Do we need relationships?

Don’t sweat it. If you’re happy just enjoy it. I’ve never found love when I went looking for it. It always found me. But if you find true love it is so freaking amazing you won’t believe it.

Being happy in your life, having friends and activities is the perfect way to meet someone for a romantic relationship. It will happen. Continue to live your life as you are.

No, we don’t absolutely need sexual relationships. We don’t need sunsets or ice cream or feasts with our families.

But they make life so much more enjoyable. So be open minded, smile when an attractive man smiles, be friendly. Who knows, you might meet someone changes your life beyond our wildest dreams.

For you, this might be contrasting advice but..

Do what makes you happy.
Don’t be afraid to try new things.

Somehow you’ll find a balance that works for you.

Usually, I feel the need to only take care of myself.. but sometimes when someone else’s story intersects with mine in the right way, I find I can’t help but feel greedy for two.. wanting just about every good thing I can get for myself to be shared with that person.

I guess.. if you ever feel that way, just don’t mind it. Don’t shy away from it. Indulge it, explore it and see where it leads. BUT if you don’t feel that way today or tomorrow.. no worries..

Well, priests and nuns have been doing without sexual relationships for a long time now and they seem to be ok.

Being in a romantic relationship can be very fulfilling, but it certainly is not a requirement for a happy life.

I think just keep doing what your doing if you are happy. Eventually maybe you will find someone you like/love to spend time with and want to make it more committed.

Are you not sexual at all? Never turned, never aroused? Does sex not interest you in any way? Asexual?

If you really don’t mind, then you really don’t mind.
You are not someone who depends on someone else to complete you, and that’s ok.
It’s an incredible healthy place to be.

I think society tends to give us the message that we’re somehow incomplete without a romantic partner, I think that’s just wrong. It’s perfectly ok to enjoy being you. There are many ways to live a fulfilled life.

It may be at different stages of your life you will want different things too.
I was in a relationship for six years, and then took a break of nine years, and now I’m back dating. During my break of nine years, I was living a very full life—traveling, making theatre. I think finding my purpose in work really displaced any angst people were giving me about being single, because I was doing what I loved. I’m someone who really enjoys being alone; I love my friends, but I’m also remarkably self-sufficient. And now I want—conscious decision here—to be in a romantic relationship, and so am being proactive about it. I have to say, it’s a weird shift of mentality, but well, ... it’s all part of the grand adventure of life.

There is no rule here. If you are happy and content not participating in sexual relationships, then that is right for you.

Why might you not feel the need for a sexual relationship? I don’t know. Perhaps you are still maturing? Perhaps it is a hormonal thing? Are there other members of your family who have spent their lives without sexual relationships?

Whatever the reason, it isn’t a problem unless it begins to feel like a problem for you. If you are happy with who you are and your relationships, don’t feel pressured to conform to other people’s expectations.

Thank you, everyone that has responded until now, I’m more relaxed already!
@lifeflame, exactly. Movies, books, and everyone around me are so hung up on the topic, I feel like I’m excluded, which I guess I am, too. But, as I said – I don’t miss anything.
It’s not that I actively work against it; if someone smiled at me I would smile back… and they have
@Bellatrix , it is possible I’m still maturing I suppose.
@JLeslie , I have been aroused, but never by a living being. I have thought about whether I could be asexual, if there is such a thing. I don’t think I would ever be courageous enough to admit that to anyone. I really am fine with being on my own, but somehow, saying so makes me think I’m incapable of loving. Which I’m not, but I wouldn’t want to be seen that way.

@notlookingforlove You don’t know how lucky you are! Starting froml commercials, Valentine’s day, families who put so much pressure on the children…it is a wonder how people manage to stay happy without a relashinship. There are people whose job depends on making you think you need a relashinship, it is alright to sleep around….And there are asexual people by the way.

@notlookingforlove Well, I think there are two different things possibly going on. You might shy away from being in a relationship with someone because of your lack of desire for sex. Or, you might simply have not met the right person yet who you are interested in spending a lot of time with, even nonsexual. You haven’t had anything traumatic happen to you have you? Sexual abuse? Parents who were very negative about sex? Something that would squash your own sexual feelings.

See, “if you are not like me,there must be something wrong with you” Don’t listen to people who could be jealous of people who are happy without a relashinship.

Don’t force it. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” applies here perfectly.

Some people do; some, don’t. Live your life. Do what makes you happy. There are no rules about how you do that. People get married much later than they used to, partly because they don’t feel they have to. I’d like to think it’s because women have become more independent and realize that they don’t “need” a partner to be a well rounded person.

OP: Do you want children? If so, then you should find a partner. If not, and you’re content the way you are, then I guess it doesn’t matter, though I would ask the same questions JLeslie did ^. It might also be worthwhile to talk to an endocrinologist if your health insurance covers it.

Welcome to Fluther, @notlookingforlove. That is wonderful and rare that you are happy and feel self fulfilled on your own. It’s definitely not a problem or a flaw, despite what society tells us to keep us feeling down and buying stuff.

And asexuality definitely exists. I’ve known some asexual people. I get the sense that there is something of an asexual identity movement going on now, as there has been for gay people, polyamorous people, trans people, etc. I’m sure you could find some resources online if you are curious. And it’s not an all or nothing thing. There are degrees of asexuality; some people never experience sexual desire, some do in certain very limited situations, for some people it’s unpredictable and depends on the other person, etc.

Human experience is far, far more complex and diverse than any of our schemas and categories can allow for. I disagree with comments that you should view either of these feelings as a problem, and go seek medical help for them. I strongly agree with @Bellatrix‘s advice up there that it’s not a problem unless it feels like a problem for you and is causing you distress. It sounds like you feel like you should regard it as a problem, but you actually don’t.

When I grew up I used to say I didn’t like mayonnaise, I’d never tried it before, I just didn’t like the idea of it.
Then one day, I ordered a chicken burger from KFC and forgot to ask for no mayo.
I decided to just eat the chicken burger because I had been in quite a long line to get it, and couldn’t be bothered lining up again to take it back.

I was a bit nervous about having the first bite, but afterwards I thought to myself “holy shit! Mayo is amazing! I’m gonna have this on EVERYTHING”

That’s a bit what having a sexual relationship is like.
It’s like discovering mayo for the first time.
You can live without it, but damnnn life’s better with it!

I’m wondering what you mean when you say you’ve been aroused, but not by a living being. What, then, were you aroused by? You don’t have to answer that, but the answer may be helpful in figuring the rest out.

In short…1) No, sexual relationships are not a necessity for a happy life, 2) You very well may be asexual, 3) This may change with time, but maybe not, and 4) Just go with the flow. If you’re happy, no need to change anything. If it happens, it happens. If not, then so be it.

I do, but you might not. Everyone’s different. I had a friend who felt like this. Best friend of my life….I have known him since seventh grade. Just 2 days ago he came out of the closet. Are you sure you’re not gay? Just saying.

Singleness is noble. Don’t sweat it and don’t feel pressured. You are fine the way you are.

@flo yes, I’ve thought about that, I do feel pressured by society.
@JLeslie…no. Nothing traumatic happened, and, if anything, my parents were very open about sexuality. Not so much that they ‘scared me off’, either – I never felt weird about it.
@submariner – I don’t know whether I want children, but if I did, I think I would try adopting before going out and looking for someone. I realise that sounds unusual and may well change, but right now, it’s how I feel.
@bookish1 , thank you. Maybe I am asexual to a degree.
@Crumpet : I love mayonnaise. But I get what you mean. ;)
@livelaughlove21 : It’s fine that you asked. I’ve gotten turned on by scenes in movies, though I have never watched porn. And it happens very rarely, maybe ten times in total.
@deni : I don’t think I’m gay. Whenever I felt the least bit attracted to someone, they were guys.
Thank you so much, everyone. I guess it’s been bothering me, because I’m honestly relieved!

No, and I’ve been without one for over ten years now. It seems to happen (at least to me) when I’m not looking, and with this new place I’ve been working at I have been getting women after me full throttle. I’m still not sure if I can trust another woman in that way again. If the timing is right, and it is the right person you may feel differently about relationships.

You don’t need romantic relationships. Some people aren’t that affectionate, byt are still caring people. Some find it gross. It’s your business.

I mean“but”

I’m the same. I feel content and at best by being single and not when a part of a relationship (not that I’ve had that many). Since the society is very couples oriented for a long time I though there was something wrong with me, but lately I’ve realized that’s just the way I’m made.

Some need to be a part of relationship to feel fulfilled, some need to be single and some need to live through periods of both. And it’s all okay! :)

You don’t need a romantic relationship. If you’re okay with it then do as you please :) I personally don’t believe in romance anymore ( I suppose I’m growing out of it) which… is really contradicting since I have a boyfriend but it’s kinda a one sided feeling thing… But If you’re happy with not being in a relationship then just leave it be! :)

I have no boyfriend. and I will be not trust any boys.