When you find love in the least expected place in the least expected person, do you acceptingly follow even though there are consequences?

Handle the consequences. Restraining orders, court, personal firearms…it is not right for anyone to threaten another with physical harm that’s why there are laws to protect you and your property.

Or, since I’m from a small town and get it, move and enjoy your life. :)

If she is an ex, then she has no business butting into his love life at all. I don’t see how it could affect your reputation – you are free to date any eligible guy that you choose. If you choose to walk away, then it is no wonder the ex does what she does, if she gets the desired result.

I would say stand by your man and let the ex make an ass of herself if she wants.

Stand your ground and call the police once she raises her voice. But do not resort to her level at all. Do not go to her in any location, but don’t back off if she approaches.

And the child will grow up knowing about her behavior and yours, and will be accepting of you as making a happy home with her father. Love the child as you are, just don’t try to replace the mom. Be your loving self with the child and the child will eventually love you.

Stick at it I say. Love knows no bounds and all that. Besides, as @KNOWITALL says, there are laws, ways and means of ensuring you aren’t pestered by offending parties (I’m not talking the party poppers kind obviously).

As long as your love treats you well and stands by you, then stand by him too. The ex needs to get a life and move on. She’s being a bully, plain and simple. Get the police involved since slashing tires is a chargeable crime and you can charge her with slander if she prevents you from being successful at work or interferes with your quality of life.

Easier said than done, I know, but if you two stay strong together, you’ll get through it. Don’t let the ex get the last laugh.

Been in that situation, and I married him. I wouldn’t trade him for anything, we’ve been through so much through the years, he is really the love of my life.
If I had to do it all over again? No.
That doesn’t make it the right answer, but in our case it didn’t get better until it got much, much worse. Years and years of “worse.” It doesn’t mean that I love my husband any less, but if I had known then what I was getting into, I don’t think I would have done it.

Really, only you know. He may be the greatest thing to ever happen to you, but if you consider the possibility that his ex will likely be around (in some way, even if you are able to force her to dial back the harassment), since they have a child together. Consider the possibility that she may never go away, and that this part of your circumstances may never get better, or may come and go but never go away completely. Are you prepared to deal with that? Then move forward. If not? Maybe it’s better to consider other options.

Stay the course. It sounds as if he is worth it.

You can’t control how your heart reacts, but be careful to listen to your brain. That’s what should help you make decisions, even if your heart argues.

@DigitalBlue – I had no idea we had parallel lives.

@AuroraSolei – I second @DigitalBlue‘s advice. First and foremost remember that this is the mother of his child and that will not change. Look really far ahead and imagine shared holidays, school events and milestones in this (shared) child’s life. If you can’t envision being in the same room at some point with his Ex and both of you acting civilly to each other…it is going to be painful for everyone involved, especially his child.

My husband is definitely worth it and I love him dearly and he’s the only man I could ever see myself married to…and I love his daughter who I’ve now raised for nearly 15 years…but if I had it to do over again? I wouldn’t. Seriously, I’d rather be alone then go back through the YEARS of crap, the financial strain she’s caused us…gah, I could go on and on about the nonsense I’ve put up with..and our town isn’t even that small.

I highly recommend you spend some time reading on this site: http://www.secondwivesclub.com/

I know they weren’t married – but you’ll still be a stepmom if you’re in this for the long haul. I urge you to read/lurk and ask other stepmom’s about what you have ahead of you if you and he get serious / get married.

@geeky_mama exactly, you are just more articulate than I.

Again, let me stress, I love my husband, I love my stepchildren, but the kind of turmoil that an angry/entitled/vengeful/jealous/whatever ex can bring into a relationship is enormous. I think @geeky_mama is right, you should read some other experiences. My husband was not married to his ex, either, but the scenarios are often similar or identical, and easy to relate to even if the couple had been married.

I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to be happy and to find love, or that you don’t deserve to have him if you believe that he is right for you. Just that it is quite realistic that you really will always have her in the picture, and she may not ever be any nicer than she is now. That’s not a fact, but it is a very real possibility, and it can’t be ignored. Whether or not you want that or are prepared to deal with that for years to come is really what you have to ask yourself, no one else can answer that for you.

So here are two people who have both lived this situation for a long time and both are telling you not to do it.

Really?

I guess they are saying that had they known what they were getting into before they did it, they wouldn’t have. Yet both say they love their husbands a great deal.

I don’t know. Maybe you can make a practical decision with your head instead of your heart. Some people do, you know. Not me. I could never turn down love, especially if it was a very intense love.

I think that forewarned is forearmed. It’s important to know what you’ll be facing and maybe it will help you face it better. Maybe you’ll develop a strategy for dealing with and neutralizing his ex early on. It’s not easy, but you have the advantage of knowing how she will behave and what makes her tick. That will help you figure out a solution.

I believe in following your love. Perhaps that is foolish, but I don’t really feel like I have much choice. I’ve followed loves all over the place. I’d say go into this with your eyes open and work your ass off to declaw the ex so you can have better quality time to spend with your husband. And then be grateful for the good times you have together, and don’t get upset about the times when his ex is messing you up. Just accept it as what you signed up for. It won’t be as bad that way.

Good luck.

I didn’t say not to do it.
I said she has to see what she is getting into first, and then decide if she is ready, willing, or even capable of dealing with that long term.