(NSFW) If you grew up in a home where you were taught that sex before marriage and living together before marriage is wrong, how did you handle it if you chose to do either or both?

When I was 18 I moved in with my boyfriend, my parents disowned me. After six months they “re-owned” me. I later married this boy. Later on in life I met a girl I fell in love with, and they disowned me again. Of course I didn’t marry her, and they re owned me again later on. Looking back I realized they simply loved me, and didn’t know any other way to deal with some of the things I did that went against their teachings. But I do know this, they loved me, they never stopped loving me. They just wanted different things for me. Its scary being a parent of a daughter I’d imagine. It’s natural to protect her. Let your parents know him. Let them see why you love him. Allow them to see you are safe and that he is an OK guy, and that in some way his intentions are honorable. If they are and you also get what you need from moving in with him. That which we know and understand is less scary.

I can only go by your previous Q and suggest that moving in with someone is a very personal thing. You have to decide for yourself if you’d be comfortable living with someone as opposed to being married to them.

For me, I can’t imagine marrying someone that I hadn’t lived with for 3 or 5 years. You simply cannot know someone well enough without a lot of time living with them day in and day out.

On the other hand, I would never even consider moving in with someone with whom I was in a Friends With Benefits relationship, because I would know that it isn’t real. It’s only about f*cking.

As far as the family is concerned, only you can tell how they might react. In some cases, parents might be able to accept the idea of their adult child trying to make the best of circumstances in this modern world (if you are a real couple and not just FWB’s) In other circumstances, some families might decide to disown you. It’s up to you how important the romantic relationship is. I’m guessing that in your case, it’s not very well described or set in stone. Best to wait until you know what kind of relationship you are in with this other person.

How old are you? That’s pertinent information.

Also, are you self-supporting now, or do you live with your parents, or what?

I am 22… and this would not happen unless it was reasonable and affordable for both of us and we both would pay rent. It’s not something that’s going to happen instantly if it does happen. I have time to think about it. Yes, I still live with my parents.

When I first moved in with my boyfriend, I didn’t tell my parents. That’s the mature, confident, sensible way I handled it.

I’d already had an apartment of my own, so this wasn’t my moving out. We’d already made that transition.

Somehow I managed to keep it from them for nearly a year. Then I broke up with the boyfriend and he moved out, and part of my reaction was relief that I could quit trying to keep that tricky secret. I nearly blew it several times by failing to catch myself when I said “we.” But my parents were naive and I managed to get away with it. Either that or they didn’t want to confront me.

(And by the way, yes, I was brought up in the belief that all that was wrong. But I was also taught to think for myself, and I did.)

The next time the issue arose, I simply told my parents what I was going to do: I was moving in with the man I was serious about. By that time I was grown up enough to handle it and also to have lost my fear of my parents’ disapproval. Little kids need their parents in order to survive, but by the time you’re working and have your own place, you don’t, and I finally got that.

And they got it too. They wished me well. They wished me happiness.

A year later I married him. We celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary this year.

@AnonymousWoman Your wording is a little odd to me. You say you both are very intimate, not that he is your boyfriend or significant other. What exactly is the relationship? Are you two committed to each other and talk about possible marriage in the future? Are you just friends with sex benefits? If you are committed do you see moving in as a trial run to see if you can live with him? Or, does moving in together just seem like a natural next step, because you love being with him? Or, is moving in with him a way to get out of your parents house and more on your own? Maybe a different reason?

Do you already stay overnight with him and your parents are ok with that?

If you are not boyfriend/girlfriend, then you are not “moving in before marriage.” You are just roommates. Do your parents expect you to live at home until you get married? Would they be upset about you living with a man even if it was completely platonic?

My gut feeling is don’t do it. But, I really don’t have enough information to give an informed opinion yet.

@JLeslie I used the wording I did intentionally. I am not planning marriage with this guy. I was just trying to explain my parents rules. Using the words “living together before marriage” doesn’t mean I plan on marrying the guy. It doesn’t even mean I see marriage in our future. I mean living together without being married.

As for our “relationship”, it is very confusing. We are friends, but we are sexual. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend and possibly never will be. Living together is something he suggested because he only wants me for a roommate, nobody else. Or that’s how he felt when discussing these things with me. He is a very private person and originally wanted to live alone, but for some reason decided that he would enjoy living with me and felt like he could let me into his bubble.

He has told me he doesn’t want me to be abused anymore….(left this out before, but I figured it’s probably a good idea to include it). This seems to be a result of something that happened in June when I was hit extremely hard by my father and had bruises for a long time over disagreeing with him about something. As my friend and I are sexual with each other, he ended up seeing this and it really hurt him that a father would do this to his own daughter. And it hurt him that a hand was laid on me like that because he cares about me. He (along with my best female friend) are not very comfortable with me living with my Dad after knowing about this and want me to move out. My Dad has never hit me again like this and seems to have learned from it, but they are worried it will happen again and be worse next time. If I do live with him, it would only be for a year. It’s only temporary. Not a permanent arrangement.

I am not allowed to spend the night at a guy’s house. I’m barely even allowed to spend the night at a female friend’s house. My Dad believes people should not move out until they get married (I do not agree with this). My Dad would be upset with me living with any male I am not married or related to. Doesn’t matter who it is.

Part of the reason why I’m comfortable with having no label on our relationship (if I don’t live with this guy) is because of how my Dad has acted when he has found out I had boyfriends. For example, when I was 15, I got a boyfriend and after he found out, I was thrown against a wall and told to tear up his photograph… and kicked out of the house until I ripped up his picture and said I would dump him. I was even threatened that I would be sent to another school if I didn’t leave him. All this a guy who I had never even held hands with! This is the extreme he was willing to go over a 15-year-old child, which I feel was an unreasonable reaction. Having no label is comforting in that I can honestly say “I don’t have a boyfriend” if I’m asked, which can help me avoid exactly this kind of situation. He hasn’t thrown me against a wall since over a boyfriend that I can recall, but he has said some really mean things.

@Jeruba It’s great that you were taught to think for yourself. And it’s awesome how long you’ve been with your SO. :)

@Shippy I’m afraid letting this guy get to know my family won’t work out. I don’t want to manipulate them into liking him, either. And I don’t want him to have to go through the “If you really cared about my daughter, you would marry her!” pressure. My parents are really obsessed with marriage. I was told I should not even bother being interested in guys unless I was ready to be a wife and a mother. Even given the advice that I should approach guys telling them I was interested in maybe marrying them! When I told my Dad that this would creep guys out, he told me that was a good thing and that’s how I would know it wouldn’t work out with them anyway. :/ All this being said, you are right that a parent may just want what is best for his or her child…. or what he or she believes is the best for his or her child.

@Kardamom No worries about the marriage thing. I guess I should have been clearer in that I don’t see marriage in our future. I was just trying to explain my parents rules when I was mentioning marriage. I go into that more in my response to @JLeslie.

Hi @AnonymousWoman

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it’s hard.

As a fellow abuse survivor, I can appreciate the situation you are in. There is little if anything you can do to change the nature of your abusers, and the best advice I can give you is to: Get. Out. Now.

You are 22 years old. You are, by law and by nature, a grown woman capable of making your own life decisions. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you’ll feel all the guilt and shame that your abusers have pumped into your brain your entire life, and yes, the healing process is going to take a while. However, it seems you have friends who are willing to be a support system for you, and that makes them worth their weight in gold.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t recommend rooming with a close friend, but that’s just because I’ve had bad roommate experiences. Bad abuse experiences are much worse.

Your dad seems to lack a key piece of the marriage puzzle: many of the best marriages are made of close friendships that develop into love. It’s hard enough to be married to your best friend (luckily, I am! had to give up my whack-job family to do it!) I can’t imagine being married to the first person that wasn’t creeped out by a first-impression marriage proposal. Wow.

Dealing with the guilt was pretty crushing.

@AnonymousWoman I can’t help you much on this one. My father died when I was fairly young and my mother spent most of my teen years pursuing my now stepfather. I basically raised myself as a teen and I did anything I wanted. I think my girlfriend and I were in bed together at my house when my mother told us she and he were getting married that day.

@AnonymousWoman I definitely think you should get out of your abusive home. Are you American? Is your dad American? I only ask because if there is some sort of cultural thing at work that I might not understand, or if you live in a country that will not help protect you in any way as a woman the best advice might vary. Your wording is still, you say “live together,” that throws me off, but I know what you mean now.

Here are my fears about your situation and you can decide if any are a possibillity. I am not assuming anything about you or your potential roomate.

- if you move in you will be more attached to him and it will bother you when he is dating other people

- if he is controlling in any way about who you see, where you go, what you do, and has a double standard about your sex buddy relationship. My fear is you will repeat your father’s reationship in your other relationships.

- what exactly will your dad do when you move out? Do you have any older siblings? Have they attempted this without being married?

Probably moving in with a girlfriend is the better way to go. Moving in with a man your dad will definitely assume you have been having sex with him; and, he is right. For you moving in with a female friend will probably feel more independent, which could be a good thing.

But, no matter what I say get out of your parent’s home. Their values seem to be all entangled in a bad thought process. I understand why people want to wait to have sex until marriage, and I understand cultures that the children live at home until married or much longer than typical American kids, but that can be done where the child is treated like an adult simply still living in the home. You are still treated like a child with abusive parents. If you were a minor and your situation was reported to child services you would be removed from the house. As an adult if the assault was reported your dad would be arrested. His behavior is criminal in America. You have every right to protect yourself and get out of the situation.

Do you think your dad will go over the edge and try to harm you and your friend? Does your dad own a gun? Would he try to kill anyone?

I just did it. I can’t hold myself to principles based on other people’s opinion. My parents still aren’t comfortable with it, but that’s irrelevant.

@Seek_Kolinahr Thank you for all of your supportive advice and for putting yourself in my shoes. I appreciate it so much!

@filmfann I have a feeling that I might go through the same thing if I go through with this. :(

@Adirondackwannabe In a way, you have helped me by sharing your story. You helped me realize that any shame/guilt I’d feel would likely be due to upbringing more than anything else. If I grew up in a different home where people were more supportive and/or less judgemental of this kind of thing, it would likely be far easier to deal with.

@JLeslie I am from Canada. Yes, I am worried about maybe becoming way too attached to him. I also don’t want to become dependent on him and feel like I am unable to not live with him. I worry about that. He has mentioned that if we lived together, he didn’t want me having sex with other guys in our apartment. While this expectation does bother me, I’m not interested in doing that anyway. It’s just having the limit there that feels restricting. If I moved out with my guy friend, my father could become really verbally abusive towards me and my friend. If I ever came to visit my current home, I would not be allowed to visit with him present if I was to follow my Dad’s rules 100%..... even if he was my boyfriend if we were living together. Yes, I have siblings who have lived with people they weren’t married to. My oldest brother did this before him and his wife got married and, even though they were in a committed relationship, my Dad treated her like she was a slut and did not allow them to ever visit together unless they got married. She does not like my father and refuses to talk to him unless it’s absolutely necessary, which is totally understandable given his treatment of her before she married my brother. Another of my siblings (a sister) who is 20 recently lived with a boyfriend, but was accused of being a prostitute just because she was having sex with a guy she was planning to marry. A label wouldn’t change anything unless my friend became my husband, which is not something I want to force him into…. No, my Dad doesn’t have a gun. And he hasn’t killed anyone.

@Facade As long as you are happy and nothing you are doing is wrong, that’s what matters!

You, as well as your family, need to understand that “beliefs” are just opinions, not ultimate truths. The most important work we can ever do to evolve on an emotional and psychological level is to question our beliefs and untangle our programming.
You are an adult now and you are under no obligation to continue parroting family belief systems if they do not feel right to you.

If your family chooses to disown you over you rejecting their rigid belief systems, well, their loss. It is always in a persons best interest to be true to themselves. Your parents are going to die someday and if you allow the threat of their disapproval to keep you from living your own life, having your own experiences, well, this would be far more tragic than rocking the family belief boat.

You do not need to have an all out war with your family, you only need to find ONE response and become a broken record. Do not engage in debate and arguing, do not fall for manipulative and guilt tripping behaviors. Pick a one liner such as ” I am doing what feels right to me” or ” I’m sorry my choices make you unhappy but this is what I choose to do.”
Repeat this verbatim, over and over and over again and do not fall into any emotional arguments.

You cannot argue with a broken record.
You have ONE life, live it your way, and if they choose to disown you, that is their cross to bear, not yours.

@Coloma Excellent advice. My Dad has often told us that if we don’t want to follow his rules, we should have enough respect to move out. I suppose I could say something like this if I move in with him: “I know you disapprove of my choice, but you have told us that we should move out if we don’t want to follow your rules. You also taught me to think for myself and I am. I know your reasons for disapproval and I really don’t need to hear them because I’ve heard them so many times. I don’t consider myself a Christian anymore, and as I am not one, I don’t see why I should have to follow the Bible the way you want me to. I won’t try to convince you to accept my situation. That would be manipulative and you are entitled to your own opinions. I am entitled to mine. I’ll respect yours by not bringing him around, but I’d appreciate if you respected mine by recognizing that I do not live with you anymore and, therefore, I can follow the rules in my new place that _____ and I have decided to set for ourselves. Living with _____ does not mean you failed as a parent, so I don’t want you to blame yourself and wonder where you went wrong. This is just what I want because it makes me happy. We are different people and have different values in some situations.” I’ll try to think of a way to summarize all of this somehow so it comes out naturally.

@AnonymousWoman, did you miss the part about just telling my parents what I was going to do, calmly and in an adult fashion (and without being either defensive or judgmental)? That’s the recommended solution, the point being that if you’re ready to move in with a man, you should be old enough to manage on your own and mature enough to have that conversation without fear. Your survival no longer depends on your parents’ approval.

^ @Jeruba No, I didn’t. I was trying to get back to everything, though, so it may have seemed like I missed something. It sounds like your parents are more reasonable than my father is, though.

@AnonymousWoman Canada? Canadadians tend to live together. My guess is there is some other part of your ethnic background that leads to this rigidity. I guess it is his religion,

Ok, so basically this is your family pattern. The only way children get out of the house is by moving in with someone else. Your father actually creates an environment where his kids do the very thing that he fears the most. Ironic how life works that way, we tend to attract the very thing we dread.

Here’s the thing, if the only way you can muster the strength to leave your house is to take this opportunity to live with your friend, then I say take him up on his offer. My hope is it would be temporary until you find a different place to live. It sounds like you will be living under his roof, not really that the situation will be perfectly 50/50. But, he does provide an opportunity for you. If you moved in with a female friend you would torture your father less, but he probably still would give you a very hard time. No matter what moving out is probably a sign to him you are not a good, obedient, girl and you lack respect for him. So, in a way you can’t win, but you can soften the blow, you can seek to leave the house and start your own life, rather than just take a man up on moving in with him. I am not 100% sure about your friend’s intentions. It seems like you would be a very convenient sex buddy living with him.

If you want to try to understand him, I kind of look at it like he really thinks in his mind he is watching out for you and your siblings. Since you mention you are Christians, and I guess the Christianity is how he justifies his views, he is afraid for you. Afraid you are going against God, could be damned to hell of all things. His anger stems from fear and anxiety and a religion that encourages him to be abusive. Not all Christian think this way, I am not painting a wide brush stroke, but probably whatever church he attends supports how he thinks.

Telling him you reject Christianity might really send him over the edge. I don’t know if that is necessary right now. Just my opinion.

Do you want to leave? Or, do you prefer your dad treat you like an adult and stay home? I think you probably do need to leave, but talking to him calmly first about his expectations and yours, maybe that you respect his values, but don’t agree with all his beliefs, and don’t want there to be hate between you two. That you have seen how every sibling has had to leave with this horrible process of everyone being angry, upset, and judgement, and you prefer it not be that way. Maybe showing him this consideration can help? Or, maybe he is too anger filled and controlling. I can’t know of course just from meeting you and hearing your story on fluther.

Where is your mom in all this? Will she support your decision?

My Mom would likely not support it. I can see her being offended that a guy would want to live with her daughter, but not be committed to her. She would also likely worry that I would get pregnant and possibly wonder if the guy would make me get an abortion. I am surprised that nobody has mentioned this! The biggest worry I have, more than anything else, is that a child will result out of this and I may have to consider getting an abortion. Instead, there are people who are focused on how I should make sure this guy puts a label on the relationship or whatever. Personally, I guess, we both felt that dealing with a potential pregnancy was the most important thing and how we would handle it if one happened because we know that birth control isn’t 100% effective. I have said before that he is very responsible and I really mean that. We have made sure to avoid doing things that could result in an unwanted pregnancy.

@AnonymousWoman That nobody here mentioned the pregnancy and abortion issue?

It is just surprising to me that this seemed to concern nobody. Instead, there were those who were focused on assuming the guy was a jerk who didn’t care about me. I’ve asked 3 questions relating to this situation on here very recently, so I’m referring to more than just responses to this question. I think you’ve been fine, though. And not everyone jumped to the conclusion that he only cared about me for sex, which I am grateful for. I’ll get back to some of the other things you said in a bit. I need time to collect my thoughts for a moment and have them processed. I’m considering everything everyone is saying. I also found this thread that I’m reading for more opinions on FWB situations.

@AnonymousWoman

Ask them what Jesus would do? haha
Hmmm…if Jesus forgave murderers, prostitutes and thieves, well….
I feel for your predicament. My daughter is 24 and has been living with her boyfriend for 2 years now and her grandma on her dads side still refused to include him in family events. Until she realized that if she ever wanted to see her grand daughter again she had better loosen up. It took time, but he is now included in family events.

@AnonymousWoman Take it from another young woman who has a controlling family. Do what is right for you because your life is only yours to live. With that said, be smart about it. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re totally dependent on someone else. Pregnancy isn’t so magical that it can’t be prevented, so use whatever birth control technique you see fit if you have sex with a guy. You can’t go wrong following your heart and making intelligent decisions along the way. In my opinion, people who are wrong and don’t care to listen to reason don’t need to be appeased, and this includes family. Good luck :)

@AnonymousWoman No one mentioned pregnancy because you are 22. If you were a young teenager people would. Actually, all these answers would be a little different if you were still in high school. It’s very rare to get pregnant if you consistently use birth control. Consistently. You can’t just not use the condom this one time, because if that is the day you ovulate, that is the day that counts 100%. If you are on the pill, as long as you take it correctly it is almost impossible to get pregnant. It happens once in a very blue moon, but extremely rare.

You moving has nothing to do with whether you are having sex, you already have sex. Generally speaking adults have sex, especially in romantic relationships. Wait till your married sounded good when people were getting married in their teens and young twenties, but now people pursue educations and careers and marriage happens a little later.

@JLeslie Thanks for clearing that all up. That makes more sense now. And no, we don’t have that much sex. By that, I mean of the penetration variety. That is probably why I’m so worried about it. Also, it seems like almost every time I log into Facebook, there is a new girl pregnant that I knew from school or somwhere else. It’s really frustrating how there are so many women where I live having babies and the father left or the fathers seem to only stay out of duty because they don’t want to be known as that deadbeat Dad.

@AnonymousWoman When you say not of the penetration kind, and are surprised no one brings up pregnancy, that red flags me that you don’t use protection, that you are possibly in some denial that you have or might have sex. Basically most of us here in the collective (fluther) would probably worry that this is why girls do get pregnant. Naive, unrealistic, and not savvy about these things. No one tells another adult, “aren’t you afraid of getting pregnant?” No one I know. Are the friends you mention who are getting pregnant raised in strict Christian homes also? That is who is having babies around me out of wedlock; Christians who do irresponsible things. Don’t really understand how their bodies work, don’t know all their birth control options, don’t want to believe they are having sex, not prepared with birth control before they are in the situation, because supposedly they don’t have sex.

Sure non Christians get pregnant too, and there are Christians who are very responsible on the matter, but there is a tremendous amount of head in the sand behavior among Christians on the topic. Including trying to block sex education in schools in America, I don’t know about Canada. I guess since some of the public schools in Canada are religious, there might be limited sex ed in those schools, and in your circles very limited conversation about sex out in the open.

@JLeslie Yes, my father’s religion definitely plays into this. He did not used to view marriage as so important. He used to not even see the point of it. This was before he became a Christian. He has had sex before he was married himself, which is evidenced in the fact that my oldest brother was born before my parents got married.

With my friend, it would only be temporary. For a year. Even if I don’t live with him, he feels like it would be a good thing for me to move out (say, living with one of my female friends or other roommates). If I moved out with a female friend, that would probably be better. One of my female friends has even told me that if she ever has to have a roommate, it would be me. She’s also planning to move out due to reasons beyond her control (which so conveniently happens to be after the year with this guy is up).

Yeah. Well, that is part of his intentions. Another part of it is that rent is expensive and he originally wanted to live alone, but decided he only wanted me for a roommate for some reason or other if he had to have one. But I don’t think that’s necessarily just because he is a guy. I seem to have this effect on people. I have two other close (female) friends who expressed an interest in living with me, too. It’s not like I can’t find a roommate. He is just the one I would be most comfortable with and the one who would be most convenient for the time frame, if only my parents wouldn’t judge the situation so much if they knew.

Yes, he does believe he is doing what is best for us.

He knows I don’t consider myself a Christian anymore already because two of my siblings creeped my account on another website and found out I had questions doubting faith. At least one of them told him about that and then he confronted me later and told me that he can handle being told the truth and that if I thought Christianity was wrong, I didn’t have to pretend I was a Christian to make him happy. He was clearly saddened that I doubted the Bible, though, and seemed to be disappointed in my feelings about that.

I do want to leave, but I’m not really exactly sure how to do this. I am 22 years old and feel like a loser that I still live with my parents. Also, there are guys who have judged me for listening to my parents too much. Certain ex-boyfriends have attacked me for this and they are not the only ones. There are guys who seem to think that me living with my parents and trying to follow their rules when I do gives them a right to treat me like a child. I am supposed to be home before 8 or 9 p.m. and need to ask permission to go to other people’s places. I’m not allowed to drink or smoke or do drugs (which are fine, really. I don’t do any of these things), but this seems to make people judge me for some reason and view me as weird. Mainly the drinking thing. There are so many things where I could not even relate to people my age because I wasn’t allowed to participate in them when I was younger. I feel like in a way, if I moved out, I would have more freedom to finally be myself and not have to feel guilty for being normal. I do think you gave good advice in suggesting being considerate.

Birth control is a difficult subject for me because I grew up being taught it was wrong and have received mixed messages about it throughout my life. If I took BC pills, I can see my Dad flushing them down the toilet.

@Facade Thank you. :)

@Coloma I appreciate hearing your story!

@AnonymousWoman Ok, whew, there is a lot here.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not drinking, not drugging, and not having sex, in fact, I would advise you not to cave into influences of drinking or doing any drugs. It is a waste of money, you risk addiction, health risks, and there is no need to have to drink to be social and have a good time. I don’t drink, I am not Christian, and it is not against my religion to drink. All that money my friends spend on getting drunk, I get to spend on being financially stable, on travel and other great things.

I would say the likelihood you will get pregnant is pretty high. You take too much risk from what I can tell. There is a saying, “if you are not preventing you are trying.” having sex without orotection is basically trying to get pregnant. Sure you can rhythm method, I did it for a couple years, but I was married, it was ok if I did get pregnant by accident, I had a partner who was 100% on board with this plan, and I knew exactly when I ovulated. But, realistically using rhythm is birth control, so why not use real birth control and not have a mistake happen that will be a bad situation. You cannot trust or rely on any of the men you have mentioned to make sure you have protected sex.

Do not feel like a loser for still living with your parents! You are only 22 and you were raised to stay home. My BIL lived at home until his mid 30’s. I have other friends well into their 20’s. But, they were all free to live as adults, no curfews, spent the night out sometimes, etc.

If you want to leave, save save save, get with a girlfriend whom you like, and find an apartment together. Start your life not running from something, but walking towards something. You can do this. Put your mind to it, figure out the money and make a plan. You will feel better if you take control.

I really think some therapy could help you. I don’t think you are crazy or anything, but I fear you are struggling with self confidence, very common among us girls, and are kind of sorting through figuring out who you are and what you want. I also really fear you gettng entagled with a bad guy and repeating some of the abuse you live with from your father in a spouse, watch out for that.

I do think once you are out of your parents home some of it will sort out on its own. You will feel freer. I don’t mean free to be reckless, I mean free to live your life.

You are at one of the toughest times in life, it is very stressful for everyone just starting as an adult, trying to figure everything out. You are not alone.

My family is pretty religious and of course I don’t want them to think badly of me, but I also have a very keen sense of self and lots of confidence.

I lived with 2 men before I married, my family didn’t say much about it but expressed their feelings very passive-aggressively.

When I met my husband we dated for a year, were engaged for a year (& traveled together, it’s important trust me) and then lived together a year. At that point, I prayed that God would let me know if I was doing the right thing (I was feeling the guilt) and one week later my husband won the lottery enabling us to marry quickly.

If I were to give an opinion to another woman, I would say wait as long as you can, but if it feels right, you have to do what you want with your life. Living with a man is very difficult and the first one I was with was slightly abusive and it was hard to get out of. Be very careful whom you put your complete trust in and has a key to the place you live.