Why the big rush to sleep with him? Why not wait until he is medically cleared?
Plus, as someone else mentioned, have you actually seen the lab report so that you know WHICH diseases have been tested?
Chlamidya is one that’s been on the rise as of late, so no surprise there. But what about the rest. Regardless of condoms, one can still catch Herpes. And has he been tested for HPV? it doesn’t affect males but can be potentially deadly for females since there is such a high correlation between the HPV virus and endometrial and cervical cancer.
Have you been vaccinated against HPV yet? It’s not 100% guarantee, but every sexually active female should get it IMHO (and the opinion of the medical profession)
Also check to see how long after the shot before protection level is reached.
In addition to HIV, HPV is also a virus which you want to avoid getting ever in your lifetime (and it’s possible to do so) since the eventual results are eventually deadly.
Just remember that when you have sex with anyone, it is the medical equivalent of having slept with every previous person with whom they have had sex, in terms of disease transmission. And 20 is a lot. I have no idea why you’re in such a rush to be number 21 (and my guess is there were likely more than 20. When people are drinking to excess, they don’t have the most capable memory. You’ve heard of alcoholic blackouts?)
You asked for opinions on the relationship so here’s mine fwiw. There are far better choices out there than this guy for someone with your youth and lack of experience. But I don’t expect you’re going to listen to all the cautionary voices who’ve weighed in so far. So take precautions for yourself.
Are you aware that one of the most frequent characteristics of alcoholics and addicts is how charming and manipulative they are? Probably not. And this is not a characteristic that magically disappears with 3 short years of sobriety. It takes a longer time spent in self honesty practice than that.
But if you are as determined as you seem to be to make yourself vulnerable to this guy, there is one thing I wish you would take the time to do for your own sake and protection (and while waiting for the STD to clear up gives you that time)
Go BY YOURSELF to an AA meeting. (there are what’s called open meetings where anybody can attend.) You can find which meetings in your area are classified as open simply by calling the phone number listed for AA in the phone book.
After the meeting, ask a friendly person to introduce you to a few longtime group members with the longest track record of sobriety (AT LEAST 10 years).
Explain your situation to them and ask what advice they could give you, if any. Are there any red flags they think you should watch out for? Ask them if they feel comfortable sharing about their relationship successes or failures.
There is a lot of wisdom in these groups, especially from oldtimers in sobriety (old enough to be your father.) and there are usually a few in every group. FIND THEM. ASK.
They’ve down this road. They may have helpful advice for you that none of us could give.
If you were going to be involved with someone with any other serious disease (MS,Diabetes, cancer, PTSD, amputation or whatever) I would be giving you similar advice. You need to educate yourself as much as possible so that you know what to expect. That’s just being smart about things.
And make no mistake about it. Alcoholism and adfiction is a lifelong disease subject to relapse througout someones lifetime. The ONLY treatment is continuous abstinence. There is no cure. Similar to Diabetes, it can be managed with vigilance but there is no cure.
Developing cross addictions to OTHER substances is not unusual. Even pot smoking is out of the question for an alcoholic to maintain sobriety. And even medically prescribed painkillers can potentially become abused in a surprisingly short amount of time.
Many people are unaware of all this. You cannot afford to be unaware. If he falls back into addiction, it wrecks up your life in countless ways.
Please do yourself a favor and get some advice from others with experience. You have nothing to lose. You have little reason to take the word of strangers on the Internet like us here. But someone who has logged in 10 years or more in AA has something no one else does (including your boyfriend) namely LONGTERM EXPERIENCE with both sobriety and it’s opposite.
That is very valuable experience for someone who is a neophyte. Please do yourself a favor and seek out those with that experience. It could benefit your life enormously.
Young people have the idea that love conquers all. That’s not the case with addiction. Love alone is usually not enough. Wisdom is also necessary. Please, for your own sake, go get some wisdom from those who’ve been there. You’d be amazed at how willing AA people are to help a perfect stranger (especially one who could be their own daughter). They really are a great bunch.
If you are determined to be involved with this guy, please be smart and educate yourself about his disease.