Do people prefer to be approached or to approach?

Interesting topic. I agree with you both that there are cliques on here (but how is that different from any online forum, I ask you??) and that a lot of people are isolated. (I’ve stuck around and become a very active member for that reason, among others.)

I’ve found at least that jellies here are usually glad to be approached with a particular question or subject via PM, but you can’t expect to make friends with everyone, or to be able to carry on every conversation indefinitely.

In real life, I approach people… in bars. Lord. I have to figure out a better way to make friends, haha.
Here, I usually approach people by sending a PM referring to a recent conversation we’ve had, or I’ve seen them have, on a thread, and we start from there.

Welcome to Fluther, by the way :)

Edit: Derp, it just occurred to me that you might be referring by “this community” to a community in real life that you just moved to, rather than Fluther, which is what I had assumed! Is that the case?

I don’t think you will get a blanket answer as each person has their individual answer. I prefer someone to approach me whether in real life or on the internet. If you start with one person, make friends with that person then you will see the circle widen as they introduce you to their friends. If you are a funny person as you say, it will be easy to make friends.
Welcome to fluther.

I will agree that people on here kind of have ‘circles’, but I don’t think that has anything to do with you not making it in to any circles yet.

I see this site more along the lines of regulars who I have seen on here, vs regulars that I have not spoken to or interacted with yet. I consider my self more of a loner than part of a group, however I do have some connections and people I talk to.

As for you personally, my opinion is that you have not had any interest/interaction because you account looks like it is brand new. At least to me, when I see an account with 80-odd lurve and a standard avatar, I assume it is someone who is “just passing by” so to speak.

If you had a personalized avatar I would start to notice you, and pay attention more to your answers.

I remember people far more often because of their avatar than because of their username, so when I see a standard avatar, I have no idea if it is someone new or someone who I have seen a few times.

Don’t know if that helps at all.

I’m a little confused: are you saying people on this website are anti social because they haven’t hit on you?

With only 3 questions and 7 responses in two months of membership, it’s going to be pretty hard for people to get a sense of who you are in this group, or even that you are. (Today is the first time I’ve noticed you. Welcome to Fluther.) Making silly faces in the crowd won’t work here. (Usually: sometimes I can imagine the faces that people make when they read a particular response, but that’s because I already have a sense of who they are, and how jarring some responses might be to them.)

On the other hand, opining that people here are all isolated or individualised, if you know what I mean. Everyone feels awkward or unnatural or unfriendly or whatever in here for whatever reason, as if everyone were a victim here is a gross mischaracterization of Fluther. Maybe you need to keep reading (as you write more, too) to get a better sense of who we are.

Some of us are victimizers. Hmmph.

And what @poisonedantidote said is very true: A unique avatar that you don’t change very often will help people get to know who “you” are when they see it and hear from you more often.

It massively depends.

I, too, noticed the cliques on here when I first joined, and I felt like an outsider. But, once I became more active, people (I believe) began to understand me and got a better idea of my values and my personality. I am in no ways in a clique on here. There are people who I talk to, and all have approached me (but I am not an approacher, so yeah). I am willing to talk to anyone who is open to hearing my opinions on things, as long as I am not attacked maliciously for them. But I have not felt that I need to be with the “in” clique. I answer questions honestly and let it all just be :)

Thanks guys!! I think the word ‘this’ community caused some misunderstanding, but I was talking about another in my own country.. real life community.

Yeah, I wondered why there was any confusion in the first place.

@dumitus Thank you for the clarification.

I don’t know what it is like in your country, but here in the US, we call it ‘cocooning’. It means that people are leaving work and going straight home, if not stopping off to pick up some fast food, in order to camp out in front of the television or address personal tasks. With more couples having both work, or more single parents, it is harder to find time to to make friends in the community, unless they make the effort.

My recommendation would be to keep trying and to tread lightly. Most communities create their own culture. It doesn’t mean that you cannot change it. It just takes time and effort.

Thanks a lot! Time and efforts, I guess I was just trying to gain friends by time alone. Efforts were what I was lacking of.

Oh well my answer is kaput. I didn’t realize you meant an IRL community.

Effort is a two way street, from relationships to friendships. Don’t judge yourself too harshly here, and many times other people are just jerks. You don’t owe it to anybody to approach them, and truly decent people will try to make their own efforts as well. Respect yourself before worrying about trying to win others over.

Thanks a lot, Paradox25. Your answer encourages a lot.!