Bad movie;
Piranha 3DD
As a horror fan, I don’t think that all good horror requires gore. Not at all. But I certainly do think that certain types need it, and not just because some are so shallow and ridiculous, but because gore can often compliment the sub genre of horror, or at least the feel it’s going for. Like piranhas fucking shit up.
I saw the first one, the 2010 remake of the 1978 original.
My argument here isn’t to debate anything about gore, especially when I haven’t seen the original version, but goddamn it I have opinions too, for fuck sakes. The first remake was violent, gory and actually pretty disturbing, especially a part where they show the aftermath of a major attack. A lot of the movie is comedy, so this mixed with the over the top gore makes for an interesting mix. It’s like eating something that tastes good, and then at the end it starts tasting real foul. Makes a fun balance. The humor is lowbrow and axed on sex, the violence dealt by the fish is merciless and severe. People crawling around on all fours (if all fours are still there) with 30% of their skeleton showing, girls being torn in half…while some porn movie producer can find nothing else to say as he dies from a piranha attack; they took my penis…they took my penis! Man, I just feel like spoiling the whole movie. Everything stands quite well together and it is what it wanted to be; a light hearted horror comedy with plenty of juice. and boobs
But I was supposed to talk about the sequel to that remake…it fuckin sucks. They toned down the gore to precisely 0%, and made the jokes so stupid. The brand of comedy these two movies have is already stupid, but in the first movie it’s haw haw stupid. In this second one, it tried way too hard to underline its success in the first and go over it. We get it. Penises. I get it. I like penises. Everyone likes penises. Get over it. It’s not funny.
I could tolerate all that if the movie was as gory as the first, which to me was its highlight, but as I say, they took it all out. What the hell?? All that’s left is piss poor character progression I don’t give a shit about because it sucks, humor so lame that it’s almost obscure, and the stupidest deaths I’ve ever seen in a horror movie. It’s also pretty sad that the coolest deaths in this don’t actually involve any piranhas.
What I did appreciate about the movie is that it followed its own mythos, and really was a sequel. They didn’t just forget the events of the first movie and start from scratch. They went on. The fish also evolve in interesting ways, and it’s interesting to see how they survive and follow up their killing spree in this sequel. Still, that’s not enough to save the boring piece of work this was. It’s trying to be like the first, but I think it forgot it was based on the horror genre. And these aren’t usually the kinds of things that bother me, but this was such a goddamn failure…and I’m not the only one who thinks so. The movie did poorly. I think there was this movie that came out on the same day as this. It was shot in Nepal and involves some dude sawing frozen fish in half for like two hours, and it was shot with a monocle and no electricity. Made more money than Piranha 3DD.
The only highlight in this was Christopher Lloyd, and it just makes me want to watch Back to the Future, since those have nothing to do with this 3DD crap.
To be fair, in like, 30 years from now it’s probably going to be some sought after movie by horror fans who truly love the worse of the worse. I’m afraid to admit it, but this is something I can appreciate.
Good movie;
The Dead
One of the best zombie movies I’ve seen in a long time. Probably the most original title ever for a zombie movie…the movie was filmed in Africa, and offers some very pretty and interesting scenery. Sometimes a little bleak, sometimes not…it’s really interesting. That’s the thing with this movie though…it does such an awesome job of keeping a balance in everything, that you constantly have a good sense of realism the whole time you watch it, besides a few inevitable cookie cutter factors. Nonetheless, it’s pretty cool that one of the scariest zombie movies I’ve seen takes place in a country I’ve never been to. It’s like I’ve lived there my whole life after seeing this. The zombies are really scary, man.
This is this movie’s strength. FEAR. Tension…the edge of your seat. Mind you, the movie is very predictable, and not without its cheesy elements. But this doesn’t matter because it all works so well. One of those cases where ’‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’’ is very true. You’re not gonna get a more classic zombie movie. No surprises, no humor, nothing new, no bullshit; just a damn good zombie movie.
A military technician is the sole survivor of a plane crash, and eventually teams up with an African soldier in order to help the latter find his son, who should be in a safe haven. The whole movie concentrates on their quest to get there.
The zombies are extremely well done. The only thing I don’t like is how their eyes are all white, but this is just personal opinion. Otherwise they’re great. They’re really damn slow too, which does a lot for the tension. Although sometimes they’re as fast as speeding bullets when attacking. I just had fun with that, debating in my head about zombie phases. (repose, stalking, feeding) There’s a million things you’ve seen in zombie movies that happen here, but the way they’re done is just…wow. It’s SCARY. That’s what’s important. When I talk about freaky atmospheres, I’m talking about The Dead.
I’d also like to note that while the movie has a soundtrack, it’s never overdone. A lot of the more intense parts of it don’t have much music, which only helps the nail the fear factor deeper into your soul. It’s so much easier to find yourself in the situation. My only complaint is some of the sound effects. Zombies walking around or eating someone kind of sounds like somebody masturbating into a grocery bag. This, however, doesn’t happen often; the zombies are usually really silent, which is what freaks me out. Not much moaning…just slowly walking towards you.
The movie has good gore too, and none of it is made with CG. It looks disturbing, and they make sure to show you every goddamn nasty little detail, although never for very long. Still, it only heightens the realism; were I to see someone devoured before my eyes, I don’t think I’d just sit there and admire it.
The movie’s visuals are really great and bleak; severed limbs everywhere, and I learned something interesting…many zombies here walk/crawl around and are missing an arm or a leg; actual amputees played some of the zombies.
The movie is pretty long, and does have its long drawn out scenes which serve mostly needless character progression that, after all, doesn’t really go anywhere. But the actors are very interesting and it sticks with you, so it’s always interesting. A bit cheesy a bit long, but really fun and quite disturbing. I’d suggest this to any zombie fan out there. Whether you enjoy the movie or not, I guarantee you’re going to remember it for the rest of your life.
TLDR version;
The Dead
’‘pats DVD and gives it the thumbs up’’
Piranha 3DD
’‘Shows the case to the audience’’ Does anyone here need to defecate? If so, do it on this.
Composing members:
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Composing members:
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