Is love enough or is money important?

I think first of all you simply cannot put a value on genuine love and care and even though money is of course important I would rather be poor and know 110% that I was loved and cared about than anything else.

Money does help with a number of situations but in some instances I have always felt that some people think throwing money at something will cure it and it gets to the point that they do not even think about it or understand what they are throwing their money at as it is impulsive. If he or she does not have this then at least to me it means they put in more thought and the love and care can feel more personal in nature.

Love should come before money in my book.

The lack of ambition however would have an effect on me loving someone. But that’s really up to you to decide what makes you love a person.

Love is the true key, but these days if he/she can’t help provide you with a decent living it isn’t going to work. Cold hard facts of life now.

I suppose it depends on which you love more.

For me, I’d stay. I’ve always gotten more from love than I have from money.

I used to believe that love was more important than money, but I no longer feel that way. Call it being a realistic and mature person. I have opted out of the dating scene the last handful of years but no, I would not date a flat broke man at 50 something years of age. WTF?

Like “they” say, it’s just as easy to find a rich guy as a poor one and while I live a fairly simple life I do not want to carry another person financially. Hell no! It’s one thing to not be able to afford a 5k vacation but it is entirely another to not be able to afford to even buy me a coffee or go to a movie. Being financially compatible is every bit as important as love.
I adjust my spending habits according to my situation but…I despise cheap skates.
Actually what’s even worse, IMO, is a person that has plenty of money and is still a tight wad. Bah humbug!

Money is a tool and I like being a generous person, so I want a generous partner, nothing over the top, I could care less about diamonds and Mercedes, but yes, if a man can’t afford to share a weekend get away or take me out once in awhile, forget it. lol

@Coloma I hear you, it could be an age thing, where you realize times can get tough without money. Plus also battling for a while on my own for e.g. As you say you meet a guy of 50 and wonder why he has nothing. But in all fairness, I had loads and lost it all. But I did once. Plus I did try before having it to lose it!! Still I would choose love every-time. I have always done so. Oddly though when the love went it is as hard as when the money has gone. So it’s a catch 22. But some love stays, it could be like an investment, where you bank a little everyday to ensure it stays and grows. I have also met many rich men that are as stingy as they come.

@Shippy Yes, same here. I have had more than plenty and times are getting lean for me again too in this insane economy, but, having had and then lost is not the same as never having had. lol Yes, nothing worse than a miserly rich man…gah! Ya can’t t take it with you and my motto is ” being of sound mind I plan on spending all my money while I am still ALIVE!” and, I almost have! haha

If this person carried the domestic responsibilities (those of the traditional stay-at-home mom and housewife) and the other partner earned wages and they were both happy with that, why not?

The domestic engineer is a job like anything else; the wage earner comes home to a clean house, laundry, meals, and perhaps even car maintenance and servicing. I would also throw in lawn care and snow shoveling.

Every loving partnership still functions in a cash economy.

@gailcalled Good point!

Yes, I agree with @gailcalled however, a woman or man that makes themselves entirely financially dependent on another is at a high risk should the relationship fail. However, it is true that work is work, even if one is not getting a paycheck for it.

I think it depends on your situation. I think when you are starting out and you both have nothing, love matters and teamwork matters and ability to take care of yourselves matters. Part of taking care of yourself is doing work that helps the couple, whether it is paid or not. You have to help build the family.

Later on, it is not so necessary to build the family if you have already accumulated resources. But it is still necessary to make a contribution in some way. You have to help support and strengthen the relationship. You can do this emotionally, or physically, or with work, and also with money. But if you don’t make any contribution to the unit, except for love, then I think there is a problem. Perhaps you are sick. But perhaps you are lazy or mentally ill. If those things are true, you need to work on them. You don’t have to make money, but you do have to work on improving your health, or else I’d say there is a problem.

I would not want to be involved with someone who takes, takes, takes and contributes nothing except love. In fact, I’d question whether that love means anything if they are unable to contribute in any other way. It’s not about making money, but it is about contributing to the relationship. If both people don’t feel there is a balance in terms of contribution, then the relationship will have problems. Relationships must feel balanced or people get bent out of shape.

Reminds me of a song by The Veronicas. “Luv luv luv, all you need is luv you say… Well I say, you need money too.”

Just kidding. I think love is the most important thing. You can’t judge people over their monetary situation. Well, you can, but it doesn’t seem fair. Obviously, needless to say, money is beneficial. But love should be unconditional. To throw in a Bible quote: “Love endures all things.”

Well at 21 love IS the most important thing, at 51, money trumps love. haha
I did the young and poor lover gig in my first marriage, and I am one of the smart ones in that I have learned that no matter how much you may love someone, a pot of stone soup is not a satisfying meal.
Once you’ve fallen off the turnip truck of fantasy, you want real veggies in your soup pot, and real veggies take money. Love does NOT endure all things. If it did there would not be a 60% divorce rate. lol

I always joke to my husband that if anything happens to him next time I’m marrying for money.

But in all seriousness, love is of course the most important to me. Money comes and goes as life changes, but the steady love for another person is what makes it all worthwhile. I define love as ‘someone who I love enough to change their diapers when they’re old’ or I wouldn’t ever marry, luckily I found that one guy who makes all the struggles worth it.

I have lots of medical bills because of his health and I work every day, for personal reason that kind of relate to this subject, we also chose not to have children. For me, it’s worth it.

My grandma told me once that it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man however so if you are in a position to choose (love doesn’t usually give us that option however) you could think about that. Although what if the poor man wins the lottery the next day or the rich man loses everything the next day….interesting question.

Both are important, but when you’re in a situation where your basic needs are not being met, money is going to need to trump love.

It’s not money that’s important. It’s willingness to work hard. That’s all you can ask. If you demand money, then you aren’t in a love relationship. You are in an economic relationship. Of course, for most of human history, marriage has been about economics, not love, so that is normal, except for the past century or so in the developed world.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction; a man who chases money will never have a problem catching women, but a man who chases women will always have a problem catching money. Freddie Mercury said it best in a song, “Funny how love comes tumbling down when out of money”. No matter how much in love you are the strain of too little money will tackle it at the knees. I have seen more so-called “perfect” relationships start sliding South because of too little feta, bucks, dinero, clams, smackers, bread, etc. When you have resentment over your mate because they spent money on something that should be a non-starter like an extra beer or some cosmetics, etc, because now you can’t pay a bill or fill the car up, it is hard for a relationship to survive that strain. If you are just making it and it falls on one person the other will see as not doing enough or pulling their weight. The person doing all the work will see themselves not having any quality of life because they can’t take off doing the day and go to the park, or play cards with friends, etc because they have to work, because their pay keeps the ship listing (they can never have enough to fly right) so if they can’t get something because the other bought extra and not only does it jeopardize a bill but even if it didn’t it robed the person who earned it a chance at something extra or a bill will suffer; “ding, ding” the fight is on. It might be just as bad to be in a relationship where you can give each other Lamborghinis with diamond clad shift knobs just because but there is no love in it, but at least you would be far more comfortable and have far more distractions. If you are poor you can’t go on a solo cruise all you have is being stuck in the house arguing with each other over roman noodles and Spam.

Depends. I think money is very important in our society. It gives us safety, autonomy, heathcare, and more. I think of it in terms of a family unit. If I earned a great living and my spouse took care of the home, planning, etc, as long as responsibilities were shared I think it is fine. I would not want to be dependent on the state in a significant way, I think we feel better when we can earn our own way, assuming everyone is healthy and able to work.

I think if our money goals were very different it would be very difficult to make the reationship work. Not so much who earns it, but how it is saved and spent. Again, it has to be an agreement of the couple, how they divide up who earns and all the jobs that need to get done is their business.

But, I would have to feel my spouse is contributing somehow. I think it is a matter of respect, I respect a strong work ethic, and see it as part of integrity to share in responsibilities.

For me personally, when I work (I haven’t worked for 3 years) I don’t earn a ton of money, but I earn enough to support mhself, and even both my husband and I if we cut back on some things. If he wanted to quit his job and have me go back to work so he could focus on a new business or education I would do it, but I don’t think I would feel good about him just doing all the household chores, and that is part of the reason I sometimes feel bad about me not working. I think because of my gender I kind of get away with it, but it still feels a little like cheating.

As far as if I were divorced or God forbid my husband died and I was in the market again eventually to date, financial stability would be a consideration for me. If a man in his 40’s + has little savings, debt, no long term financial plan, and trouble holding a job I doubt I would be very attracted to him. He certainly doesn’t have to be a millionaire by a long shot, but some sort of responsibility regarding money would matter to me.

If I loved him that much, I would not let the money bother me, but to be honest, I would not start a relationship with someone who made minimum wage. I have seen how difficult it is to be poor and I have no intention of intentionally going down that path. I saw my mom struggle to live on her social security check and she had a house that was paid for and children that occasionally helped her out. She couldn’t sleep at night because she was so worried about her financial situation (and she was frugal, trust me).

If someone loves another enough, they will find ways to support them. That support might not be in the form of 600 channel cable, a fancy house, and a corner office on the top floor of a skyscraper.. but it will be support nonetheless.

Money might make the world go ‘round .. but it doesn’t make the sun shine.

A short poem by Yuan Chen

We joked, long ago, about one of us dying,
But suddenly, before my eyes, you are gone.
Almost all your clothes have been given away;
Your needlework is sealed, I dare not look at it. . . .
I continue your bounty to our men and our maids -
Sometimes, in a dream, I bring you gifts.
. . . This is a sorrow that all mankind must know -
But not as those know it who have been poor together.

I don’t require lots of fancy things in this life, but I do require a mate that has a little ambition. If he’s happy to sit on his ass all day playing the Wii that the money from my paycheck bought while I go out and work it’s a deal breaker. If he’s content living in the house in which I pay a mortgage, electricity, cable and buy the food for while he does nothing, that is a deal breaker as well.

Love goes two ways – it’s not all about giving it. And if the person you’re with doesn’t at least try to contribute to the standard of living that you both enjoy, and is more than willing to sit by watching you kill yourself trying to make a living for both of you, then that person really doesn’t care about you much.

In my opinion Love can be enough, but of course someone has to pay the bills! ;) My husband and I got Married when we were 18 and 20 and are about to celebrate our 17th Anniversary. Through it all Love is what has gotten us through the hardest of times. There were times when he had trouble finding work and I supported us both financially and vice versa from time to time. It really all depends on your partner I think. If you have that kind of love then the person who isnt working wants to make sure that they are taking care of things for the spouse who works, just like that spouse is happy to go out and bring home the bacon to their loving mate at home. It has alot I feel to do with a persons character as well. Some people just want nice things. Honestly and sadly I also feel that that sometimes Blinds you to that person who would love you more than anything… because your too busy looking the other way for things that ultimatley, don’t matter. I can’t take the things I buy in this life with me when I die, but the love that my husband and I have for eachother will last forever in the minds and hearts of those that knew us. Even after all these years, I could find myself living in a cardboard box on the streets of NY scrounging for food tomorrow and as long as he was there with me, holding my hand, It wouldn’t matter a lick to me.
Love all the way.

Love don’t pay bills, buy groceries or secure a place to live. Fuck em. Move on.

I could not love someone with no real ambition. Plus for a real long term relationship, money will be a factor though not necessarily a necessity if the couple are mutually in synch with their financial concerns.

I married a pauper but then so was I. As for ambition, it was necessary. Not because I wanted to roll in dough, but because we wanted to have a family and I knew you can’t raise a child on love alone. I would’ve never married anyone without any goals in life but to live off of welfare. I believed in working for a living and not getting hand outs. And that is what we did.
Anyone who thinks love is all you need to survive in this world is still a child and should never enter in a relationship until they grow up.
Love rely’s on respect and when a person sees their child is starving or can’t see a doctor because the love of their life is too busy and lazy and watching football or soaps all day instead of seeking employment. Well then… you will see love fly out of the window. At some point a person is going to look for proof of love back, and real love is unselfish. A person who won’t work to make the people they love secure, only loves themselves.

I wanted to add that age matters. When I was in my early 20’s I married a man who was making about the same amount of money as me, more or less $25k a year. We weren’t poor in my mind, we were just starting out. I saw in him a work ethic, a sense of resposibility, and integrity. I had no idea how much he would go on to make in his career, but I felt sure he would do whatever he needed to do to have food and shelter; that his pride would not get in the way of doing a job to support himself. He, like me, didn’t have debt, except for a lease on a car (I would have looked at college loan debt as different than other credit card debt, but it happened neither of us had college loans). I think if we had never made much more money than the $50k combined we would have been just fine. My point is, at age 23 having almost nothing in the bank, making a modest salary, and not owning much if anything, is not the same as a 45 year old in the same situation. I guess $25k is not exactly pauper, but it isn’t marrying for money either.

@JLeslie Great point as age and responsibilities IMO do add to the equation. I can look back and as my responsibilities increased so did my income. I don’t think that was a coincidence either. Once I had my first son though, that is when things did get interesting as so much of your attention is now diverted to the child and that singular love you had for each other up to that point is now divided and the added costs of a child become a focal point that can further stress test your love. Living paycheck to paycheck with all the new and unexpected expenses of a kid or two I recall really changed the way we looked at money on our lives and each other. Not only did we have to change the way we managed our finances but now our time spent with each other had to be managed like a check book and balancing our time spent alone was as difficult as balancing a stressed check book!

@Cruiser Interestingly my SIL once said to me that she wanted her kids to have nice things so they would be ambitious to have those things themselves. I had been more geared towards kids who have many expensive things can get spoiled and take things for granted. But, I do see that part of the reason my husband is ambitious is because he wants to buy and afford the “things” he likes. It’s similar to earning more because one has a child, in only that it goes with what you said about earning more to afford new desires or responsibilities. I tend to think in the reverse, earn more money and then buy what you want or have all the children you want and can afford, but maybe it works the reverse to some extent? Have a child or desire to have a racing hobby, and find a way to afford it.

@JLeslie My SIL has a son who also likes to race carts and I witness first hand how much of a burden that investment in carts, motors, trailers and of course time has impacted their marriage. She says their only quality time together is now in the car and sitting under the pop-up shelter track side!

@Cruiser That would suck. My husband only races 3–4 times a year. He instructs at our local track, that happens twice a year, once in a blue moon he puts his own car on the local track. Sometimes the weekends really are enjoyable for me like a vacation. Road America in WI is one of those tracks, I love the town of Elkhart Lake, and going out to Sheboygan. I enjoy the FL tracks too, we get to see family and friends and I love being back in FL (but the drive is crazy long). If the racing was every other weekend for my child and a great financial burden I would not be happy about it. I guess if he was on the road to becoming a professional race car driver I would be more inclined to make the sacrifice, but it would be a sacrifice, not all fun and happiness. It would be similar to a young person looking for a career in some other sport they excelled at. Sometimes they can go to a live-in situation at a particular location part of the year or part of the week, I would probably consider that. It would depend on the situation.

@JLeslie They do race a lot and it does keep them close together for the race season. My BIL is an expert engineer mechanic and once he got the right setup his son is a leading driver on the circuit and is winning most races he doesn’t get taken out on by another driver. So I would not be at all surprised if he goes on to bigger and better venues when he turns 16 next year.

@Cruiser Well, it is almost over then, he is already moving into his late teens and will be on his own soon, and the parents can go back to working on, or enjoying, being a happy couple.

@JLeslie yes and save up money for next spring! :)