How do you feel about romance?

You are equating a vague word with clichéd behavior.

There are dozens of ways of being romantic. Designing loving and romantic behavior to the needs and desires of the beloved is a lovely project and certainly can avoid a dozen long-stemmed red roses.

I love true romantic gestures. One endearing one for me is that my husband will have ice tea made when I come home.

There are many people who look upon the stereotypical romantic actions just like you do. I am one of them. I asked my SO on the front end never to invest in flowers or candy. Our wedding will be a civil ceremony with no one invited, other than his parents.

There are others, however, that enjoy these tangible celebrations. They desire it. That’s okay in my book, as long as they are in agreement on how to spend their money and what it means to them.

And yes, an old boyfriend attempted to be romantic by giving me expensive Valentine’s Day gifts that, while using a clever theme, bombed. I would have preferred that he told me that he had the oil changed in my car because he knew it was time. To me, that is romantic. It would show that he cares about my safety.

I do hold romance in the top ten of a successful partnership, but not from a gift aspect. Should my partner and I ever stop desiring to holding hands or kissing each other, then we need to have a chat.

I don’t like the cliché ideas of romance either. I don’t consider myself to be romantic. I have become more sentimental as I become older though, and I also appreciate when my husband writes me a quick note thinking about me or shows me he is happy to be with me. Sometimes it is just a text with just two or three words. Or, when we travel, a few days into it he might hold my hand and tell me how happy he is I can travel with him. I think I like my husband’s thoughtfulness and sweetness, it is not so much what I consider romantic. He used to try to do more “romantic” things like the flowers, but I didn’t receive it well, so I think he gave up on that.

As far as weddings. I like weddings. At my wedding I didn’t do most of the, I don’t even know what to call it without sounding insulting, “traditional” things. I didn’t do the garter thing, or cut the cake, or throw the bouquet. I did do the first dance with my husband, and a dance with my dad, and my dad gave a nice toast, and a blessing over the challah (I am Jewish) but the rest of the time was just one big dance party and food. I wanted as few interruptions as possible during the party.

There are some “stereotypical romantic behaviors” which I have tried to avoid, such as the giving of cut flowers, for one example. My thought was always, “Why would anyone want a bunch of dead flowers?” I prefer to deliver live plants.

But sometimes that’s just me, and some people do seem to appreciate the dead flowers. Well, romance isn’t about me giving a gift to a loved one that I would like, is it? The idea of romance as “thinking about the other person and doing things to please that special other” is surely not a bad idea, if it’s done with real thought to what would please the “other”, rather than oneself.

I don’t do much or any of that stuff, but women tell my I am very romantic. It’s because when I fall in love, I am so intense. She becomes the center of my world, and I’m sure she feels it. Center in the sense that I am thinking about her and caring for her; not because I need her or make demands on her.

But it’s intense and romantic. I might write love letters. I might be silly. I might be a horn dog. Who knows? Whatever the moment requires.

I do give my wife flowers, but I would not say it’s about romance. It’s about caring for her and honoring the symbols of love. When we tell each other we love each other each day as I go to work, or when we hold hands while taking a walk in the autumn afternoon, it is romantic in a softly understated way. It’s not a big deal. It’s not intense or over the top. It’s everyday, and yet, still special.

It also helps to be holding at least one of her hands when you tell her about the woman you’ve fallen in love with, doesn’t it?

I get a little gaga over moonlight. The feeling of sharing a meaningful moment in the universe ,with the light of the moon shining on the two of us, gets me every time.

Genuine romance is wonderful—I’m a sucker for it. Phony romance is deceitful—I’m a sucker for it.

Two words: Fuck it.

It always ends up hurting and these last few bouts have been utter killers. Indefinite hiatus for me.

I love romance, but romance for one person might be considerably different for another person. But the idea of simply “shagging” someone without love and romance seems like a huge waste of time for me. I like romance to involve words and deeds that show me that the other person gets me and is paying attention to what is important to me.

It would be like reading a book without all of the rich dialogue and nuanced prose. A relationship without romance would be like reading a VCR manual. Insert cable A into port B and push power button. If device does not turn on check the cables and make sure there is an adequate supply of electricity.

Which raises the question, at least in my mind, as to what @Kardamom would think is romantic. You present yourself so seriously here, it seems to me. It’s hard for me to imagine your heart getting kind of soft and molten and your eyelashes batting as you gaze fascinatedly into your love’s eyes. But I’m sure it must happen. Or have happened.

I like romance and I like authenticity. For me romance is genuine when it feels permanent. The red roses and chocolates don’t mean it is phony but they don’t mean it is genuine either.

Far and Near
By Gu Cheng

You,
you look at me one moment
and at clouds the next.

I feel
when you’re looking at me, you’re far away,
but when you’re looking at the clouds, how could we be nearer!

@flutherother Now that is romantic.

@wundayatta That’s the part about the other person getting me which you don’t. I am serious on serious questions. I’m also ridiculous and silly on fun questions, I hope I am useful on questions that need specific answers, and I am light hearted on fluffy questions, I can also be quite bawdy. That’s the beauty of Fluther, there are lots of questions, and lots of different moods and different personalities for each of those questions. If there weren’t we’d only need one person to answer all of the questions.

What I meant about romance being different for different people is, for example, I love it whe my SO calls me up out of the blue and sings to me. Other people might think that is silly. I also love flowers (like most women) but I would enjoy taking a trip to the nursery to plant a container garden with my SO even more. Some people might think that is just work. I love it when my SO suggests a new restaurant that he knows I will love, maybe one that other people would think is awful, like a vegetarian tofu parlor. All the lids and all the pots in the kitchen are different, but they still get to boilin’ if you catch my drift.

@Kardamom LOL. Gotcha!