Why have jellies left Fluther?
Asked by
Sunny2 (
18852
)
September 17th, 2012
Do you have personal knowledge of why people have left Fluther? Without any hint of whom you speak, could you tell us?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
91 Answers
No longer having the time to spend here is sure to be one of them. A new job, a new baby.
some people drift through our lives, some are passing on their way to somewhere else, some only need a few answers, and some (like me) you can’t drive off with a stick.
Some people tire of the jellies turning on them for daring to think differently.
Some have been asked to leave (or banned outright) because they got too far out of line too many times. Sometimes those infractions occurred behind the scenes rather than publicly.
I know of one, for example, who seemed to be popular with a vocal following. I think that jelly’s fans would have been shocked to know the abusive, destructive language this person showered on a very vulnerable member (who also departed). My fingers twitched every time I saw someone post “I miss so-and-so,” but I didn’t say anything. The one I missed was the almost unremarked victim of the hostile jelly’s diatribes.
It’s fascinating how so many can have the wool pulled over their eyes so readily.
Then there are the people who leave because they can’t stomach the public abuse they receive. There is the constant troll of “troll, troll, troll” that seems to drive away many an innocent whose only crime is not speaking English well and thus seeming to express points of view that sound ridiculous. Not a lot of people seem to try to understand what people are really like. First impressions, you know.
I can’t speak to others but with myself it’s largely a combination of time and cycle. Time is a major issue particularly when traveling or the occasional interesting bit of work comes along. Cycle is usually a matter of seeing the same questions, or feeling like I’ve typed the same answers, over and over and over and… you get the point, or it’s just time to move on for a bit.
I heard of one user who was banned because of fraud. There is another one missing who may have passed away. Several left to join another, similar group – by invitation only. Mostly, though, they just get tired of the same ol, same ol and move on.
Impossible to say without the inside scoop. I can only speak for myself.
Reasons I would leave:
Boredom
A wantonly abusive member that was not removed or seriously disciplined
A more demanding work schedule
Sickness or death
Fluther goes belly up lol
Reasons I wouldn’t leave.
Petty disagreements with hypersensitive neurotics
Being modded—take responsibility peeps!—
I speak of me: I’ve been more or less gone for a long time because I couldn’t afford home internet service (I’m at work now… he he…) But I’m back now, because I have a job and the ability to get online regularly.
I don’t even know who most of these posts are referring to, which I guess shows my level of involvement as of late…
People leave for a variety of reasons… they go away to college or graduate from it, they start med school or a new job, get sick or we really hope not die, retire and decide to travel the world, have a baby or three, get bored, get pissed off, just need a break, or get kicked out. As @Jeruba notes, several of the folks that ‘everyone misses’ have been banned for really bad behavior that occured behind the scenes. Except for the banned ones, I’m always sad to see them go. And it thrills me when people who’ve been gone for a long stretch turn up again!
I am sure there is something to say about all of the above reasons. But to the extent that I know any former jellies, and to the extent that my observations are valid.. in my opinion it is the following:
On Fluther, you are treated with empathy and respect as long as you
-Believe that human beings are nature’s blight on the Earth, and they are determined to destroy it, and in fact they are busy committing suicide by frying the Earth for a profit that I guess they will never enjoy because they will be cinders. (Go figure)
-Believe that anybody who did not vote for Pres Obama is racist, a wingnut or both
-Believe that Christians are retrograde idiots.(Muslims, however, who believe in the same non existent God are OK)
-Believe that there is a fixed supply of wealth, and The Rich stole all of it, thus creating The Poor.
-Believe that one’s need is a legitimate moral claim on another’s ability to satisfy it.
Etc. etc. plus one must buy into myriad Marxist, Collectivist, Anti Industrial excuses for personal incompetence and failure to adapt to progress and change.
If one does NOT believe any or all of these things, one is subjected to one level of abuse or another, including occasional special scrutiny from Mods.
Most people understandably dislike this, so they go someplace else. I don’t blame them.
I hang around because I sort of like the action. I’ve seen much worse, so to me it really is not a problem.
Note. I understand that part of the above is being critical. For the record, I forgive the occasional high school kid and college sophomore who innocently buy into the de riguer tidepool standard. The key word there is innocent.
Hmm. I think I just remembered why I haven’t been coming on here as of late…see if you can figure out why ;)
Sigh. I can’t tell you how many times people have accused the mods of unfairly targeting those with a conservative bent. It is simply not true. I guarantee you that our most modded members are all of the liberal persuasion. I got modded myself, just two weeks ago! We seriously do not care what your political beliefs are, we only care if what you’re posting meets our guidelines. Period.
Geez… I had to do it boss!! :D
I can’t be the only one who feels that the whole “Q &A” thing is really just a good pretext for connecting with reflective people and getting some positive social feedback. That’s what keeps me here. I can totally understand how if someone saw little sign that they would ever be able to find acceptance or inclusion, there’d be little motivation to hang on (unless they just get a kick out of yanking peoples’ chains).
Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Some people leave, or are asked to leave, because they are found out to be trolls; whether they speak English well or not, is not a factor in those decisions.
Some people leave because they don’t like the answers that they receive, for a multitude of reasons. Some people don’t like hearing the ugly/painful truth. Some people don’t like getting similar answers from the majority of the Jellies who chose to answer their Q. They might prefer different fake answers, so they go in search of fake answers, elsewher. Some people don’t want to have to do the work to solve their problems and they get angry when other Jellies give them the solution. Some people leave because they want to be told that they are special and a pink unicorn is waiting for them, and then nobody tells them that.
Some people leave because they ask the same question, multiple times, with slight differences, and then get pissed off when they’re called out on it.
Some people, apparently, say horrible things to other members, in PM’s and get asked to leave, but the mods are required to “enforce the laws” about such behavior. It really gives me the “blues” when I hear about such things. I think I’ll go and eat a “donut”. Those kind of douche bags probably think they’re wearing a “badge” of courage when they treat other members so poorly. But I think it’s downright “criminal”!
Some people leave because they are unable to come up with any logical or concrete reasons to support their beliefs and they get pissed off at Jellies who ask them to provide credible information or proof.
And I suspect that some people leave because, like with the movie Julie and Julia, they want to go into their kitchen and attempt to cook every single recipe I’ve ever posted. LOL.
@Kardamom I could go missing for your last reason!
I get modded all the time, and I have yet to see a troll. The mods get them really fast, long before I get to see them, and I’m here a lot. It’s really weird. I don’t understand who the trolls are. It seems like @josie is far more annoying than most jellies, and there are a few others like him, but I would never have them banned, if it was up to me. People keep assuring me the trolls are horrible; just horrible. But I have seen nothing bothersome so far, and you’d think I would, as often as I am here.
That’s why I think people are being banned unnecessarily. But I’ll never know.
1. They’ve decided it’s time to move on.
2. They’re simply too busy.
3. They’re very ill.
4. They don’t like the bullying that goes on.
I can think of a few:
1) Got bullied for thinking differently (not politics or religion either; just in general) , was just too sick and tired of it to bother sticking around, and left just as they have left many other forums.
2) Had many Conservative political ideas, but (again) got sick of abuse and arguing.
3) Could not handle not being able to ask >200 questions a day.
4) Just too busy; work had them traveling and grinding too hard to make the time.
@wundayatta You have been modded 4 times in the last month, which is probably more than you were modded in the last 6 months combined. I don’t know why you think you get modded all the time, because you don’t. Some people get modded 10 times as often as you! Also, the fact that you’ve never seen a serious troll is testament to the fact that we do our jobs very well. They do exist, I assure you.
Sorry, @augustlan, but I don’t, but there is no information about why you make the decisions yous do, so it is hard for a skeptic to accept your word about trolls and other moderation decisions. Other mods say “trust me,” there are lots of trolls. But that’s the oldest gambit in the book. Create a big bogey man and then promise protection. That’s what has led to more police states than you can count.
Fluther isn’t like that. It isn’t a police state. It has no interest in becoming one. SO there is no reason not to be transparent about the process of making decisions about who stays and who goes.
And as you say, I’ve been modded a lot more lately. Far more than I ever was. But I’m no different. Your moderators are making more and more questionable calls about me. Unnecessarily so. If there is any doubt, they should let something stand. It is entirely unnecessary, as far as I can tell, to be so hardass. Unless there is a secret change in interpretation of the rules.
Look at your data. Something has clearly changed in the way you are moderating. You may not be aware of it, but I am suffering because of it, and I think the whole website is suffering. You are creating a culture where people will second guess themselves and say less than they want to say because they have no idea how to predict what you will do.
Maybe to you, getting moderated is nothing, but it is huge to me. I hate it! Especially when it is inexplicable. You know, I didn’t leave years ago when I said things that deserved moderation, even though I took it badly. But now, I’m taking the moderation well and not reacting emotionally. Instead I’m being quite calm about it. But I tell you it is very unpleasant. I hope you will consider this and reevaluate yourselves and your decisions. I think it will be simple to solve the problem. Just ratchet it back a bit.
@wundayatta We’ve had some of this discussion in private, but I will address it publicly since you insist on continually bringing it up. The way we mod has not changed. You seem to be in a cycle of posting irreverent things in the General Section. You might want to think about why that is.
We know how upset you are when you get moderated (how on earth could we not?), but we can’t help that. If something should go, by our guidelines, it will go… no matter how much is upsets you.
I don’t know any reasons anyone else has had for leaving.
I’ve gone on hiatus a couple of times. I think mainly it’s a result of feeling __ganged up on__, sometimes including mods. I think I come back because there are questions I know people here can answer quickly and authoritatively. I also come back when I have odd questions that there is just no where else I can get answers, things about people’s experience in the real world. Ironically, those seem to engender the most friction; people want to lecture me on some assumed point I’m trying to make when mostly I’m just curious.
I think I’ve been modded a lot less recently. May have something to do with my improved facility with the backspace key.
@augustlan I appreciate you modding me when I skip meals, drink whiskey, and post. Rarely do I wake up with a question that needs editing and not appreciate your timely intervention.
@wundayatta Being moderated five, six, or ten times per month is really not that much. You have posted over 25,000 replies over your time at Fluther (roughly 4 years). This gives an average number of replies per month of about 536. Even if 4 of your replies do get moderated per month (as @augustlan said), your posts go un-modded over 99.25% of the time.
I have a genuine feeling of dread at the possibility of a few jellies that may have passed on.
I know I can’t name names, but some of you may know who I mean. I truly worry for them.
Response moderated
I expend about the same amount of verbiage that Wundayatta does, only from a completely different perspective. I try very hard to respect the guidelines set forth by Fluther. Just for the record, I’ve only been modded once or twice and that was way back at the beginning of my time on the site.
I don’t feel like I have to censor myself, but I do write in a way that embraces the Fluther guidelines.
I don’t want to be modded off, so I edit my responses, carefully, before I post. But I make sure that I am saying exactly what I mean and need to say, otherwise I say nothing at all.
[mod says] We’re allowed to mention people, as long as it’s not a negative mention. However, I did remove the post that contained a link to the member’s Facebook page.
I miss and worry about cak and WTF, too. :(
Sometimes people just need a break. Sometimes it is really that simple.
Sometimes you get all your answers and there is less to ask.
Sometimes you get fed up reading the same craptastic posts by the same people year after year.
@FutureMemory I agree. So I just skip those posts when I see the certain avatars that make me cringe.
@wundayatta
It seems like @josie is far more annoying than most jellies, and there are a few others like him…
Regarding my previous comment-
Couldn’t have made my own point better than that.
Need I say more?
@chyna: An adage to live by.
@josie: Need I say more? Thanks for volunteering to be silent.
A lot of people also grow more than tired of jellies whose sole mission in their Fluther life appears to be baiting and bullying Auggie and the mods. That was, in fact, one of my reasons for previously abandoning ship. A newbie acting like that, I can understand, but not a seasoned user who, for some godforsaken reason, garners GAs for their bullying behavior and frequent bursts of insanity.
Hear, hear! Thanks, @WillWorkForChocolate, well said.
The same goes for those with a divided mission whose other aim is an endless bid for sympathy as an expression of an insatiable appetite for attention and acceptance.
@Jeruba: ^^^ That’s a sentence to be proud of. (I wish I had written it.)
On Fluther there can be people who intensely dislike or like you. Their opinions of you might not even be in the same ballpark as your own opinions of yourself—so it can be hard to reconcile their views with yours, in a textual environment. The difference between Fluther and IRL is— people on Fluther will tell you if they don’t like you, directly or indirectly, while IRL people tend to be a tad more polite. If several feel the same way about one jelly, it becomes an agreement and the agreements sometimes can get out of hand.
I know there are jellies that really don’t like me- they’ve made it clear in their replies. I might not know exactly why I’m not liked by one jelly or another, but one thing Fluther did teach me was not to take it personal and move on. Often I’ll find that after some time, and on a different thread, we can become amiable again. That’s the great part—sometimes the dislike can become something else over time.
I know one jelly left because he felt the discourse here had become too wishy washy and inane. That was his view—he’s entitled to that. Another left because he felt like 3 specific jellies attacked every single things he said, no matter what it was, and wasn’t interested anymore. Another left because she felt Fluther was way over her head—too intellectual, too many unspoken assumptions she couldn’t catch, etc. Another (LukeFonFabre) loved Fluther but died in a car accident.
Some, like me, have times when all I want to do is read, not reply. I’m sure there are some jellies still around, reading, but for whatever reason, they’re not replying.
@WillWorkForChocolate “some godforsaken reason, garners GAs for their bullying behavior and frequent bursts of insanity”
Doesn’t that give you a reason to think, “Maybe there are more people who have a problem with the way things are run?” It’s the rare jelly who never complains about anything (and I don’t just mean on the site.) Maybe people leave because they have difficulty adjusting to what they see as __arbitrary__ enforcement of the rules. We can all improve, can’t we? Why line up against dissenters when as you point out they have supporters. I look at @chyna‘s comment above – apparently it’s not enough to use the button to issue a “good answer.” I see this a lot when the “inner circle” is spreading their feathers.
I still rankle about Auggie telling me, “Oh that’s not what the rules says, but there’s another unposted rule that we all know.” No, we don’t. And the closing ranks by the insiders is, from this outsider’s point of view, repulsive.
It’s like pubescent girls decrying the behavior of everyone not in their club as inferior. People are just different. Except the stupid ones. They really get on my nerves. And you know who you are. No, I take that back, you probably don’t have a clue, do you?
One more thing I need to say: I wouldn’t want Auggie’s job. It’s hard to keep everyone happy under the best of conditions, and a lot of the ease of use translates into hard to manage. I appreciate that even when I think she’s wrong, her tone is more than civil. The mods, too, are volunteers. I’m sure that sometimes they make calls out of pique or frustration or even ignorance. We all do.
God knows, I’ve had run-ins with @wundayatta. I’d just hope the organization I feel a part of had room for people who make a contribution, but often insist that their door frame belongs where there’s already a window. But yeah, mod his ass.
Let’s all calm down, and not pile on. Hugs for everyone, even @wundayatta. :)
A lot get tired of the political bullshit. Of all kinds. I know that I do.
I really don’t know who has left or why, whether they have left because they wanted to, or were subject to “involuntary separation;” as they say in corporate America. I haven’t been around much myself lately.
But this is kind of how Fluther is for me, for now: I haven’t really left Fluther, like some have, for one reason or another; I just haven’t been spending all that much time here lately, for my own reasons. I am finally “dealing with an issue” of mine ((how’s that for vague psychobabble?) and have been spending time on a site, on their chat and forum, where people are either dealing with the same issue or who have people in their lives who have the same “issue.”
I have also gotten just a little bit bored here lately. Not with Fluther, exactly, but with myself too. I may have finally, simply tired of hearing the sound of my own voice, and for those of you who know me … who could have seen that one coming? Me, finally, possibly, tiring of hearing the sound of my own voice?! :-)
I don’t believe in dramatic exits and goodbyes, “usercide” or burning my bridges, so I certainly will not be deleting my account and, though I occasionally misbehave, and can certainly get snappy and snarky sometimes, I don’t see myself completely blowing a gasket to the point where I would get banned from Fluther … I just can’t see that happening…
… this might just be a mood … this too may pass…
@augustlan
“Let’s all calm down, and not pile on…”
Really… Fluther has to be one of the nicest communities, one of the nicest places, on the web/internet…
…look at youtube … those youtube punks will tear you a new one just because, maybe, you didn’t necessarily think, that “The Cutest!!! Funniest!!! Kitten Video Ever!!!!!!!!!!” was the “The Cutest!!! Funniest!!! Kitten Video Ever!!!!!!!!!!”
@6rant6 Ummmm, no. It gives me reason to think that some people get GAs for undeserving BS, simply because of who they are and how long they’ve been here.
Aaaaand, I think I’ve gotten that out of my system, so I’m outta this one.
I know a few who left, some are close friends and told me why. Not gonna relay any of it in detail, but I am going to say that stuff like having too much work to do, being disinterested in Fluther and all doesn’t seem to be all that uncommon. Some people grow out and just feel that they have nothing else to do here anymore. C’est la vie, I guess.
I obviously have not been generating as much outright hostility towards myself and my opinions as I should have been because I really don’t feel the hate, maybe the annoyance and sarcasm sometimes, but not the hate. O.K. jellies! Stop being so passive aggressive! Don’t gossip behind my back! Let me have it; right to my face!
and @6rant6
You state above:
’“I still rankle about Auggie telling me, “Oh that’s not what the rules says, but there’s another unposted rule that we all know.”’
Did Auggie really say that to you? I don’t mean to imply that you are misrepresenting what @augustlan might have said but that just, really, doesn’t seem, at all,l like something Auggie would have said. She is, even when she doesn’t like it, when she has to impose the rules and community standards on her friends, even Ben and Jerry, I mean… Ben and Andrew, :-), all about the rules.
Maybe Auggie has been fooling me all this time, but I have never, ever known her to state or even to imply, that there is one set of rules for some members of the community and another set of rules for others. Perhaps it is that “inner circle” thing Obviously, I must not be so in with Auggie that she has even informed me that there is an “inner circle” for whom the rules are different. At least, apparently, if @augustlan did, indeed say that; Auggie considers you enough of a member of the “inner circle” to inform you that there is an “inner circle.” I certainly am not in her confidence enough to have had her explain that one to me.
But I am a member of the Illuminati and can trace my bloodline back to Jesus and Mary Magdalene … so watch your backs … just kidding … how could visit Fluther and not be a big smart ass?
@lillycoyote
@6rant6 is referring to a dispute we had about whether a question he asked belonged in the General Section or Social… and is paraphrasing me, rather badly. After several back and forth PMs about the matter, here is what I actually said:
There is just no way we can write a rule that covers every circumstance, but we do the best we can. In the section of the guidelines I referred you to, I was mostly pointing to this part, which gives you a pretty good idea of what is suitable for the General Section:
General Section
In the General Section, questions should be about getting a knowledgeable answer or having a thoughtful discussion. Some examples of questions suitable for the General Section:
What smart phone would you recommend?
How can we change the political system for the better?
Does bottled water expire?
How would I go about becoming a police officer?
Is the minimum wage in America enough to live on?
Generally speaking, this is not the appropriate place for dream interpretation, most relationship advice, fanciful hypotheticals or poll-type questions.
I also said, “I’m sorry this is upsetting you so much.”
Has anyone stopped to consider that Fluther even having a lengthy thread about why members leave says quite a lot about the site? For those with rocks for brains, it’s indicative of how special this place is.
Agreed, @FutureMemory – I’ve often said that for all its flaws, Fluther is a far cry above the alternative. I wouldn’t want to dive into the cesspool of Y!A for anything. But I’m a fan of Q&A sites, and have been an active member of one or another for seven or eight years now. Fluther is the most user-driven site I’ve ever been on, and Fluther is more concerned with keeping the experience smooth and fulfilling than even Answerbag (original version, the one that made me fall in love with social Q&A)
If Fluther were to change in that regard – to become a place where it is acceptable to answer questions with no thought or effort, where it’s okay to be blatantly offensive simply for the sake of pissing off strangers on the Internet, something precious will be lost to me personally. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I would miss Fluther dearly if it were gone. You guys have been there for me through so much, you don’t even know.
I will vanish some times if I am very busy, but I always come back. (I¡m like herpes in that regard)
Nice personal attack. I take back the nice things I said about you. Wonder why people are leaving? Do you really?
How is “he paraphrased me badly” a personal attack?
@6rant6: To quote a smart guy, “That is unkind.”
@6rant6 Where do you see a personal attack? If there is one, please flag it for us.
For me this raises a question within this one- how many jellies have left because their paraphrasing was criticized? ;-)
My parachuting was was criticized once.
I have been tempted from time to time when scolded by a thirteen-year old in language that is almost but not quite English.
You will have no end of scolding from me if you let an illiterate 13-year-old run you off, @gailcalled. Or a literate one, for that matter.
I get frustrated with Fluther from time to time (other members more than mods—I think I only got modded once or twice when I first got here and I don’t even remember what it was about). Sometimes, particularly when another QA site closes down and a herd of folk come to Fluther, I need to take breaks for a couple of weeks until they sort themselves out.
If there is a plethora of dream questions, google-able questions (which I no longer point out—oh wait a minute, I may be starting to remember how I got modded), “my boyfriend” questions, or other similar pablum, I will sit things out for a while until other folks get invigorated to start asking interesting questions again.
^^ But the boyfriend Q’s are much more entertaining that most sit-coms, don’t you think?
@6rant6 I take back the nice things I said about you.
What are you, 12?
I don’t know which jellies have left. I know I have checked out as of late and come here very rarely. I have no particular reason why other than it doesn’t do anything it used to do for me. It’s not about anyone in particular…sometimes, it’s time to move on. I don’t get as much out of it as I used to and I think that’s good, for me. I check in once in a while and wish everyone well.
I have been away for a bit because my Internet was shut down.
do you realize that they expect you to pay for this shit every month?
Welcome back. I’ve missed you and the missus.
@Blondesjon: Welcome back. We’ve been sadly lacking in gravitas here since you left. .
Those “they’s” will get you every time
Beautiful crop of colorful peppers, btw.
@gailcalled . . . thank you. i’ve tried my hand at some real gardening and canning this year and find myself hopelessly in love with both.
coincidentally, the “those they’s” were my backup singers when i used to open for the stones.
It is catchy… “The Those They’s.”
i’m a sucker for alliteration
Yaay – it’s old home week.
And clearly @gailcalled has overlooked my efforts toward gravitas.
Nice to see you @Blondesjon!!
@cookieman; I thought you said “gravlax” and felt I had to penalize you for disloyalty to the cookie, man.
What’s up BJ. <chin thrust>
Some people probably get bored with it, while others who’ve had smooth sailing on here had that one particular thread that just went very bad and acting on immediate emotions spontaneously decided to eliminate their accounts. Also there are some resident bullies on fluther, and some of them are actually very popular on here, and they have many friends on here to back them up, and I’m sure these bullies have driven many away as well. Damn, even the mods backed me up on one particular thread against one of them. I’ve been around the block though when it comes to Q & A sites, and I still think this is one of the better sites out there, and most of my opinions are in the fringe on here.
Answer this question 
