What's the point of being in a relationship when you're too young?

The more experience you have in communicating with an SO and getting to explore different types of relationships, the better equipped you will be when it comes time to choose a long term partner. Plus, the good aspects of being in a relationship are exciting and fun!

”Is it just having fun, sharing and doing sexual activities? And then it ends.”

Yes… or maybe just maybe it flourishes. You’ll never know if you don’t give it time.

It is a learning experience. You learn what you like and dislike in others – and learn about yourself. You learn that a good relationship is a two way street and how to recognize red flags that indicate it’s going too far one way or the other.
You leave the protection of your parents and learn to stand up and protect yourself.
It’s life.

It’s practice. We practice being in relationships and learn for the future. Sometimes we screw up, and change, evolve, with the one person. Sometimes we grow and learn and the lessons help us in the next relationship. A lot of times SO’s show us a different way to interact in a relationship, when mostly we had just been observing our parents and other family members.

It also is fun, companionship, and could become permanent eventually.

It’s experience. You learn how good love and trust feel, and how lousy pain and hurt feel. You learn how to communicate with another person, and share yourself with them, and how to take care of someone else. How it feels when someone has your back covered for you, or how lousy it feels when they don’t do that for you. It’s learning about life and love.

What’s the point in trying to drive a car before you have a license?

It’s to learn, make mistakes, and become familiar with the bumps in the road.

Same dynamic.

I always had a tough time with that too. Like reading the last chapters of of a book first, once I saw the end I just couldn’t maintain interest and inevitably it made for a self fulfilling prophecy. Which in turn made for some unpleasant break-ups but it also established the foundations for some of my closest friends. You can look at it as an ending, but it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes it’s just a transition.

Either way, it always teaches you something about yourself and others. It helps you learn how other see the world and provides insight into who you are, what you hope to find in life, and which priorities really are important. All of that may not always be readily apparent, it certainly wasn’t for me at your age, but looking back after each relationship, ended or transitioned, I began to see those things; learn about others, myself, and about who I wanted to share my journey with.

It’s fun. It’s a learning experience. It teaches you how to love/date/etc.

And honestly you never know how things will turn out. I know plenty of people who dated just because, and ended up married with kids.

@elbanditoroso So you’re saying the reason why people are in a relationship at a young adult age is because they want to be more prepared and ready for the serious marriage leading relationship?!

@Pinklady – I’m not sure it is consciously done, in the sense that they go into a relationship with the idea of learning. I think it’s more of a subconscious societal thing – you date, you make judgments, you learn, you suffer, you recover, but not with a purposeful plan.

I think it (relationships in your teens and twenties) is part of the whole maturing to adulthood transaction that everyone goes through.

When I was 20, I was getting into my first relationship. I was very serious about this woman. I don’t think I have ever loved anyone quite as intensely since then. I guess it’s not possible to have the kind of faith in someone that you could have before you’d ever been burned.

I had no idea the relationship wasn’t going to be forever. And I really can’t see how I’d know that with anyone else, since. I always go into relationships thinking it will last a very long time. I just don’t get involved with my intense emotions unless I really love the person.

Now, if I weren’t getting deeply involved, it would be a different thing. Casual dating. Having fun. Maybe some sex. I’ve done that, too. My next relationship after my first love was like that. Except she got more involved with me than I did with her.

I don’t think it makes sense to prejudge a relationship. I think you need to follow your feelings. Not just your emotions, but also your feelings about your plan for your life. Some relationships are intense and that is what you are looking for. Some are intense and you never expected it. Some are not intense and that is what you were looking for, and some are not intense and you had been hoping for intensity. There is no predicting, unless you are choosing highly inappropriate people to hang out with.

So I wouldn’t bother to say in advance what is going to happen. I would just take things as they come, and react authentically.

Practice?

A person’s age has nothing to do with discovering the right partner. It all comes down to supporting each other in achieving personal goals. It also includes accepting each other through the worst of times and helping them land on their feet.

If there comes a time where the line needs to be drawn, then so be it. It hurts, and it may take a long time to recover from it, but in the best case scenario, we are able to move on.

Practice.

@Pinklady Your question made me think on the age thing. I guess I’ve wanted to be in a relationship since puberty. I had my first date and kiss before I was 16. My first long term relationship started when I was 17. I’ve always loved the way a woman feels in my arms and I loved kissing from that first one. But I guess more important is the connection between our hearts and minds. That completes me. I wouldn’t feel whole without someone to share life with. I could probably fill my life for a time with friends and activities, but I need a soulmate to feel whole. That’s interesting. I don’t think I’ve thought that out before.

@Adirondackwannabe That’s a very nice realization.

@wundayatta Thanks. I learn new things all the time on here.

Time was, a person (particularly a female person) was likely to be married and having kids by 20.

It’s not always about the end product.. as frustrating as that is.

As someone only slightly older – I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had failed, long term relationships… and wondered why I wasted my time, or his time.. especially after I reached the point where I knew, deep down, that it was not going to last.. especially during this point in life, where things are so uncertain and change all the time.

In my last relationship, I reached a similar point where I wondered what was going to happen. I didn’t want to get married. He was going to go away to grad school. I am going to stay here for two more years. We went separate ways, and I think we’re both happier for it.. and I know, on my end, that I have no ill feelings towards him. It just didn’t work.

It’s a tricky situation.. and if you don’t have very strong feelings for your boyfriend now, it probably will end with you two drifting apart. But, like everyone has said – you really never know.

Being in a relationship implies that two people have feelings for each other and want to be together. There is no point beyond that.

Imagine a scene where you are sitting in a field all alone,content with life and yourself.
You are happy to be alone. You have no desire for marriage or a relationship and you know that you can maintain your lifestyle just the way that you want to.

At different stages throughout your time in the field many potential partners come and sit next to you as long as they are content. Some you like the company of and some that you don’t. Either one of you can move to another part of the field at any time returning you back to the initial state.

When both are content to sit side by side from choice, companionship flurishes.

It’s about being completed.

Having marriage as an end goal, before you’re in a relationship with someone you really want to marry, is putting the cart before the horse. That seems to prioritize marriage over being married to the right person, someone you really care about. It seems like a path to a passionless marriage, which for some people is a lesser evil than being single.

If you use marriageability as a litmus test for relationships, especially this early on, you’re likely to miss out on a lot of great people. To me, the best thing about dating is finding an emotional connection with someone, even if it’s temporary. Being with the right person can be a fun, joyful part of life, and when things don’t click anymore, you can move on and be grateful for the experience. A relationship would have to be really amazing for me to want to marry the person.

Relationships that end, for whatever reasons (most do), are far from worthless.
There is no other opportunity like the crucible of one’s primary relationship for learning about yourself, and for learning about others.
Plenty of relationships are the best thing that ever happened to you, for a while, then not so much. Never mind the fluffy ideas that relationships last forever, they are plenty nourishing while they last.