Do people WANT their signifigant other to be jealous?

Maybe normal but certainly not mature.
Jealously usually implies insecurity and a lack of trust and faith, not good qualities for sustaining a LTR.

I agree with @Coloma . I am strange though jealousy turns me on. I know it sounds as if I am joking but I am not. Maybe your girl friend just needs reassurance you know? I have a “partner” who is never jealous, which is a great thing, since I am very flirtatious. But I often wonder why he is never jealous? But you sound great well balance and stable.

Why? Why would you want someone you care for to feel unsure or in pain?

She may have just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with her going out with these people.

My husband gets jealous, a little bit, and it pisses me off.

I recently battled depression, stopped taking care of myself, ate my feelings and gained about 20 lbs. I was miserable.

Recently I got a job and started dieting. I made some lifestyle changes (I’m now a pescatarian and I’m cutting back severely on junk and processed foods), started wearing makeup again, lost some weight… and all of a sudden he thinks I’m trying to hook up with the first male person whose name I mentioned at my new job. He’s having dreams I’m running off with other people…

So. Frakking. Annoying.

I thought the point was to have a partner that was desirable, and that you could be proud to show off? Whatever.

If my guy wanted me to be jealous, I would be pissed. I always go out of my way to reassure and build up my man. It just seems very uncaring if he actually wanted me to feel bad.

I broke up with my last partner mostly over her being too jealous all the time, it was always annoying and when it became extreme I had to end it.

She may have been worried that you would be jealous. Or maybe she wanted to get a reaction out of you, some girls like that when you are like “fighting” because you like them.

My most recent X and I were long distance for 2 years. There came points when she would say stuff just to make me jealous, but usually it was while we were fighting.

This is a great question. Jealousy of a partner comes in many forms. Several variations have been mentioned above.

The key is to ask your partner why they ask these questions. As the person responds, if the answer isn’t to your satisfaction, keep asking why. It may come down to the fact that she once dated someone who was unreasonably jealous and fears that it could happen again.

There is always the chance that she looks upon signs of jealousy as a way for you to show her that you care about her. If this turns out to be the case, then good luck friend. You have the choice of either catering to it in order to keep her happy, ignoring it, or attempting to change her view.

I don’t want my husband to be jealous, but I do want him to think other men find me attractive. I know other women, and men for that matter, find my husband physically attractive, funny, sweet, adorable, they use all sorts of positive descriptive words. The only time it would make me jealous, rather suspicious or pissed, is if the seemed to be possibility for some sort of relationship. I would hope same for my husband, no need to be jealous.

@marinelife sorry wasn’t sure if you asked me that? I like to feel jealous not make people jealous.

A little jealousy is a good thing, IMO. If a man approaches me to flirt and my bf sees and lets it be, it means he has the confidence in himself and our relationship. (good.) If he feels a need to casually assert his status with me (like stopping by to say hello), he sees that other people appreciate me as well. (making it habit is a bit of a turn off, though.)

Anything more stems from insecurities and is an absolute turn off.

Perhaps you could address this with your girlfriend directly? She may be feeling a little insecure and is deflecting it to you.

Some young people get the idea, from TV and the movies, that jealousy is required if you’re “in love.” It isn’t true. In fact, the opposite is true. There shouldn’t be insecurity (which is what jealousy is) in a mature solid relationship. If you have thoughts in that direction, talk to your SO immediately in a neutral, not accusing way. Real “love” includes trust to survive.

My guess is that she has been in relationships in the past where the bf was jealous in a similar situation. She is used to not being trusted, and she was trying to be sensitive to your feelings. I have no idea what she would do if you said you were jealous… not go out?

Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships are even harder. It’s all doubly hard when you are young and your brain isn’t matured yet.

I would reassure her that you aren’t jealous. You are mature enough to understand she can go out with guys and still be loyal to you.

If she’s trying to make you jealous, then you’ll find out soon enough. Things will escalate. Then you’ll have to decide if you want to keep on being in this relationship or change the rules somewhat.

To me it’s a sign of insecurity and lack of confidence in the relationship. She needs some reassurance that you miss her and still want her. But she puts herself in the position of being almost a possession, not as a partner in the relationship.

I would dislike it. It smacks of gamesmanship, which belong in a casino. Not having it.

I would never want my SO to be jealous, but I will admit that a little jealousy can feel kind of flattering. Beyond that it’s a huge pain in the ass.

I’m sure there are people who do want their partners to be jealous, though. Maybe that’s how they experience feeling wanted or something. I doubt that most healthy mature adults would want that… there are a lot better ways for an SO to show their appreciation for you than being jealous.

For your specific situation, try to make sure your girlfriend is aware of how much you appreciate her. Compliment her (genuinely), tell her how much you value her, and be specific about it. Maybe that will be reassurance enough for her.

@JLeslie I agree that we want our SO’s to know that others find us attractive. It is a fine line between that and making them think that you might go off with someone else. Or, even worse, that you are the instigator. Like I said, I have always gone out of my way to ensure my SO that I wouldn’t do that. As a result, he was able to be proud of me when others found me attractive, without the green-eyed monster coming out.

@JLeslie I never do anything on purpose to try to make sure my husband knows others find me attractive. I just like when he sees others wanting to be around me and when they actually tell him I am a good catch, or smart, or some sort of compliment. I never feel like my husband is flirting with other women to cheat, but I often have women tell me how entertaining he is, or good looking. I think we both are just fairly social, and neither of us is jealous.

People also tell us that we make a great couple, things like that. For whatever reason we present well. LOL. I think we seem very united in public. Pretty much all of our friends do in their relationships. Most of the friends we socialize with want to be around their spouses. I only have one set of friends now who have a lot of tension in their marriage, and we all know it, they joke about, they are even united in their frustration with each other. Anyway, we all flirt with each other sort of, we mingle amongst each other.

Only one time was I “jealous” but more accurate is suspicious, and it turned out the girl was interested in my husband, it was obvious. I don’t think anything happened, impossible to know for sure of course. It was a long time ago. I am pretty good at knowing when to worry. My big thing with things like that is I don’t like being thought of as an idiot, or treated like one.

I once entered into a too-late-to-be-recognized-as-regrettable relationship with a woman who was all but constantly jealous. It was thoroughly annoying. The last thing I would want to do is have a partner who was almost constantly on the look out for competition be it feasibly real or imaginary. She would drive me up the wall with it. Eventually I just gave up having arguments with her and defending myself all the time whilst trying to prove myself at the same time, and when I stopped shouting and ranting back at her, she then said
“What, you don’t care anymore?”
“Cause I’m not shouting?”
“Yeah”.
“Oh I care, it’s just I can’t be frikkin bothered shouting all the time.”
A little bit of jealousy is not a harmful thing, but I believe jealousy is entirely unwarranted as a thought or feeling that is productive. Any relationship based on making one’s partner feel jealous is just doomed to failure, unless that other person is wholeheartedly in favour of being jealous for days or months on end. I don’t see how that could be possible to be honest.
I lost a lot of friends who were female because I wanted to keep her happy, I made a lot of sacrifices, and none of that worked. So no, I never wanted, and indeed now I wouldn’t want a significant other to be jealous. The second they are these days is the second I chuck ‘em.