How do you deal with irrationally feeling insecure in a relationship?

Stoicism

Ask her to challenge you when she thinks you are being overpowering, irrationally insecure or just plain silly.

Because for some strange reason, I don’t want her to think I don’t know where I’m going.

That is not a valid explanation; you need to ferret out the reason.

I think accepting the FACT that all relationships are subject to breaking up at some point or another and the FACT, that even if you’re in the tiny minority of ” til death do us part”, death WILL part you, sooner or later. lol
It is helpful to see the transient nature of everything in life and put it in perspective.
If a relationship fails it is meant to fail so that the parties involved grow.

Your insecurity is based on your desire to have some sort of guarantee that you will not lose this relationship and there is none. Infact, the odds are good you will repel this person if you wear your insecurities on your sleeve. It is far too big of a burden for anyone to feel responsible for anothers security needs.
I say instead of focusing on the possible loss of your loved one you focus on your own strength and confidence that you can, and will, survive whatever life throws at you.

It’s funny how we always notice the good points in others, I was thinking about that today. Even if they are really hard to determine, I will find them in another. But find them in myself? I really battle. I was even going to post a question about this and may still do.

Perhaps since she knows you are a little insecure about “you”, not the relationship, ask her if she can note down things she finds great about you. The list may surprise you.

I personally would sit her down and tell her, that you feel very strongly like acting like an asshole when you want to show your strengths. But armed with this list you could in fact act on those instead?

Please define “giving her a hard time”.

@glacial Generally being less calm and reasonable, and being a bit more irritable than usual.

Sometimes, when we come realize we have something more to lose than we believed and just how easily it can be lost, it rattles us a little. The fact that you recognize your insecurity is probably the best medicine, I suspect you just need time to adjust. It probably wouldn’t hurt to take a look around and make sure you know where it’s coming from, that should help you deal with it too.

In the meantime, relax, and if you feel a case of stupid coming on, take a deep breath, and think before you speak. If you find yourself preoccupied, mentally correct yourself and get back to focusing on enjoying your journey together; worrying about what might be has a nasty habit of blinding us to what is and our partners can certainly sense that “distance”. If it gets too serious get it out, laugh about it, and tell her to call you on it in the future.

Remember, she picked you just as much as you picked her, just be yourself and grow from there, it’s who she fell in love with and why she’s still around.

Recognizing it is half the battle, so good for you on being self aware. If she challenges your behavior while this is going on, are you able to get it under control? Or does it make you angrier? If it’s the former, I’d come up with a signal she can give you to let you know you’re doing it. As soon as she notices the insecurity-fueled ass making an appearance she could squeeze your hand twice, or say a silly code word. Something to bring you back to yourself quickly, defusing the situation. Thank her for bringing it to your attention, show her some love, and move on. In this way, it becomes a small mistake, easily recovered from.

If calling attention to the incident(s) would only make you dig in your heels and ramp up the behavior, you’re going to have to work harder to change yourself. I don’t know how this happens, but a counselor might help, or maybe meditation? The one thing you don’t want is for her to change. She may get so used to this bad behavior that she becomes immune to the hurt it causes. I’ve been in her position, and getting used to it was not a healthy thing.

It is not a good general philosophy of life, but when it comes to love, sometimes, you have to let go of the steering wheel.

From the description, it sounds as if the two of you have a very healthy relationship. The only red flag, (note: in your mind), is when it comes to ”...I some times find myself taking control when there is a minor problem, so that I can “assert my dominance” so to speak, and distract from the fact that I actually feel a little insecure.”

This doesn’t seem to be the case, in general. One example cited (jealously) doesn’t support it. The other (knowing the right direction) does. So it may be a matter of introspective thought as to why certain scenarios trigger this emotion. Is it a matter of pattering behavior after a father figure? Is it something that you take pride in and suddenly feel insecure if challenged on the subject?

Drill down to what is causing it. It won’t hurt to talk to your partner about it either. As you said, this is a minor issue. She will most likely quell the concerns you have about it.