Would you go out of your way to help someone from going down a similar path as yourself?

I would try to even though it’s often a thankless task. Youth is wasted on the young and all…..sometimes people have to learn the hard way. But it’s great that you want to try to help. I guess it depends on how it’s done and how receptive the person may be to you.

I do it practically every day on Fluther. Check out the I really like this guy but he, fill in the blank——. What should I do? questions.

They are not you. You have no idea what that person will grow up to be. You cannot make someone’s decisions for them. Everybody has to make their mistakes to have something to learn from, so unless you were an axe murderer, or the like, and/or the person actually asks you to help them change into someone like you, my advice to you would be to let them be.

Yeah, they have to make their own calls and live with the results. You only really learn by experience

I would and do. I am a great believer in mentoring and it seems that’s what you are talking about here. I don’t believe I can really influence who they become or the choices they make. I can just be there and offer advice/guidance when they want it.

The danger in hoping to help them become a better person than you or to achieve more than you is you have no control over that. As @fremen_warrior and @Earthgirl suggest they aren’t you and they may choose to ignore any guidance you offer – so I think understanding your own motivation and what you hope to get out of the relationship is important. I am okay with giving advice and support and then walking away and letting the person act on that advice/support or not. This can be hard when it is my own children, a couple of whom are very like me, and seeing them making mistakes I have made but knowing all I can do is be there to pick up the pieces if things don’t work out. Sometimes you can see the train heading towards the end of the line and you know they are going to crash but you have to let it happen.

I am in a situation that is parallel to situation you shared currently. My son is an almost mirror copy of myself at his age, not just appearance, but also behavior, concerns, emotions, intelligence, and much more. I was trying for a significant period of time to help shortcut him somehow to become more self-aware and self confident. In a way I was trying to compensate for my errors as a parent in the past, and also for my brokeness in my own childhood. Compensation in this way is never useful.

Most of my efforts have backfired…which has led me to the conclusion that he will have to learn the ‘hard way’ the same as I did. Hopefully he arrives where I am now (age 38) at an earlier age in his life.

I have redirected my efforts to parent/mentor/love him in a more balanced (my perspective) and fun (his perspective) way.

Perhaps the best course of action in this situation is to try to invest yourself more fully in whatever role you find yourself with your ‘kindred spirit’ whomever they are: family, friend, acquaintance, benefactor, etc.

Wow funny I see this today. I’m actually doing that. I’m not only going out of my way to help this person, but I am risking my very life. The funny thing is this person I’m trying to help not go down my path is older than me, and is my long lost step brother.

Like @Kardamom I attempt when I can to advise, stay out of the way, and be ready to pick up the pieces.

Oh, yes. You should help them. But perhaps not the way you think you should. Just be their friend. Don’t try to guide them, don’t try to move them. Listen to them. You might end up learning valuable things about yourself in the process.

If you try to lead them too much, they might end up resenting you. And if you like this person, then they can’t be too much like you. I’ve certainly never liked someone too much like me. They probably have very large differences, and these differences are what might make you a good pair.

But sometimes in a friendship where someone is making the mistakes you have, you will feel compelled to offer advice. Be sure to do it the right way. State it in a way that makes it conform to the goals they have now (money, or power, or revenge, or whatever ambitions they have), not their long term health or the well-being of the world, as it might be hard for them to see so far ahead.

I was always open and honest with my kids about my youthful mistakes and for the most part, they chose to learn from mine, or should I really say, find a whole new set of mistakes that I never considered. It’s great to help people learn from your experience, just don’t get your heart broken when they choose to learn the hard way as well.

Thank you to everyone who bothered to read the details and actually answer the question.

@King_Pariah in defense of those that may not have answered your question: You did ask a ‘social’ question instead of the kind where you are asking for an answer and no dialogue…I think it is a general question.

This was a bit of a “social” experiment as well

Hopefully you learned something useful about flutherers ;)

Useful? hardly. Amusing? Indeed.