Why am I having a hard time getting child support?

First you need to get a court for child support. I believe this is issued in the state you and the child live.

My sister-in-law is a clerk in the family court, and she says once you have the court order, you do not need to do anything yourself to get it enforced. You contact the district Atty in your area, and they do the rest.

To get a court order for child support, contact your child protective services or the family court where you and the children live. You have to be very persistent and keep asking them what you need to do to get the job done.

I’ve talked to family court & child support enforcement in both states and they both tell me that child support is part of the divorce and nothing can be done until the divorce is final.

Is your husband American? I’ll assume he is, but let us know if he isn’t.

Since he is out of the country there probably is nothing you can do to make him pay you, even if you get a court order, even once divorced. The law is not going to arrest him in a foreign country. Unless maybe on some off chance there is some sort of agreement we have with that country, which I doubt for child support issues, and it would probably cost you money to get anything international done. Not sure.

You can threaten him that you will report him to the IRS, but if he is making less than $75k and living outside of the US for 11+ months he probably wouldn’t owe taxes even if he was honest about his wages, unless the laws have changed a lot in the last 15 years regarding expat pay.

He’s American, he’s doing a contract job in Afghanistan. So he’s probably making 100k.

@southernyankee70 I hate to say that for now there isn’t much you can do probably to make him pay. But, I am not a lawyer. I know when my SIL got divorced her husband was still living outside of the country, and her lawyer basically told her, if he doesn’t pay there won’t be much they can do. You didn’t mention in your original question if the lawyers said anything about him being out of country. Whether any order can be enforced.

Not being divorced yet does seem tricky. Is he going to sign the divorce papers? Or, are the courts going to grant you a divorce since he abandoned the relationship?

He wants the divorce, but he thinks he’s going to walk away from the marriage and not have to pay for anything he’s done wrong through out the marriage. My lawyer is going for abondonmenr. i’m just aggravated that he can spend all this money remodeling his fiancé house and taking her on vacation and the kids seeing it on facebook. And also my son tried calling him and his fiancé told my son I a had restraining order that he was not to contact the kids which there is not but even if there was, that is something she should not be telling my son.

I’m sorry you are going through this. During your marriage was he an ass about caring for his children and for you?

One day his fiance will get hers because your husband obviously has a major character flaw if he isn’t calling his kids nor sending any money home to support them. He won’t all of a sudden become a stand up guy.

Once the divorce goes through you can probably put a warrant for his arrest, and when he re-enters America they can pick him up. Maybe there is a way for his passport to trigger him coming in at immigration at the airport. Even if there isn’t you could try lying to him to say you are going to do it if he doesn’t start paying something.

Also, most states want to make dads pay whether married, never having been married or divorced, so the state isn’t paying for food stamps and welfare to support the children and mother.

I would talk to your lawyer or the family court again. In California you can get a court order for child support without a divorce.

That doesn’t make sense? Most states will dog payee parent to the ends of the earth if you are the parent, divorce, marriage, or not. If he’s doing a contract job, they will go after the contractor, to with hold his wages. It might take along time, but you will certainly get your money. Go file. Soon. Good luck you will get your money- all of it.

@trailsillustrated It seems like he is getting paid under the table. Or, maybe I misunderstood.

? that’s all strictly regulated you can’t go into another country and get paid under the table unless your a farm worker or a bartender or something. Especially afghanistan. Any american in afghanistan or the middle east working is monitered and has paperwork. She needs to file and the DA will go after his wages.

Any foreign country won’t enforce american court orders but wait till he gets back, and, I’m sure his paycheck is being banked in the usa.

@trailsillustrated Ok, that’s good info. I would think if he is being paid in American dollars to a US account his wages can be garnished even before he returns home. But, even if not, I agree once he is back he will have to pay, and owe all the back pay.

as you know, because you remember my trevails, @JLeslie , they freeze your passport,etc. She needs to file with the state. It’s free to file, don’t need a lawyer to do it, all she needs is his information. Also, they can arrest you right at the airport for this. I can’t imagine what lawyer would tell her this, she could file online, even.

@trailsillustrated Great info. That lines up with what I thought, but I did not know exactly how it all works. Hopefully the OP can get all that done. The unfortunate thing is she probably won’t get money immediately from her husband, although maybe the threat of arrest will open his wallet. Actually, maybe his new fiance will be freaked he could be arrested and even encourage him to pay.

@JLeslie she might not see the money for awhile, but he can’t stay in afghanistan forever. She’ll get a crapload of money here down the track. Now ask how I know all this, lol.

Firstly: “not have to pay for anything he’s done wrong through out the marriage,” he is not obligated to pay for anything he’s “done wrong.” Child support is legally meant to be what is best for the children, not a financial bandaid for hurt feelings.
Secondly, this is very unusual, as @trailsillustrated pointed out, typically an obligor will be barreled down for money if they don’t pay, because not only are your children missing out on money, so is the state. And the state doesn’t like losing money.
I have no doubt that trails hit it on the nose, here, the court would likely take him for everything he’s got once he gets back into the states. If not now, then I would imagine OP would be entitled to back support dating to the first time she filed. That may not help now, but, assuming your kids are relatively young, you’re still going to need money to raise them for a while.
I’m not understanding this situation, it just doesn’t make sense why you’re being told that you can’t file for c/s. If you don’t have a shared parenting custody situation, which you apparently don’t, there’s no reason that he shouldn’t be obligated to pay child support… no matter where he is. Have you looked into the specific child support laws for each state?