Could you stand to see a loved one suffer?
Asked by
Shippy (
10020
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October 16th, 2012
I am asking about romantic love, but this question encompasses all types of love. That of family, friends and as mentioned significant others.
If that person was suffering in some way, where would your physical or emotional boundaries come to a halt, or what inadequacies would be acceptable in not being able to assist them.
Would it be money, or would you find the money somehow somewhere? Would it be distance? or would you walk over mountains with bare feet? If necessary of course. Do you feel limitations are just that, and abide by them? Or would you crush any limitation in the name of love?
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7 Answers
I’d do anything for my daughter, anyone else, no.
We can’t always salve others suffering, we can only be there for them. To be over consumed with others pain is codependent behavior.
It’s one thing to deeply care and have empathy, and entirely another to feel the need to fix and control.
The only word that comes to mind is no. I can’t bear to see a loved one suffer. That is the most painful thing of all.
I am watching dementia slowly take my mother.
Her mind is going and worst of all she knows it but her body keeps on ticking. It is extremely painful to be forced to stand by and watch knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it. So, what do I do when she is gone but there is still a shell? I do not know. But I guess, yes I can stand by and watch a loved one suffer. I see no choice except to walk away and I am not going to do that.
Good question.. I think it’s almost the wrong approach. Obstacles and difficulties encountered by each and every person if they don’t face it and learn and overcome they not only are stuck but you rob them of independence and satisfaction. The best you can do is offer emotional support or maybe guidance, if asked and applicable.
@rojo I can sympathize and wish you the best.
I am currently doing just that. It’s heartbreaking. I will continue to be there and offer what help and understanding I can. How could I not. It’s partly a question about where you are in your life together. If you can avoid a hopeless situation and are still in a position where you have a major part of your life ahead of you; you may have to absent yourself. Custodial care may be the only answer. You may not be recognized by your loved one. You have to go on with your life. You also have to provide for the best that you can for your loved one. It may be a weekly visit and a bouquet of flowers or a cup of ice cream. You do what you can.
Been doing that since 2007. It isn’t easy, it never gets easy.
Yes, I’d crush limitations for love, no it’s not easy but for me there’s no choice. There are solutions to every problem, sometimes you have to seek harder for them.
@Coloma That’s exactly what I tried do do, fix and control. It worked for my mom and more recently my husband, for now anyway. I educated myself and found resources, talked to the dr’s at length and often there are options you don’t think of until you’re forced to.
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