Is this an appropriate defense for cyber bullying/stalking?

What am I doing correct and what am I doing wrong?

You have just given others in your situation a nice guide for assistance. If you add the legal statutes that are being violated in your state or country, you will have a solid document. Record everything.
Cyberbullies are either cowards or sociopaths who secretly envy a trait or quality you possess and they will never have.

I didn’t know if I have the right to post evidence, but that would show the individual. So thought I wouldn’t. Can I do that?

Can you present the information in a totally factual and unbiased way with, dates, times, and statements? Can you prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the individual did it? Has the person been specifically stating your name in the posts?

If it is “Yes” to all three then I see no problem doing it. Except….. That it will tip your hand and make a civil lawsuit more difficult.
Be forewarned, this will not make the problem go away. It is like poking a stick at a weasel. It will always try to run up your pant leg and come at you with a vengeance. You need to slam it hard, and permanently finish the job. Half measures do not work.
Thoughtful, considerate humans don’t work that way. That’s why lawyers were invented.

Thank you for taking so much time on this. I knew it was a long one.

You know what really outs this individual. The more I ignored and the happier I was on the site, the angrier and more aggressive she has become.

If someone asked me to join in a cyberbullyfest I would consider them not much higher than the pervebial snail snot. By asking, she has proven herself to be severely lacking as a person. I can assure you her “friends” will never trust her. Every attack she makes against you makes her look worse and you look more like an innocent victim.
Record everything. Give her plenty of rope.

If this were me I would say nothing and keep living as the nice person I am until I could not stand it any more. Then I’d go with the sledge hammer approach and slam her, her family, the website owner, the internet provider, everyone on her friends list and even the delivery boy who happened to bring the large, deep dish, cheese stuffed crust pizza she was eating when she typed her bile.

Welcome to Fluther!

I applaud your desire to end the cyber-bullying and stalking. It should not be ignored.

What is the vision (end result) in this situation? In reading through the proposed message, this isn’t clear to me. A guess is that you want it stopped, including for it not to happen to others. It also sounds as if you might be warning others that are involved, as well as educate potential targets.

Can this not be taken up with the site’s management team? They must have some policies on etiquette. If it has gone beyond that, meaning outside of this particular site, then it might be time to consult with a person in law enforcement, be it a lawyer or police agency. As @LuckyGuy recommends, gather the data first.

As for the message, there are a few minor suggestions.
1.) Who is the targeted audience? If it is other members of the site that may not be aware of the situation, or are and think that the bully’s actions are a joke, they most likely aren’t going to read it all.
2.) Some of the statements are subjective. It may feel true to you, and it could very well be true, but the way it is written comes across as emotional to this reader. I want facts if you are asking me to take action. In a case like this, providing facts could be crossing a legal line when making them public on a forum, e.g., Libel.
3.) The message is really long and has some grammatical errors in it. If you really feel that it needs to be posted, attempt to shorten it and clean it up.

Good luck in this situation, and please keep us posted on what happens. I truly hope that it all works out well for you.

Why not skip all of this and simply serve her with a legal restraining order? This is really much too wordy and detailed. You want to condense and be much more precise, please.

(Sorry, I was not able to read every word but just the opening sentences of each paragraph.)

That’s the trouble with inventing verbs. They have ambiguous meanings, other than I Gail Called this before I hit “answer.”

From a purely stylistic point of view – it’s too long. No one will read it.

Terse is good. Make your point but do it quickly. Reading this in its entirety simply is not going to happen.

It may be in some way cathartic for this to go on for two pages. But if you actually want to accomplish something, make it shorter. get to the point. Quickly.

I would go to another site or contact site administrator. End of story.

I do understand your distress over this situation. But there has to be some recourse with the owners:administrators of the site.

I think that a CONCISE email to them might be the most helpful.

As far as the entirety of your manifesto, I’m just going to be blunt in the hope that it will be helpful in clarifying your thought process.

If you seriously think that ANYONE on that site (or any other site) is really going to read thru ALL of that wall of words; then you are seriously deluding yourself.

(And this advice is coming from someone who normally reads every response to a Q on Fluther, just so you know)

I even read the backs of cereal boxes and soup cans, for crying out loud. But the sheer length and minute detail of what you wrote above had me giving up midway.

Seriously, do yourself a favor and edit, edit, edit. And then edit some more :). Really.
—————-

And to answer your Q specifically: it’s an appropriate defense ONLY IF you were in an actual court of law.

Out here in the real world, it’s just too much. Way too much. It matters little how meticulous you are if no one wants to go through the torture of wading through it. It defeats your purpose, don’t you see that?

So, overall, No it’s not an appropriate defense in regular life. It’s just way too much.

So if you find yourself there in an actual court. be sure to give it to your lawyer.

For the rest of the world, condense it. A lot.

Good luck. I wish you the best.

The restraining order is here.

1. Quit the poetry sites
2. Fini
3. Move on & ignore

@_Whitetigress walking away is definitely an option. I think that raises a whole new question to post. Whether we should allow bullies to make us leave. Given that their objective is to harass and intimidate me off of this site, do you still hold that position? I agree, there reaches a point where it necessary to cut loses.

Thank you all, will contact an attorney and hand this over. I might retype this and edit edit edit to leave on my closed site so others aren’t bullied. Thank you

Unless there has been some threat to your personal well-being, I still suggest taking it up with the website’s managers. If they don’t provide the desired results, then close the account. Life is too short to let cyber bullies get the better of you.

As for posting a message before closing the account, it will probably do no good. If you want to achieve a result, then go to battle utilizing the website’s manager. If it has gone beyond the website into other realms of your life and become a more serious threat, then hire a lawyer.

If it is just a matter of vicious words posted that are or can be assumed as a personal attack, how about taking it as an opportunity to grow from the experience? Here is the way I look at it: You can stick around and attempt to educate the member(s) on how their messages impact your feelings or give up.

What you may find by doing the former is that the other member has little clue on how their messages come across. This person may look at the site as a way to exercise a self-proclaimed talent of being a judge to the written word. The intent may not be to harm. Until you profess your reaction to their post and hear back can you understand what the goal was.

Without further examples, it is difficult for any of us to judge whether this is a case of cyber-bullying or not. The same goes for stalking. This is not an attempt to solicit more information. It is only to let you know that most of us have experienced some form of cyber-bullying and have lived to tell about it.

“Given that their objective is to harass and intimidate me off of this site, do you still hold that position?”

It’s unfortunate but humans are territorial after all. The things you enjoy most about those sites can be found elsewhere I’m sure. I still my position and think you should leave because this person clearly has a vendetta against you. If there are no moderators on those sites then I’d have to say you’re out of luck. I’ve been cyber bullied on this site, luckily for me, there are moderators here. And I simply just turn the cheek so to speak. It really works. The user will feel like they are talking to a brick wall. Although they probably get high off of their own heckling, they get no satisfaction because they no longer disturb you, they aren’t in your head anymore and that’s how you win. When they are no longer in your head, you win.
With all that being said if you choose to continue the site. Just ignore the user?

As the manager here on Fluther, I’d certainly want to know about a situation like this. I’d prefer that a member contact me directly rather than post anything on their profile page about it. The owners/managers/mods are in the best position to do something about it, so please let them know!

No dear not here. Fluther is on the other end of the Universe compared to the moderation going on, on the site I speak of.

Thank you A, your one of my favorite jellies :)

I realize you’re not talking about Fluther thank goodness, just giving you a ‘site manager’ perspective. I have a whip, and I know how to use it! Maybe those poetry site mods/managers have one, too. ;)