/girlfriend couple.
Yes, often, and the social cost I consider is always the same; my relationship with my current partner.
Sure, but the social costs were, still are, familial ostracism. The person I wanted to be with had to fit into my family, from my point of view at the time. If I couldn’t envision that, then I let them go.
In a way… all my life I just wanted to be in the same league of the women I am attracted to.
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