Can you share some funny jokes?

What’s the most important thing in humor timing.

I’m sure your intentions are good @jordym84 but if I was your friend and feeling totally miserable I wouldn’t want to receive funny jokes texted to me all day, I would appreciate a listening ear though.

@Adagio What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t listen to her? She knows she can talk to me about it any time and she does and that I’ll always be there when she needs to vent, but she’s not the moping kind and really appreciates it when I make her laugh. Thanks for the concern, though.

From my daughter:
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogy in it.
Why did the pencil cross the road? To get to Pennsylvania.

She didn’t ask whether or not it is a good idea. She asked for jokes. I’d guess @jordym84 knows what her friend would appreciate more than any of us.

Thank you @Supacase :) :) :)

@jordym84 Well, in that case… Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. : ^)

@Adagio Oh lordy!!! hahahaha

@Adagio aaggghh

So this guy walks into a bar, and he goes…ow man, that hurt.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer sing on the way to his refrigerator?
My baloney has a first name…

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but…every once in a while you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

What do muslim women wear to the beach?
A burkini

Love the onion one @Coloma!

Mitt Romney for president.

A man goes into a bar with a rolled up piece of bitumen under his arm. He says “I’ll have a beer please, and one for the road….”

@ucme Be careful what you wish for…~

@zensky Oh I think it would be hilarious if he were president, like watching team america in real life.

Didn’t they just have two terms of W.?

That was more like Planet of the Apes.

Great conversation starter I stole from someone here on Fluther: “Okay, I hid the body. Now what?”