(NSFW) If you became part of a couple with someone you've been in a FWB relationship with for a long time, how long did it take for you to get used to that?

Isn’t it just the same but now you have a different expectation?

I’ve never really gotten the whole FWB thing. If we’re having sex, it’s because you are or could become my boyfriend.

There’s no such thing as FWB. Either it’s a one-off, or you’re “pre-dating.”

It shouldn’t take too long to get used to it, because you’ll quickly realize the only thing that has changed is your title.

Honestly, I think people have a kind of fear of relationships going on inside. Yet, at the same time, they desperately want a relationship. So if you call it fwb, it’s a way of kind of finessing the issue of agreeing that you mean something to each other. You put a limit on it, and you have sex, and it doesn’t mean much, officially.

Of course, inside your body, something different is happening. Emotions—powerful emotions are being released, although your official understanding is overruling the other parts of your mind that understand what is going on.

Some people are able to overpower the subconscious mind and remain convinced it is nothing. But others eventually get sucked into the reality of it, and finally become willing to admit that there are deep feelings involved. Then it turns into a relationship, officially, but it was a relationship all along. You were just fooling yourself.

You probably wont’ agree with me, because you have a vested interest in believing you weren’t fooling yourself and that you were seeing things clearly in the harsh light of reality. I don’t buy it.

We have so many hangups about mushy issues like defining relationships. What is a boyfriend? What is love? When do you say, “I love you?”

I don’t think people trust their feelings. What is infatuation? What is “just sex?” So it’s easier to define things as nothing, and do what you do, and then there is no risk.

In reality, there is risk no matter what our stupid monkey minds think. Our holistic minds know, but they don’t seem to have a vote. The monkey mind talks a lot and takes over, convincing us we are safely fwb. But sometimes reality manages to subvert the monkey mind, and we come to realize that it really is a relationship, despite the fact that it is so creepy saying so.

@AnonymousWoman, What do you mean that you miss what you had too much?

@Shippy: Yeah. Pretty much like that. I guess that’s what feels weird about it….

@janbb To me, an ideal FWB relationship is when two friends who are sexually and/or physically attracted to each other get together to do things, even if they don’t see each other ever becoming a couple.

@tedd Interesting take. Not much has really changed, other than the level of seriousness. He also seems to want me to hang out with him more than once a week, even if he was okay with hanging out with me once a week before.

@wundayatta I find what you said pretty interesting. I’ve been afraid and even confused by my feelings. I’ve also been in denial about them.

@bookish1 I miss being “single”. I miss being able to be interested in other guys and have my heart open to them, at least emotionally. I miss not having a whole lot of obligations. For example, I was fine with seeing him just once a week. It seems that he wants to see me more now. I guess you could say I miss how it was less serious. I do enjoy seeing him, though, and he’s worth it, but it feels like too much. I understand that we both went out of our comfort zones in agreeing to be more, though.

@AnonymousWoman Well the whole “single” thing… you weren’t single except in title. How many guys do you think would’ve been excited to jump into a relationship with you while you had been hooking up with some guy on the side, no strings attached? Probably not the type of guys most girls like to date at least.

When you’re having sex with someone, at least one party is growing emotionally attached (unless it’s a one night stand type thing). I have never seen a drawn out FWB situation end without either (or both) people becoming emotionally invested.

The weirdness will go away. Trust me, the only thing you’ve really changed is your title.

^ It’s not like we had sex all the time. And I was single. There were guys who wanted to be my boyfriend, too, despite knowing the situation. I’m not interested in most of the guys who show an interest in me, though. Even if I wasn’t in any kind of NSA relationship, that would still be the case.

It’s good to know that the weirdness will go away.