How long did it take you to get over being bullied?

The only way to get over any sort of mistreatment is to adopt the ” don’t take it personally ” attitude, meaning that the person in question will behave exactly the same with anyone else, if they can get away with it.
It’s the nature of the beast and it is not “personal.”
You simply get away from the person, take whatever, if any, action you can to protect yourself and educate yourself on red flag behaviors to avoid future interactions with screwed up people.

When I got married and became a Mother, I realized that nothing that happened to me before counted in my life.

I was not bullied, but I think bullying probably never really leaves most people when it is done to them in childhood. It changes who the person is psychologically to some extent, how they feel about themselves. I do think people can overcome crap done to them in childhood, but the bullying probably sends them down a certain path for at least a while in life, but people can always change and pave a new path.

I have found that some people most affected by bullying have a part of them that they believe the bullying, they believe they are worth less as a person, because the specific bullying hits home. Boys called sissy or girls, if they are gay they tell stories of the horror of school. While other men I know just refer to it as boyhood pranks and teasing.

Adults I know who were called fat by friends or siblings growing up, still see themselves as fat, even if they are objectively thin, and were thin as children.

All of it is horrific to me whether the person felt very affected or not.

There was a girl who bullied me when I was 15. This was 1986. I ended up switching schools because I was in fear of and humiliated by this person. I ended up moving 2000 miles away just a few months later. It was easy to get over her bullying once I never came into contact with her again. About 2 years ago I came in contact with an old friend from school on Facebook. I noticed my bully was mutual friends with this friend of mine. Her pictures were public and I looked at them out of curiosity. It looked like she was still the same person she was when she was in school (a heavy partier who hangs out with questionable people). I immediately blocked her so she wouldn’t notice me on our mutual friends friend list. I guess I never got over it completely.

I second what Coloma said, they knew they could get away with it. I find this question fascinating in that, how do people know they can get away with it? Does one give off signals? Does the bully notice that, or is it a group mentality. More often than not is it. I know though that bullies are quite contrary to what they give out, they are fearful people.

Consider yourself for example, or anyone, what does a normal well adjusted person get out of bullying? Nothing, that is why they don’t do it. The key to the whole thing is knowing it is not personal, you were just another person rather. To internalize all that, and then sabotage your own life later on, is such a self defeating vacuum.

I don’t think that I am over it. I have made peace with it, but it made my junior year and thus my high school experience a living hell.

I think the person Mitt Romney bullied is now dead. Mitt, of course, doesn’t remember cutting this dude’s hair off. The guy was gay. Not sure what he died of. No way to know if the bullying played a role in making this guys life hell or not.

I got my ass handed to me one time on here by a lot of jellies. It’s surprising how bad it feels to be hammered by so many people at once. I’m tough, I shook it off, but holy shit it felt like crap. I filed it away to remember for the future but I can see how someone could crumble under a sustained assault.

When I was in school I was bullied, mostly for being poor, but whatever reputation I had, or didn’t have, I really didn’t care about. School was just something I had to do, and when it was over for the day, I was back in my own world, and everything/everyone else that didn’t matter to me, no longer mattered.
I just wanted to be left alone and wanted very little to do with much of anyone, so to me being bullied was more of an inconvenience than a trauma. Being bullied, humiliated or teased to me was like having cramps, you just tough it out and wait until they’re gone. As for the people and what was done to me, I no longer care, and never really did. (mostly) But I had no real social life so there was nothing for me to care about except perhaps the occasional physical threat, which sometimes did happen. For more social people, it can be disastrous.
However, as you get older and have less access to your own personal retreats, it’s hard to get over someone who bullies you. Happened to me a few years ago, and the woman in question even got physical at times.
Then again, if anyone’s ever heard of Amanda Todd, being bullied as a teen is complete bullshit, just as much. It sucks when bullies know where to hit or what buttons to press. Luckily for me, most bullies I ever had to encounter didn’t know at all how to truly make me miserable. Maybe I didn’t get bullied enough, so maybe I don’t actually know. But speaking from my own experiences, I could shrug it off, at least when it was over. That’s not some badass factor I’m trying to attribute to myself, because ultimately, this exact same feeling came to me whenever people were friendly with me; I just wanted em to fuck off lol.

Not to say that when I think about it now, it doesn’t suck.

I don’t think it is something that ever leaves you, nor you it. Being bullied remains a steady tailwind to your life; it becomes a part of who you are. How you adapt to that force is what matters.

I’ve been abused many times as a small boy. I would hunker down until each event was over for survival. How did I get over the trauma? I realized how nice it was when the abuse stopped.

Life is like a air plane flight. Sometimes the flight is a rough period. When you get through the turbulence you can keep telling yourself over and over how bad and scared you were and how much you suffered during the turbulence. On the other hand you also have the option to realize how nice it is to be currently flying in calm skies enjoy a smooth flight. The choice is yours.

@gondwanalon I think I function like that too. I just basically wrote the same thing on another Q about being chronically ill and then finally finding some relief. Great analogy the airplane example, I am going to use it some day.

@Adirondackwannabe

In high-school I would be thrown into lockers as I tried to retrieve the textbook for my next class. And they would yell “get the faggot” while doing it.

So mean people on the internet seems a bit weak.

I was bullied, picked on, and generally lived in fear from kindergarten through eighth grade.

Then three things happened within months of each other.

I spent the summer at a pool the next town over and met a bunch of new friends who accepted me for who I was. This gave me a clean slate.

Then, my first week of high school, I witnessed one of the kids that bullied me, being bullied by seniors. This gave me some perspective.

Then, about a week later, some kid decided to pick a fight with me in the stairwell. He was taunting me and poking me with a pencil. Wouldn’t let me pass. The area was fill of kids. For some reason, I snapped, pulled the pencil out of hand, and tossed him down the stairs.

I was horrified that I hurt him, but word got around, and nobody bothered me again.

I actually went on to have a great time in high school.

No, I don’t think that I ever got over it.
I am painfully insecure, despite being what many people think of as very pretty. I’m sure my self consciousness goes far beyond the guys that practically tortured me throughout school, but just thinking about dealing with any of them face to face now makes my stomach knot up.
Realistically, I know that they probably don’t give a shit about me, and wouldn’t bother to say a thing, but the possibility is still enough to make me feel sick.

I don’t know. I’m guessing a lot of people never really get over it.

After 26 years of psycho-therapy, I can safely say that I’m not fully recovered from the emotional and physical abuse I suffered as a child and adolescent. However, I have changed, and it doesn’t rule me.

It started 40 years ago for me, and finished about 30 years ago, and I’m still not recovered from it. I don’t think I ever will be.

I was bullied a lot for several years during childhood. I am in my 30s now and sometimes I think that I would be more self-confident and have higher self-esteem if I hadn’t had those experiences.