Why didn't I get sick?
Asked by
LuckyGuy (
43866
)
October 23rd, 2012
About a month ago, a friend was in my bathroom when he dropped his smartphone into the toilet before he had a chance to flush. He gingerly picked it up, and wiped it off but nothing worked after the traumatic event. I suggested he put the phone in a bag of rice and leave it on the heat register overnight so it could gently dry out. I gave him a ziploc bag full of Risotto rice and he placed the vile object inside. The next morning he tried it. The display was a little strange but it worked well enough that he could use it for his trip home. Success.
For lunch yesterday I cooked a bowl of rice in my rice cooker and had it with leftover salmon florentine over a bed of spinach. It was delicious.
Unfortunately the bag of rice I used to dry out the phone is missing! That can mean only one thing, the thought of which is too terrible to even contemplate. And yet here I sit, quietly fluthering while the end draws nigh.
Should I be making preparations?
Will I ever be kissed again?
This is in social so I am open to any and all suggestions.
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23 Answers
@LuckyGuy Thank you, thank you, thank you for the laugh. I laughed out loud. I am still laughing.
As for the rice, you cooked it. You will be fine. Except for the nightmares.
Apparently there is so much arsenic in rice, it most likely killed anything in your friend’s urine. It was nice knowing you @LuckyGuy.
Now I’m in a quandary.
In the interest of honesty and full disclosure, must I inform all current and future lovers of this horrific incident? I do not want to become a pariah and be sexually shunned like a leprous AIDS patient recently diagnosed with Hep C and HPV. And yet I feel full openness and honesty are critical to forming a strong and healthy relationship.
Thus the quandary.
Honesty is the only true answer. Change your name to CelibateGuy and get thee to a monastery.
@LuckyGuy If you do decide to inform potential lovers:
1. Don’t do it at mealtime.
2. Provide a bucket.
@marinelife Must…not… think…about… it…......Must….not…..
@bkcunningham What makes it worse is that the bag had been on the counter for weeks. Quietly festering while the bacteria happily multiplied and divided, no doubt evolving into a strain more virulent than SARS and more resistant than MRSA.
The meal was delicious though. If it was going to be my last that would not be a bad choice.
@Adirondackwannabe First the prostate and now the mouth. What’s next? Terminally frost bitten fingers? If I join the Trappist monks at St. Joseph’s Abbey at least I can enjoy the boysenberry jellies and preserves.
A recent study found that over half the people a researcher stopped in the street had feacal bacteria on their hands so in all likelyhood you’ve been eating shit for years anyway. Also never shake hands with people you meet on the street.
You can be silly about it forever and have fun, but the truth is that urine is sterile, or so my doctor told me. Still, it’s a good story to tell. The question is, how did it affect the taste of the rice?
@Sunny2 It would be difficult to tell how the taste was affected. The florentne cheese sauce was made from Feta cheese, half and half, and shallots. The saltier taste could have been either from the feta or….
You see what happens when one does a kindly deed, you get shit in your…... Oh dear, I am so glad you did not get sick. I feel queasy just thinking about it. You must be made of bullets loll.
mental note: never eat at LuckyGuys place
@LuckyGuy Let’s think positively. Perhaps it added a depth of flavor that is indescribable.
Don’t say a word, not even, ‘My number is up.’
I bet the cooking process has done for any bug/germ/virus/strange colour of the rice and you are still here, making me laugh at your mishap.
The spinach probably gave you the strength to overcome that wrong edible number.
Courage, and/or amnesia will prevail . .
@SomeoneElse I’m leaning in that direction. Already one of the people here (who I would gladly invite to dinner if she was ever in country) has called into question the cleanliness of my kitchen.
Maybe I should take this secret with me to the grave – along with that little incident with the twin Thai circus performers and the chocolate umbrellas.
I may never eat rice again.
@augustlan surely you can’t mean that? I like my rice cooked in a seasoned broth with onion to give a lovely golden brown colour to the rice. Doesn’t that sound nice? No?...
Update – I am fine. In perfect health in all departments. Except for the nightmares. :)
Any bacteria that might have survived the 40 minutes of steaming have been incorporated into my gut flora and are now part of the team aiding my digestion. This event has made me stronger – and a little smarter. .
@Lightlyseared Up until “the incident”, the only things that have ever been in my rice cooker were rice and clean water. I’ve never adulterated my rice with anything. I do occasionally add something after it leaves the rice cooker, but never before. That does sound delicious.
@LuckyGuy only plain rice? All the time? Dear lord that’d drive me mad enough to not notice what rice I was cooking ;)
@Lightlyseared I consider the rice cooker pristine. I often leave rice in there for a day or two after it is cooked and like to think it is sterile.
I’m not totally averse to additions. I just don’t do it in the rice cooker. That is sacred, clean space – or it was.
I put all kinds of things over rice: teriyaki beef, salmon, egg, natto, chicken…
OK, ok… I’ll do an experiment later. I will cook rice using beef stock instead of water. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
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